How sincerely, earnestly I wish I could. But to believe in these things again, now that the illusions have dropped away, would be a monstrous crime against myself.
I don't know how this fits in, honestly, but this is the vision, and these are the thoughts that went through my mind as I read your tempting words.
It is difficult to imagine what goes through the minds of people kneeling down and about to be decapitated, as they listen to the bombast and the outrageous justifications of their executioners to be. I wonder if it is easier for them if they know that there is a superior power that will protect them and that will wipe away the infamous way in which they are to be killed.
Most of all, I wonder how I would go through those terrible final moments of life, bereft of the last shreds of human dignity and made a public display for the entire world.
If I went back to religion, where would I go? Perhaps to the Anglican Church; I was, to some degree, brought up in this world, and love the old hymns and the church services, and the 'just right' posture between the RC Church and the non-conformists. Perhaps to become a Sikh, but without the ridiculous paraphernalia - a 'sahajdhari', in other words. Most probably, 'Buddham Saranam Gachhami'. The more I read about it, the more I feel relaxed about it, because at the centre, there is no god. There is the miracle of existence, and there is the greater miracle of transience from the existing to the non-existing.
Sometimes I hope I die suddenly, in seconds, without realising it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't think that was a rant.
I think that it was a very kind thought, and displays a deep sensitivity and goodness of heart. Thank you sincerely.
