Joke

[nitesh]

U got to read this one.......this is some
stuff.......but start
from bottom up!!!

For the uninitiated, this discussion started with
the simple question,
"what is the meaning of maithili?"

READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP



Please read from bottom to top

You will understand who can be involved

PS: Don't take it to heart just enjoy
-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:39 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: German's ,Jews, Aryans

We sit before the monitor staring into the pixels,
making faces the
whole day like monkeys. And you claim that you are
not in this monkey
business? Beats me!!

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: AnandV
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:13 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: monkeys and dravidians

My theory is first step to identify software
engrs.I'm more interested
in showing that software engrs are not monkeys (bcas
they are not
aryans) which my house owner believes!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: DHRUVAV
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:09 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: teachers and dravidian

Your theory only proves that Software engineers are
not aryans.Therefore
they can be any thing other than aryans and not only dravidians.

-----Original Message-----
From: AnandV
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:04 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: teachers and dravidian

B'cas only teachers (arya's) are aryans. So all
software engr's are
dravidians.

-----Original Message-----
From: raghavendrak
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:00 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Aryans- H aryana

Let me get it clear.Are u suggesting that all people
in haryana are
monkeys?????

-----Original Message-----
From: ashokkm
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 199910:59 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Aryans- H aryana

No, Only the native of Haryana are are aryans b'coz
U just remove the
'H' in Haryana so it becomes aryana.Agreed or
not????

-----Original Message-----
From: raghavendrak
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 10:54 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: German's ,Jews, Aryans are Indians

Then even monkeys are aryans!!!!!!(I think they too
have 10 fingers).
That's what ramayan says. So all vanars were also
aryans!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 10:50 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: German's ,Jews, Aryans are Indians

How logical!! Now I could easily prove that even
Africans are Aryans.
They have 10 fingers- so they are aryans. They have
10 toes on their
feet - so they are aryans. Thanks for proving that
all are aryans.

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: Kedardesai
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 10:40 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Proof:German's ,Jews, Aryans are Indians

Indians invented the decimal system. Ravan(Jew) had
ten heads, Ram's
father(aryan + German)had ten chariots (Dash-rath)
etc.Thus , the base
is 10. There fore they are all Indians

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:58 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

Germans don't play cricket. So cricketers can't be
germans. QED

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: Dinni Lingaraj
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:56 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/ Germans

It just occured that a better subject would have
been "CRICKET"
but this &nbs nbsp; one stopped ...."Are our
cricketers
Aryans/Germans ?" So we got to solve this one !

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:55 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Major fallacy/Aryans & Germans

Let the 'intellectuals' decide... you will know who
you are soon enough.

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: Yeshwant Dattatreya
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 19999:39 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

OH BOY!! WHO ARE WE?

-----Original Message-----
From: ashokkm
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 19999:37 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Major fallacy/Aryans & Germans

According to maxmuller, Aryans came from Middle
East.
According to Bal Gangadhar Tilak, Antarctica was the
home place of
Aryans. And Swami Dayanand Saraswati says Aryans
were originally from
India b'coz the place "saptsandhav" that is
described many times in
their book is nothing but Doab region between Ganga
& Jamuna.
And One theory according Bhagwandas is that Aryans
were originally from
India then they went to middle east and after some
time they returned
back to India.So there are different theories about
the origin of Aryans
but recent belief is that only India was their
native-land.

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 19999:37 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

So, at present we are at a point where MK's son is a
Russian, implying
MK is a Russian. MK is a ardent follower of Ravan
who is a German Jew.
Looks like the german govt running Karnataka(see our
previous
discussions for a proof of it) is conniving with the
Russian govt at
Tamilnadu (who support German) to fight the Italian
Govts reps at 10
Janpath road. Some heavy international politics we
have going on here.
Wat's d'ya say man!!

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: amajumder
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:21 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans
Importance: High

Might be Russians too.. that explains why MK's son
is called STALIN.

-----Original Message-----
From: raghavendrak
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:13 AM Posted
To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

Say this to the DMK and they're gonna kick u!!
according to them ravan
was a dravidian and was attacked by ram as ram was
an aryan.
So if ram was a german, and assuming he was a
'hitlerite 'aryan, then
ravan must have been a jew!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 6:57 PM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

No, on the contrary it proves that Ravan was a
German since it was he
who owned the Pushpak Viman. The passengers could
belong to any country.

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: vishnoor
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 5:44 PM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: major fallacy...

After defeating ravana .... Sri Rama flew back in
Ravana's pushpak
vimana & This is what the Mordern Lufthansa is . It
is the modern
version of the older pushpaka vimana.
The pushpak vimana was "driven" by hansa or
swans....
The insignia of Lufthansa is also a swan...
This further proves Sri Rama was a German Hail Rama
.

----------
From: khandelwalh
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 199912:54 PM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: major fallacy...

the argument is wrong.
the conclusion is fallacious

-----Original Message-----
From: vishnoor
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 4:44 PM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Mithla

Rama was an aryan ;
Germans claim to be aryans so Rama was a German &nbs
nbsp; Hail Rama....

----------
From: ashokkm
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 199911:53 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Mithla

And what about Home minister Advani & Noble Prize
winner Economics Dr.
Amartya Sen???

-----Original Message-----
From: Sudha Vedula
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 19994:02 PM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Mithla & Maithili

God Shiva is also a foreigner because
Mt.Kailash is in China. Buddha was also a foreigner
because
Lumbini(?) is in Nepal. So was Guru Nanak, because
Talwandi is in
Pakistan. So was Porus. So was Gandhari.....

-----Original Message-----
From: Vikas Sharma
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 10:14 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Mithla & Maithili

Recently one Congress leader, in defense of Sonia,
quoted that Sita was
also a foreigner because Janakpuri is in Nepal.

-----Original Message-----
From: Pranav Chandra
Posted At: Wednesday, September 01,1999 1:10 PM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: Mithla & Maithili

Maithili is a language which derives it's name from
the region in Bihar
where it is spoken, the old kingdom of Mithla. There
is a reference to
the area even in Ramayana- Janak( Father of Sita)
was king of Mithla and
has been referred to as MithlaNaresh at many places
in RamCharitraManas
- therefore Sita was also called Maithili.

----------
From: Subhashis Roy
Posted At: 1999"N9OE?1"=FA 13:03
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: what is Maithili ?
Importance: High

Maithili brahmins are known for their gastronome
qualities !!!

-----Original Message-----
From: yogesh=5Fpm
Posted At: Wednesday, September 01,1999 12:12 PM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: re: what is maithili

Maithili is a language spoken in central bihar. It
has its own
literature.It has its root in the old kingdom of
that area.It is similar
to Hindi.

-----Original Message-----
From: himanshudas
Posted At: Wednesday, September 01, 1999 9:06 AM
Posted To: General
Conversation: What is Maithili?
Subject: What is Maithili?

Hi!

Who or what is Maithili, in context of Indian
literature?
With regards,
Niranjan Prabhakar

 

[nitesh]

Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure,

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,

In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant, And

In the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world'

meant!

 

[nitesh]

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were having lunch and Gujju opened his lunch box & said, "Dhokla ! If I get dhokla one more
time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Idli Sambhar again! If I
get idli sambhar one more time I'm going to jump off too."

The sardaar opened his lunch and said, "Parontha again! If I get a parontha
one more time, I'm jumping too."


The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his
death.

The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too...

The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as
well..


At the funeral, Gujju's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how
really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Madrasi's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him dossa! I
didn't realize he hated idli sambhar so much."


Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar's wife.

Scroll down for her answer



...
..
...
.
.
...

....
.
...
.
.
...

...
.
...
.
.
...

...
.
....
.
.
...

...
..
...
.
.
...

....
.
...
.
.
...

...
.
...
.
.
....

...
.
...
.
.
...





...
.
...
.
.
...

The sardaar's wife said,

"Don't look at me.

He makes his own lunch."

 

[Spring Onion]

How Indian and Pakistani professors speak English

1. Dont dare talk in front of my back
2. Both of you three get out of class
3. take 5 cm wire of any length
4. All of you stand in streight circle
5. Be quite the principal has just passed away
6. Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window whem iam here.

 

[Spring Onion]

Pakistan Dunia ka wo wahid mulk ha jahan log har ghanta baad khushyan manatae hain


Bhala kaisa ???
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

Bijlai aa gayee
Bijlai aa gayee

 

[araz]

1__Beautiful use of English language by a teacher at Hyderabad Engineering college.
"Baba cant you see that I am busy. Come to me beyond the class when I ma empty"

2__ A surgical joke in Urdu.
Boss ki Jamaa Kya Hai
Answer___Bawaseer
Enjoy
Araz

 

[nitesh]

Subject: Height of Confidence

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
'Hello, Mr. Bush!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'
'Well, Gurmukh,' Bush replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself,my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Amarjit, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight of us.'
Bush paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command!'

'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'


Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.


'Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'


'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh' Bush asked.


'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'


Bush sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'


'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'


Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.


'Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'


Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'


'Tera pala hove....' said Gurmukh, 'I'll have to ring you back.'


Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.


'Kiddan, Mr.Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'


'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Bush. 'Why the sudden change of heart?!'


'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassis, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!'


NOW THAT'S CALLED CONFIDENCE!!

 

[Spring Onion]

1__Beautiful use of English language by a teacher at Hyderabad Engineering college.
"Baba cant you see that I am busy. Come to me beyond the class when I ma empty"

2__ A surgical joke in Urdu.
Boss ki Jamaa Kya Hai
Answer___Bawaseer
Enjoy
Araz

i remeber a Police wala snubed his staff in English while eating jalaby saying " why you disturbed me dont u see i am eating sweet circles"
"

 

[nitesh]

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........
on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan
Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your
mobile
is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from
the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much
will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total
is $49.9! 9"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,
Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a
Scooter,...registration number 1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also

diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987
you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: Faints...

 

[dr.umer]

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief , United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons -- both Admirals.

 

[dr.umer]

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again.

Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!

 

[IceCold]

Apology letter​

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...

_________

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, A$$ I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

A$$ a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
yadav

 

[asifhabib7]

lol... very funny...icecold sir.

poetry in japanese language..

chang sho shoi..ting pong ching pu

shun ching thee,
toi toi
oee oee!!!


sardar got married..on the first night he slept away from his wife..
wife:what happened???
sardar:i promised my mom not to do bad things after marriage.


sardar got job in telenor customer care.
customer-hello my telenor sim is blocked what to do?\
sardar:dont take tension remove telenor and put ufone sim thank u for calling bye!

 

[ejaz007]

Engineers Terminologies​

A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.

EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.

MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hitech.

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch

TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.

IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can't wait to hear this bull!

SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I'm lonely.

ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

RUGGED
Too damn heavy to lift!

LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.

ENERGY SAVING
Achieved when the power switch is off.

LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken

 

[U-571]

beta aba jee se aagee