Joke

[U-571]

Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides the left side and the right side."
Blair interrupted, "Well, that's normal, isn't it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"
The doctor replied, "That's true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn't anything right, while on the right side there isn't anything left."

 

[U-571]

Brain transplant


The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.
A few actually smirked.
But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."

 

[Muradk]

Xman: remember this.

IP to Student "Son you are going Solo today" Student to IP " Sir How Low"

 

[ejaz007]

This is funny:

 

[IceCold]

Software engineer and his wife​

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

 

[IceCold]

6 weeks , 6 months , 6 years ​

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .

********

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself . . .

 

[x_man]

Xman: remember this.

IP to Student "Son you are going Solo today" Student to IP " Sir How Low"

LOL...Sir, I do remember this one..

IP Students jokes are the funniest...It actually happened with one of my coursemates...After taking off on his third mission on Mushahak for an area work.....While they were leaving the circuit for area, IP asked the student ,' whats your height '?

Student looked down towards the ground, took few seconds to think and said, ' Sir , taqreeban eik hazar foot.''

Guess what happened with that poor soul ??

 

[x_man]

One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from
across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like
to go in and meet with President Bush."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer
president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said
to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President
Bush."

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush
is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to
the very same U. S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with
President Bush."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man
and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here
asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is
no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you
understand?"

The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand it.... I
just love hearing it that he is no more the president."

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you
tomorrow sir."...

 

[U-571]

from admin

attention!!!

this thread is closed now!!!, i dont like jokes of these ppl here, i am not funny at all, who r v making fool of, v r tough guys, dont waste ur tym soldier
get to the battle field and kik some enemy *****!!! lol

 

[dr.umer]

Jin - Hohohhahaha..kia hukm hai mere aaqaa…

Aaqaa - Iss mulk ka sara maal mere account mai daal do….

Jin - Hukm karain , bakwas na karain….main Jin hon , Zardari nahi …..

 

[U-571]

super funny, for me, i was laughing for an hour or a bit more

caption:""This arab guy is in a really long robe and has never used a treadmill before, his friend turns it up to full speed, the guy freaks out and starts running super fast and screaming! FUNNY ""

 

[U-571]

japanese comedy

 

[ejaz007]

I don't know its a joke or a tragedy but here it goes:

A point of view ... Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on
gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan several years before the Afghan
conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind
their husbands. From Miss Walters' vantage point, despite the overthrow of
the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back
behind their husbands, and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now
seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change.

The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation
said, 'Land Mines'.


Moral of the story is ... (no matter where you go) .

BEHIND EVERY MAN,
THERE'S A SMART WOMAN... !!

 

[U-571]

I don't know its a joke or a tragedy but here it goes:


Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now
seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change.

The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation
said, 'Land Mines'.


Moral of the story is ... (no matter where you go) .

BEHIND EVERY MAN,
THERE'S A SMART WOMAN... !!

, she wanna blow her husband first, i dont know if its real??, it seems like a fabricaton, women r not too smart, neither they r dishonest to their husbands!!, i doubt if any woman member here whuld have got the point!!! i see a man in the veil, afghani girls with purdah r dumb!!!

 

[Neo]

Two blonds are stuck in the elevator. Unable to find the alarm button one starts shouting: "Helloooo...somebody help us...please...help help hellllp".

But nobody comes to their rescue so the other blond, the calm one suggests they shout harder and louder.

They start shouting together: "harder..louder...harder..louder...harder..louder".