Cultural conflicts

[53fd]

Are you trying to get an arranged marriage or looking for a girl yourself?

Looking for a girl is much easier during college...

I'm a traditional guy, so basically, if I'm not getting married with a girl, I can't date before that either. That can be hard to comply. But then, I'm not ready for marriage of course, & I'm kind of apprehensive of dealing with a South Asian type marriage where the whole family gets involved. Even though the idea of marriage is pretty far ahead in the future. So it's a multi-pronged problem.

 

[A for Anarchy]

I never meant to generalize the whole community; there are plenty of smart, intelligent, independent women in Pakistan. It's the South Asian society that is the problem: marriage out of necessity than as a means of happiness & companionship. The need for the man to be the provider. Then the constant competition (comparison) within society over social status & other stuff. These are things I don't like.

No girl is going to fall on your lap then.

Find some women , listen to them talk. Sometimes they are interesting. Ask them out on a date, then. If you like them, then you can think of long term commitment.

 

[53fd]

What's wrong with Pakistani American girls?

Most Pakistani American girls I know here do not hold or share the similar kind of values I have. Although I'm perfectly fine with those that do.

 

[T-Faz]

Yaar post some pics too, I am bored and its making me angry.

Freekin, upload some pics on here G.

 

[53fd]

No girl is going to fall on your lap then.

Find some women , listen to them talk. Sometimes they are interesting. Ask them out on a date, then. If you like them, then you can think of long term commitment.

I have plenty of female friends, I've been a few dates in the past without 'going the distance', if you know what I mean, due to cultural & religious reasons. I don't have any problems talking to women, but in the end, I know I have to marry a Pakistani, Muslim girl; & I can't date a girl before that the American way, because my values don't permit me to do so.

---------- Post added at 05:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:32 PM ----------

Yaar post some pics too, I am bored and its making me angry.

Freekin, upload some pics on here G.

What kind of pictures lol?

I'm sorry this thread got you bored, but this is a serious issue for me. I hope you understand.

 

[A for Anarchy]

I have plenty of female friends, I've been a few dates in the past without 'going the distance', if you know what I mean, due to cultural & religious reasons. I don't have any problems talking to women, but in the end, I know I have to marry a Pakistani, Muslim girl; & I can't date a girl before that the American way, because my values don't permit me to do so.

---------- Post added at 05:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:32 PM ----------



What kind of pictures lol?

I'm sorry this thread got you bored, but this is a serious issue for me. I hope you understand.

Values?

I am sorry - what are your Values?

If it is going against your values, why would you be having a serious issue?

Going against values. End of issue.

If it is not a "value" but a society imposed structure then it is different.

Decide on your "Values" dude

 

[FreekiN]

I have plenty of female friends, I've been a few dates in the past without 'going the distance', if you know what I mean, due to cultural & religious reasons. I don't have any problems talking to women, but in the end, I know I have to marry a Pakistani, Muslim girl; & I can't date a girl before that the American way, because my values don't permit me to do so.

then HOW exactly do you expect to find a girl? Ask for an arranged marriage from your parents and go to Pakistan and let them do all the searching. Isn't that what most Pakistani men do anyways?

btw you live like 20 miles away from me lol

 

[53fd]

then HOW exactly do you expect to find a girl? Ask for an arranged marriage from your parents and go to Pakistan and let them do all the searching. Isn't that what most Pakistani men do anyways?

btw you live like 20 miles away from me lol

That's where the conflicts in my mind arise. I hope you realize that I don't have the answers to any of these questions, & I'm conflicted. First of all, I'm not ready to get married, nor will be for quite sometime. If I'm not ready to marry, I can date girls here, but that pretty much blows my chances of marrying a Pakistani girl in the future, especially in an arranged marriage system. So essentially, 'one thing leads to another'. I'm apprehensive of an arranged South Asian marriage with a random girl because of my cultural conflicts, but then, I don't envision myself with an American girl in the future either. The best scenario would be somehow getting a Pakistani girl who doesn't have the "bad" South Asian traits (but has the "good" ones), & has the "good" American traits (but not the "bad" ones). And the "good" & "bad" traits are up for interpretation as well. Anyways, I hope I'm not bothering anyone here.

 

[BelligerentPacifist]

... I'm the complete opposite of someone who wants a 'safe, secure' life. I want to do things that make me happy.... ...a Pakistani girl ... who's cool, who's "self-sustaining", independent, who's cool with me doing my own thing, who doesn't compare herself or 'us' with other individuals or couples in the society (as long as we're happy), who's ready to 'sail ship with me'. And these are things that are hard to find in Pakistani girls.
...
They aren't as emotionally stable as the American chicks here, nor as "self-sustaining". I've also noticed that American girls aren't as judgmental about job titles of the guy if they're really into him, which isn't really found as much in desi girls. ...

Bilal then you haven't been with enough pakistani girls to know they are fun loving, don't always like to play ot safe, and independant (if you're lucky, while being considerate and possibly more faithful to family than career). The problem of comparing how your family with the proverbial Jones' is one I haven't found most Pakistanis free of, be it women, men or our elders.

I think if you marry a woman who's mentally ready be get into a new mold after marriage, as both you and her might need to be to an extent, then you can make her as independant of you and of society as she is prepared to be. They just need a little bit of confidence and a little of love and support from you. I know you have it in you, and if you try she'll in a couple of years grow into the woman you want.

But bro you're just 24! I, not you, need to be thinking these things. Get your degrees and forget about marriage.

 

[A for Anarchy]

That's where the conflicts in my mind arise. I hope you realize that I don't have the answers to any of these questions, & I'm conflicted. First of all, I'm not ready to get married, nor will be for quite sometime. If I'm not ready to marry, I can date girls here, but that pretty much blows my chances of marrying a Pakistani girl in the future, especially in an arranged marriage system. I'm apprehensive of an arranged marriage with a random girl because of my cultural conflicts, but then, I don't envision myself with an American girl in the future either. The best scenario would be somehow getting a Pakistani girl who doesn't have the "bad" South Asian traits (but has the "good" ones), & has the "good" American traits (but not the "bad" ones). And the "good" & "bad" traits are up for interpretation as well. Anyways, I hope I'm not bothering anyone here.

/facepalm

You don't ruin your chances of getting a Pakistani girl by dating.

For all you know the girl you are going to marry may have been dating some guy :/

Remember, the first girl you like, need not be the one you first love.

 

[bigest]

I have no exprimence on dating.

 

[Roybot]

That's where the conflicts in my mind arise. I hope you realize that I don't have the answers to any of these questions, & I'm conflicted. First of all, I'm not ready to get married, nor will be for quite sometime. If I'm not ready to marry, I can date girls here, but that pretty much blows my chances of marrying a Pakistani girl in the future, especially in an arranged marriage system. So essentially, 'one thing leads to another'. I'm apprehensive of an arranged South Asian marriage with a random girl because of my cultural conflicts, but then, I don't envision myself with an American girl in the future either. The best scenario would be somehow getting a Pakistani girl who doesn't have the "bad" South Asian traits (but has the "good" ones), & has the "good" American traits (but not the "bad" ones). And the "good" & "bad" traits are up for interpretation as well. Anyways, I hope I'm not bothering anyone here.

You will never find the perfect girl, just like girls never find their perfect guys. At the end you adjust a little for her, and she ll change a little for you. Relationship would be boring, if everything was perfect.

 

[53fd]

/facepalm

You don't ruin your chances of getting a Pakistani girl by dating.

For all you know the girl you are going to marry may have been dating some guy :/

Remember, the first girl you like, need not be the one you first love.

First of all, I'm cool with a Pakistani girl who's dated before. I just want a Pakistani girl I see myself in the future to feel the same way about me. But I'm not sure if my parents would exactly agree with me there, & my parents are important to me as well. That's another issue though, & the easier one to resolve. I don't see the problem with the Pakistani girl, but more the society in terms of arranged marriage, the expectations, the peer pressure from society, the constant comparisons, doing things out of necessity than happiness etc. Stuff like that. While a girl might be independent & everything I want to see in her, the whole concept of the arranged marriage, the pressure from society/khandaan, these are things I don't like. Again, I want to apologize to the people who are getting bored here by my posts.

 

[53fd]

Bilal then you haven't been with enough pakistani girls to know they are fun loving, don't always like to play ot safe, and independant (if you're lucky, while being considerate and possibly more faithful to family than career). The problem of comparing how your family with the proverbial Jones' is one I haven't found most Pakistanis free of, be it women, men or our elders.

I think if you marry a woman who's mentally ready be get into a new mold after marriage, as both you and her might need to be to an extent, then you can make her as independant of you and of society as she is prepared to be. They just need a little bit of confidence and a little of love and support from you. I know you have it in you, and if you try she'll in a couple of years grow into the woman you want.

But bro you're just 24! I, not you, need to be thinking these things. Get your degrees and forget about marriage.

I have an Undergrad & a Masters, as well as 2 years of work experience (a job I didn't really like). I'm ambitious, I want to go places, I want to do things that make me happy, that give me pleasure & happiness; & I want my future partner to reciprocate those things.

 

[cybertron]

Find a british pakistani girl with some good family background in pakistan.
I'd say dats the middle ground b/w pakistan and american chicks. Highest probability of finding all the traits that u just enlisted.