Arranged marriages?

[Vapnope]

I'm a girl.

 

[Sunshine48]

It's never an easy decision. If you have a saner family, you should put your faith in them to choose the best suitable partner for you(you should make it clear with them what attributes you are looking in your partner). Marriage is not a game, it's a serious life changing experience. On one hand you can go with your gut instinct and "follow your heart" as they say and ruin rest of your life in an un-healthy relationship. Or on the other hand, you give the right to your elders to make informed, careful decision(who have more experience than you), because that way they can have your back at worst of times.

A couple of days ago I was reading about a break up of Zoya and Bentzmann(youtuber). The guy came to Pakistan as a travel youtube vlogger, had fun, got married and converted to Islam. Now, if one would have asked me, I would have said that this partnership is bound to fail. Because there were so many anomalies in that relation. Same with the famous marriages of media stars, most of them fail, because mostly it's all sham and plain deceit.

What I am emphasizing is find genuine-ness in your partner. And usually parents do look for this particular thing if they are looking for a spouse for their children.

How can I be sure that if I trust my elders I'll never regret?

 

[Goenitz]

Mufti Menk said you can meet the potential spouse any number of times you want until you've made a decision but that does not happen where I come from. Arranged marriages here mean parents are going to meet the person and you just have the final say. How can someone make decision like that?

protest. be a 'man'.



P.S i know u said that u r a girl.

How can I be sure that if I trust my elders I'll never regret?

talk and find out. Explore.

 

[Peace be there]

It works most of the time but it is better to understand compatibility and views before getting married. After all you have to spend your life together.

 

[Sunshine48]

View attachment 745818

Who cares?

 

[PDF]

Mufti Menk said you can meet the potential spouse any number of times you want until you've made a decision but that does not happen where I come from. Arranged marriages here mean parents are going to meet the person and you just have the final say. How can someone make decision like that?

What you just said should be inquired from your parents not me. SImply tell them that you need to gauge the potential life partner for yourself which they should be understanding of. Try to convince them and tell them that Allah has given you the right ( which is more important than parents, society's, family's opinion) to accept or decline proposal for a reason. And they should allow whatever is permissible in Islam.

Also have faith in yourself, in your family and most importantly in Allah that you will be fine!

 

[Varunastra]

 

[fitpOsitive]

I don't have such qualities I'm afraid.

Very good beta, phir tu tum safe ho.

 

[Death Professor]

How can I be sure that if I trust my elders I'll never regret?

Well, no one knows the future, just like our PM said how can I guarantee NS life(when he was having problem with his platelets). You know your elders better than anyone else here, so it's a choice you have to make. Whatever the choice they present you, final decision is always yours. You can always convince them if a certain individual is lacking in some of your required attributes. But you have to be realistic in your demands, can't ask them to look for a Prince Harry.
These days youngsters commit themselves in love marriages. Before marriage they are fine with both of them being jobless and whatever. But after the marriage when it's on their head, when the financial condition squeeze's them hard, they start looking for scapegoats and in the end it results in broken marriages.

One has to be really careful about marriage.

 

[Sunshine48]

Well, no one knows the future, just like our PM said how can I guarantee NS life(when he was having problem with his platelets). You know your elders better than anyone else here, so it's a choice you have to make. Whatever the choice they present you, final decision is always yours. You can always convince them if a certain individual is lacking in some of your required attributes. But you have to be realistic in your demands, can't ask them to look for a Prince Harry.

Haha if Prince Harry comes I'm gonna reject him for hundreds of reasons!

 

[Death Professor]

Haha if Prince Harry comes I'm gonna reject him for hundreds of reasons!

Well, yeah that why the decision varies from person to person. I don't personally know you so, thats why I asked you to tell your parents about what you are looking in- from your expected partner. Some women value wealth, some value character, some value good looks, some value good family. So it's upto you what attributes you are looking in from your partner. But in any case be sure that the other family is not lying, that they are genuine.

 

[jamahir]

Mufti Menk said you can meet the potential spouse any number of times you want until you've made a decision but that does not happen where I come from. Arranged marriages here mean parents are going to meet the person and you just have the final say. How can someone make decision like that?

Do you have any older friendly-to-you family friend or relative who can intercede on your behalf ?

They stay together till death but do they get fed up of each other? Do they regret their decision?

That is why Islam allows the system of pre-nups, divorce and the associated technicalities. More on that in this thread of mine. It is very possible that a marriage becomes stifling for the husband or wife.

 

[Sunshine48]

Do you have any older friendly-to-you family friend or relative who can intercede on your behalf ?

I have such an uncle but it's his favorite pastime to make people marry jo hai jaisa hai ki bunyaad pe .

That is why Islam allows the system of pre-nups, divorce and the associated technicalities. More on that in this thread of mine. It is very possible that a marriage becomes stifling for the husband or wife.

Thanks for adding this link. Will go through it inshaAllah.

 

[jamahir]

I have such an uncle but it's his favorite pastime to make people marry jo hai jaisa hai ki bunyaad pe .

Then sorry, at the moment I don't have any suggestion.

Thanks for adding this link. Will go through it inshaAllah.

Yes, please do. It is an article by an Indian Christian woman who married an Indian Muslim under Islamic marriage law because that better secured her economic future in case of divorce. She gives details and in simple words too.

 

[prashantazazel]

I don't support it, but there have been a few successful ones in my family.
A respectful guy is the key to success here.
Talk to him and see where he stands in women's rights, education, freedom, fairness(would he support his parents unconditionally, or side with the one who's right).
Talk regarding jobs, source of income, recreation, travel interests. Does he expect you to stay at home? To dress conservatively?

In general, I have seen that the guys who want to live with their parents after marriage tend to be extremely rigid and conservative, and treat their women like property.
Guys willing to live alone/nuclear are generally more understanding/accommodating.