Arranged marriages?

[Mujahid Memon]

I've worked as a psychologist and my primary focus was family therapy so I speak from a professional point of view. There are a number of factors to look into here.
First, the quality of marriage universally depends on personality compatibilities rather than anything else. Physical features change, financial situations change and much else but if one finds the other's company rejuvenating then the relationship is likely to last long and be fulfilling.

Secondly, marriage success has to be defined, speaking within Pakistan most marriages last long but the marital satisfaction can be abysmal. So it depends on what we mean by success, quality of the relationship or the quantity of duration? You'd often find our people lamenting on divorce rates which is increasing globally but forget to look into the data showing high levels of remarriage as well. Again, what do we mean by success.

Thirdly, there was a research done in Pakistan by the Quaid e Azam university and it showed what affects marriage regardless of the type: it's the family involvement levels, if it's high i.e. the families are highly influential in the relationship and there are problems i.e. friction then that's the highest rate of marital dissatisfaction and dissolution. Couples having problems within their own relationship are surprisingly fewer than having problems stemming from the larger family sets and this is where one has to be able to set boundaries, compromise and navigate. I would say that it's this point that deserves the most focus from a prospective couple along with their own compatibility

Speaking of compatibility, marriage life is peaceful when either one or both of the parties has flexible personalities. Problems arises when both of them have hardened personalities and cannot adjust according to each other.

 

[jaibi]

True brother but often times the source of that conflicts in collectivistic cultures shifts

Speaking of compatibility, marriage life is peaceful when either one or both of the parties has flexible personalities. Problems arises when both of them have hardened personalities and cannot adjust according to each other.

 

[EasyNow]

How do arranged marriages work? Would members here advise against or in favour of arranged marriages? Does the couple need to have understanding and feelings for each other before marriage?

Listen, take your own decisions and live and die by it.

If you think you like someone, tell someone to arrange a proposal - meet up a few times if necessary - but the point is you have to take some initiative of the situation.

Too many boys and girls over the years, trying to be daddy's achcha bachcha, end up compromised and unhappy - finally making parents disappointed anyway.

At least if you push for your own choice. It is on you - and that is better for your parents too. Trust me we live in a changing world and parents are struggling to find answers too.

 

[Sunshine48]

Did you ask your parents to arrange a meeting. Did your parents refused or his?

I didn't ask for that.

 

[Mujahid Memon]

I didn't ask for that.

He also? Or maybe he asked but your parents refused?

 

[Sunshine48]

He also? Or maybe he asked but your parents refused?

As far as I know he didn't.

 

[Bigbang1983]

Assalamu alaikum

To inform all those who participated in this thread, I'm getting engaged soon as per my parents wishes. I've never met the guy but my heart is at peace alhamdulillah.

Please remember me in prayers.

Salam

Many congratulations. Best wishes and duas for you.

 

[denel]

Speaking of compatibility, marriage life is peaceful when either one or both of the parties has flexible personalities. Problems arises when both of them have hardened personalities and cannot adjust according to each other.

you hit the nail on the head.

respect and accommodate one another is key!.

otherwise - do what my late uncle did.... first wife gave him hard time, he gave her seperate home after 20 yrs; married an 18yr old; after 10 yrs ... she too started to give him headaches, so he gave her a seperate home and married another 18 yr old; after 10 yrs... she too was giving him a hard time... he tells me, my boy ... i am thinking of giving her a seperate home and getting another 18 yr old wife; but ... here is the punch line.... 'i dont think i have the stamina any more'.....

he passed away 3 yrs later.

 

[Mujahid Memon]

you hit the nail on the head.

respect and accommodate one another is key!.

otherwise - do what my late uncle did.... first wife gave him hard time, he gave her seperate home after 20 yrs; married an 18yr old; after 10 yrs ... she too started to give him headaches, so he gave her a seperate home and married another 18 yr old; after 10 yrs... she too was giving him a hard time... he tells me, my boy ... i am thinking of giving her a seperate home and getting another 18 yr old wife; but ... here is the punch line.... 'i dont think i have the stamina any more'.....

he passed away 3 yrs later.

He was a LEGEND. Respect from my heart

 

[denel]

He was a LEGEND. Respect from my heart

yes.... he was at peace....

morale of the story.. dont let the pipes get rust; it will cause you to dry up

 

[313ghazi]

Assalamu alaikum

To inform all those who participated in this thread, I'm getting engaged soon as per my parents wishes. I've never met the guy but my heart is at peace alhamdulillah.

Please remember me in prayers.

Good luck. I still reccomend you ask him these questions and ask him to send you answers. Rather find out early before it's too late.

 

[dexter]

Assalamu alaikum

To inform all those who participated in this thread, I'm getting engaged soon as per my parents wishes. I've never met the guy but my heart is at peace alhamdulillah.

Please remember me in prayers.

MashaaALLAH
ALLAH mubarak kare
Believe me you did the right thing
You obeyed your parents wishes, InshaaALLAH everything will go well.