I think there are a number of factors at play here.
One is the rise of India on the global stage and the desire of young Indians to rise out of the ghetto. Claiming Pakistan to be irrelevant is just an easy cop-out for Indians to claim a global perspective.
Equally important is the influence of sensationalist and jingoistic media who use Pakistan as the bogeyman for every ill that plagues Indian society.
As bad as Mumbai terrorism was, it does not justify putting the entire India-Pakistan relationship on hold. India's reaction was that of a copy-cat USA-wannabe. But India is not the US. It cannot invade Pakistan unilaterally, command other countries to take sides, or otherwise pressure Pakistan. So instead it sulks and refuses to talk.
The Indian media continues to promote this collective sulk and the two countries keep drifting apart. While Indians may feel fine with it for now, given the current euphoria about the bright future, the fact is that, at the end of the day, you do have to get along with your neighbors. It is equally true for Pakistan as it is for India and both will eventually have to work hard to reestablish a relationship.
Firstly, no Indian lives in a ghetto man.
I have grown up in pre-liberalisation India, and while times were definitely much tougher than what they are now, and we did not have a fraction of what our kids today take for granted aspirationally, we most definitely did not live in a ghetto.
We have grown and prospered on the back of the effort put in by my father's generation, continued and accelerated by mine, and which will culminate in pre-destined global economic powerhouse status tomorrow by my kids'.
We did not do this to make you guys look small. We did not do this to gain acceptance by the West. We did this for us. So instead of grudging us (admittedly smoothly) what we have achieved by dismissing us as aspirational wannabes, maybe it is time for you guys to do the same, whatever route you decide for yourselves.
Our media is no different from media anywhere else. So don't grudge them their living either.
When we say Pakistan is irrelevant, or that you do not count in the top 10 of the priority lists of most Indians, it is not to say that we are actively seeking to dehyphenate ourselves from you. It just is. And the de-hyphenation has happened on the world stage, and not a creation of us Indians.
If we feel justifiably vindicated and take small pleasure of occasionally rubbing your faces in it, instead of getting all uptight about it, use it instead to goad youselves into action and a concerted attempt at self-won parity.
Your final point. India and Indians would love to enjoy warm relations with Pakistan and Pakistanis. But if we do not, its not going to be something we cannot handle as a country. For as long as it takes. So please do not feel that we came back to the table and re-started dialogue because we were secretly worried about the repercussions of not re-engaging Pakistan.
Our reaction to Mumbai was measured, mature, responsible, and controlled. We are here today chatting on a forum thanks to that. You may or may not appreciate our response, but we both know that were the tables turned, the same would not ahve been the case.
And the world knows it too.
Cheers, Doc