Joke

[jha]

A tourist was kidnapped by Taliban in Afghanistan. He was subjected to interrogation after being suspected to be a secret agent.

The gun-totting guy asks him, "You are from America, are you?"

The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."

Another guy adds, "What do you do in Canada?"

The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

"A taxidermist? What the heck is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?” asks the gunman.

"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."

The guy grins and yells, “He's okay boys. He's one of us we can let him go."

 

[jha]

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia. As he`s leaving, the Russian leader tells him that in Russia they have a farewell custom called `Russian Roulette`, to demonstrate one`s courage.

The Russian whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder a spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger....CLICK...empty chamber.
He hands the revolver to his African guest and says, "Your turn."
Not to be outdone, the African repeats the ritual.CLICK....empty.

The next year, the Russian visits the African country. As he`s leaving, the African tells him that he was very impressed with "Russian Roulette` and that he has devised an African ritual to demonstrate one`s courage
.
The African then disappears through a door, only to reappear a few minutes later smiling and says, "Your turn."

The African escorts the Russian through the door. In the room are six of the most beautiful, naked women he has ever seen. The African explains that he is to choose one of the women, who will perform oral s** on him.

Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asks, "What kind of test of courage is this?"
The African calmly answers, "One of them is a cannibal."

 

[S.M.R]

Everyone in the parliament was shouting at a member who gave a statement that "Half of the parliamentarians are DONKEYS".
.
.
.
.
The speaker asked him to take his words back, he said okay okay, I take my statement back, "Half of the parliamentarians are NOT Donkeys".

 

[S.M.R]

A boy comes to her mom and says, Mummy Mummy, you know our driver Sharfoo just hugged our maid 'Rani' and then smooched her etc. etc. etc.
.
.
.
Mummy gets angry, and shout, Shaaaarffffoooooooooooooooooooooooooo, where the hell are you, I am gonna kill you, you are fired, how dare you do this to Rani.....
.
.
.
.
Boy: Mummy April Fool, April Fool, April Fool,
.
.
.
.
It was DAD.....not sharfoo

 

[Awesome]

Everyone in the parliament was shouting at a member who gave a statement that "Half of the parliamentarians are DONKEYS".
.
.
.
.
The speaker asked him to take his words back, he said okay okay, I take my statement back, "Half of the parliamentarians are NOT Donkeys".

Awesome stuff!

 

[fatman17]

A Husband takes his wife
To play her first game of golf.
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed,


'I warned you to be careful!
Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner apologise and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and
knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, ' Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw
the damage that was done: glass was all over
the place, and a brokenAntique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked,
'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped
in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you Don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said.
He pondered a moment and blurted out,
'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest
of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it,
it's the least I can do.

And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' The genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'and
your homes will always be safe from fire,
burglary and natural disasters!'




'And now,' the couple asked in unison,
'what’s your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've beentrapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said,
'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a
fortune, and all those houses.
What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

‘You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband.
‘I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon
enjoying each other.


The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over
and looked directly into her eyes and asked
‘How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said.


'Thirty-five years old and you both still
believe in genies?'

 

[fatman17]

GRANDMAIN COURT

This is the classic.. 'Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies....' scenario.

Grandma in Court

Lawyers should never ask grandmasquestion except they arewell prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small-townProsecuting Attorneycalled his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

LAWYER :" Mrs Jones...., do you know me?"

GRANDMA: "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.
You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, stared mischievously across the room towards the direction of the defence attorney.

LAWYER (to himself)
'oh ... well, i shall not fry alonewe might as wellhear what she knows about the defence
attorney...."

He continued his questioning of grandma.

LAWYER : "...Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?..."

GRANDMA "....Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defence attorney almost collapsed.

The judge summoned both lawyers to approach the bench and spoke to them in a quiet voice :

JUDGE : If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.

.............................................................................

 

[salvage]

Two indians, Nehru and Gandhi, are sitting at their favourite
bar, drinking beer.

Nehru turns to Gandhi and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through
life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the college
and sign up for some classes."

Gandhi thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Nehru goes down to the college and meets the Dean of
Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math,
Hindi, history, and Logic.

"Logic?" Nehru asks. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that
you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have
a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you
must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me
you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all
of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Nehru shakes the Dean's hand and
leaves to go meet Gandhi at the bar. He tells Gandhi about his classes,
how he is signed up for Math, Hindi, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Gandhi asks. "What's that?"

Nehru says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer."

 

[Masterchief]

Two indians, Nehru and Gandhi, are sitting at their favourite
bar, drinking beer.

Nehru turns to Gandhi and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through
life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the college
and sign up for some classes."

Gandhi thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Nehru goes down to the college and meets the Dean of
Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math,
Hindi, history, and Logic.

"Logic?" Nehru asks. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that
you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have
a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you
must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me
you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all
of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Nehru shakes the Dean's hand and
leaves to go meet Gandhi at the bar. He tells Gandhi about his classes,
how he is signed up for Math, Hindi, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Gandhi asks. "What's that?"

Nehru says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer."

i'll call this joke a PJ(PHATTU JOKE), not only dry and boring but disgusting too, hey fatman sir here goes your thread down don't blame us.

 

[S.M.R]

A woman was in her bedroom with her 'boyfriend'.

There was a Knock on door, the boyfriend asked women, who could be on door, woman said Probably my husband, the boyfriend started picking his clothes etc. Woman asked, where are you going? boyfriend, your husband is here, i m gonna run from the back door....

The wife said, dont worry, my husband believes in DEMOCRACY, He is alone and we are Two, so dont go anywhere...

 

[S.M.R]

'Thirty-five years old and you both still
believe in genies?'

 

[jha]

 

[S.M.R]

How different persons see the same 'incident' in different ways...

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: 'You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'.
The man says: 'But I am not a New Yorker!'
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
'Brave American saves life of little girl' the policeman answers.
'But I am not an American!' - says the man. Oh, what are you then?'
The man says: 'I am a Pakistani!'
The next day the newspapers say: 'Extremist kills innocent American dog'

 

[U-571]

A Husband takes his wife
To play her first game of golf.
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed,


'I warned you to be careful!
Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner apologise and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and
knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, ' Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw
the damage that was done: glass was all over
the place, and a brokenAntique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked,
'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped
in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you Don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said.
He pondered a moment and blurted out,
'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest
of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it,
it's the least I can do.

And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' The genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'and
your homes will always be safe from fire,
burglary and natural disasters!'




'And now,' the couple asked in unison,
'what’s your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've beentrapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said,
'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a
fortune, and all those houses.
What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

‘You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband.
‘I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon
enjoying each other.


The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over
and looked directly into her eyes and asked
‘How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said.


'Thirty-five years old and you both still
believe in genies?'

poor woman always gets into the trap

 

[BelligerentPacifist]

How two different persons see the same 'incident' in different ways...
...

That is your version of a politically correct joke? Why degrade such a delightful ni3mah such as sex, and a marvel of the Creator's creation such as women.