Joke

[Pk_Thunder]

A man got failed in english paper...he did english translation like this.
1:Main aam admi nahi hoon...(i m not a mango man)
2:sarda aur garma fruit hain...(colda and hota r fruits)
3:mujhe bhi english aati hai..(english comes to me also)
4:2 aur 2 barabar 4...(give and give = to 4)
5:mera taluk haripur hazara se hai...(i m belong to green pur thousanda)!!!!

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What is business..?

Dad:i want u to marry a girl of my choice.
Son:NO
Dad:girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son:then ok!

Dad goes to bill gates,i want ur daughter to marry my son
Bill Gate:No!
Dad:My son is the CEO of world bank.
Bill GATes:then ok!


Dad goes to the president of the world bank,appoint my son as CEO of ur bank.
President:NO!
Dad:he is son in law of Bill Gate.
President:then ok!!

this is business..

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WHO IS GUILTY?wife dreaming at night suddenly shouts,,,"Quick my husband is back"..Man gets up,jumps out of the window and...realises
"Dammit i am the husband!!!!"

 

[ejaz007]

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie (Corb), leans out the window and asks the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?” The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resoluti on photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says, “You have exactly 1586 sheep.” “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep.” says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep? “The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?” “You’re a consultant.” says the shepherd. “Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?” “No guessing required.” answered the shepherd. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know crap about my business. . . ” … Now give me back my dog.

 

[ejaz007]

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for
Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Saqlain a Pakistani living in USA.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA programming to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Saqlain says to himself, I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more
than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room... Saqlain says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to
leave. 500 people leave the room. Saqlain says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose? ' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to
leave. 498 people leave the room. Saqlain says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.
Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates
who have all the required qualifications & experience I am looking for and speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

and......

Calmly, Saqlain turns to the other candidate and says ` Kaisa hay .. Ustaad?'

The other candidate answers..... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
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Oye....lalay. ........tu bhee Pakistani hay??

 

[ejaz007]

Close aides to President has revealed:

Subsequent to further flirting, Sarah Palin divorces her current husband
and gets married to Zardari.

Then Palin becomes Vice President of USA.

Then Zardari kills Palin, changes the Will to say, "Zardari will become
the next President of USA after I die".

So, Zardari becomes President of US after six months of Palin's death.

And Bilawal changes his name to Bilawal Palin Zardari.

WORKS EVERY TIME !!!

 

[ejaz007]

Funny Jokes SMS Videos Pictures Games 'n' Fun - Funtoosh.com

 

[ejaz007]

This is also funny:

http://www.funtoosh.com?mclips/play.php?id=sxy_lad

 

[ejaz007]

This ever happened to any one on the forum?

http://www.funtoosh.com?mclips/play.php?id=t_kiss

 

[ejaz007]

This is even better:

http://www.funtoosh.com?mclips/play.php?id=dumb_bush

 

[TOPGUN]

HAHAH lol!!

 

[Imran Khan]

عراق میں امریکی فوج کا ایک اور بلیک ہاک ہیلی کاپٹر زمین بوس ہوگیا ہے جس کے بعد ایک ماہ میں اس انتہائی جدید ترین لڑاکا جہاز کے گرنے کے واقعات کی کُل تعداد 8 ہوگئی ہے۔ عراق کے گلی کوچوں میں چلنے پھرنے کی شدید دقّت کے بعد ان دنوں امریکی فوجی اعلیٰ پائے کے ان جہازوں کو ٹیکسیوں کی طرح استعمال کر رہے ہیں جس کی وجہ سے بغداد اور گرد و نواح میں ہر وقت ان ہیلی کاپٹروں کا شور سنا جا سکتا ہے۔ تاہم کچھ ایسے اشخاص جو اس طرح کی نقل و حرکت کو پسندیدگی سے نہیں دیکھ پاتے وہ آتے جاتے ان پر گولیوں کی بوچھاڑ اور راکٹوں کے حملے کرتے رہتے ہیں جس کے باعث ایک ہی ہلّے میں اکثر 8، 10 فوجی اوپر سے مزید اوپر روانہ ہو جاتے ہیں۔ ​

 

[Imran Khan]

پاکستان کرکٹ بورڈ کے شعبۂ خواتین نے ناقابلِ یقین اور غیر روشن خیال قسم کے فیصلے کرتے ہوئے اعلان کیا ہے کہ ماہِ نومبر میں ہونے والے خواتین عالمی کپ کے میچوں میں مردوں کی شرکت پر پابندی ہوگی۔ مرد حضرات جو خواتین ورلڈ کپ میچوں کا عرصے سے انتظار کر رہے تھے اس فیصلہ پر ساکت و صامت کھڑے رہ گئے ہیں۔ نیشنل اسٹیڈیم کراچی میں ہونے والے ان میچوں میں صرف خاندانوں (فیملی&#1586 کو شرکت کی اجازت ہوگی۔ یاد رہے کہ مقابلوں میں نیدر لینڈ، آئر لینڈ اور اسکاٹ لینڈ جیسی خوش شکل ٹیمیں حصہ لے رہی ہیں اور مردانہ حلقوں میں ان میچوں کے ٹکٹ کافی عرصے سے بلیک ہو رہے تھے۔ ​

 

[Imran Khan]

پاکستان نے امریکہ کو ترکی بہ ترکی جواب دیتے ہوئے اور باجوڑ ایجنسی میں بمباری کا بدلہ لیتے ہوئے کیلیفورنیا میں واقع امریکہ کے اہم ترین تفریحی مرکز ڈزنی لینڈ پر بمباری کردی ہے جس سے پارک مکمل طور پر تباہی کا منظر پیش کرنے لگ گیا ہے۔ پارک میں موجود سلائڈیں، برقی جھولے اور رولر کوسٹر سب کلی طور پر تباہ ہوگئیں۔ پاکستان کی جانب سے تین ایف۔16 طیاروں نے اس کاروائی میں حصہ لیا اور یہ حملہ مقامی وقت کے مطابق صبح پونے 6 بجے کیا گیا۔ صبح کا وقت ہونے کے باعث کسی انسانی ہلاکت کی اطلاع نہیں ملی ہے۔ حیران کن امر یہ ہے کہ آج کل پاکستانی وزیر اعظم امریکی دورے پر ہیں اور ڈر ہے کہ اس حملے کے بعد انہیں ملک سے دھکے دے کر نکال باہر کیا جائے گا۔ پاکستانی دفترِ خارجہ نے ایک بیان میں کہا ہے کہ پاکستان پر کیے گئے کسی معمولی سے بھی حملے کا نتیجہ تباہ کن ہوا کرتا ہے اور تازہ حملے نے یہ بات امریکی بچوں کو ذہن نشین کرادی ہوگ​

ی۔

 

[ahsanshaheen]

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joey Shasta, retired pilot, of Pittsburg, PA."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom."

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he flew, people prayed."

http://www.defence.pk/forums/images/smilies/cute/BVICTORY.gif

 

[ahsanshaheen]

* Problem: "Smoke in cabin."
* Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days."


* Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)."
* Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day."


* Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail."
* Solution: "Use a real missile. Missile is a Cap9 (captive trainer)."


* Problem: "IFF Knob binding, hard to turn."
* Solution: "IFF 'push to turn' knob works correctly when pushed to turn."


* Problem: "Missile (AIM-9) wont track on the ground."
* Solution: "System fully operational, flightsuit insert inop (side stick controller)."


* Problem: "Missile (AIM-9) tone very weak, almost inaudible."
* Solution: "Turn up the volume."


* Problem: "Rear cockpit HUD repeter unviewable, looked like squiggly ****."
* Solution: "HBO ordered MICAP zero Ballance."


* Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
* Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."


* Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
* Solution: "Evidence removed."


* Problem: "Target Radar hums."
* Solution: "Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics."


* Problem: "Number three engine missing."
* Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."


* Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
* Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."


* Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
* Solution: "Live bugs on order."


* Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
* Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."


* Problem: "IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) inoperative."
* Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode"


* Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
* Solution: "That's what they're there for."


* Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
* Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."


* Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
* Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."


* Problem 1: "No. 2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
* Solution 1: "No. 2 Propeller seepage normal."
* Problem 2: "No. 1, No. 3, and No. 4 propellers lack normal seepage."


* Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
* Solution: "IT DOES NOW."


* Problem: "Roaches in galley."
* Solution: "Fed and watered roaches"


* Problem: "Laboratory mice loose in bag bin."
* Solution: "No cat this station."


* Problem: "Aircraft handles FUNNY."
* Solution: "Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious."


* Problem :"UHF does not work in OFFicial mode."
* Solution: " Found short between the headphones."


* Problem: "Anti Collision Strobe Intermitently on."
* Solution: "Removed and Replaced Side Stick Actuator."


* Problem: "Sounds like little man is beating on the bottom of the floor with a hammer."
* Solution: "Took hammer from man and made him promise not to do it again."


* Problem: "Bugs smashed on canopy."
* Solution: "Gave bugs coffee and told them to move along."


* Problem: "Crew door hard to close." (on a KC-135)
* Solution: "Green suit needs to up his weaties intake."


* Problem: "No. 3 engine knocks at idle"
* Solution: "No. 3 engine let in for a few beers"


* Problem: "Funny smell in cockpit"
* Solution: "Pilot told to change cologne"


* Problem: "The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn."
* Solution: "Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn."


* Problem: "Transponder inoperative."
* Solution: "Transponder always inoperative in OFF mode."


* Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
* Solution: "That's what they're there for!"

 

[Imran Khan]

Saudi man offers huge reward for missing pooch







The Riyadh resident plastered 3,000 posters of his rare species dog around town

DUBAI (AlArabiya.net)

A Saudi man has offered a reward of 7, 500 riyals (about $ 2,000) for anyone who finds his lost rare and expensive dog, local press reported Thursday.

The Riyadh resident, identified only as Mohammad, plastered 3,000 missing posters around town after he discovered his rare species dog, which he purchased from the United States, had disappeared, the Saudi newspaper Shams reported.


Since then, Mohammad has received several calls alleging the pooch had been spotted around the neighborhood. As the hunt continued, elderly neighbors sympathized with Mohammad and offered their drivers to help search for the female dog.

However, most residents were surprised by the massive hunt for the pooch, describing it as something they only see in American movies.

Earlier this year, Saudi Arabia’s religious police banned the sale of cats and dogs as pets. Owners were also banned from walking pets in public because men were using them as a means of making passes at women

The ban was most strictly enforced in the Saudi capital of Riyadh, while in other cities like Mecca and Jeddah, the prohibition failed to stop pet sales.