Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
- Start date
The Sandman
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Zibago
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Ala anta ya bibi jamelun kabiraUghhhh its Shawarma not shwarmasigh
Hahahaha
asad71
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A General who was on vacation near an Army Camp decided to pay a surprise visit...
At the gate accompanied by his pet Golden Retriever he received a smart salute from the sentry....
Sentry: Good Morning Sir, welcome to Camp David.
General: Good Morning Soldier / returning the salute...
Soldier: Nice looking Dog Sir!
General: Thank you, got it today for my wife!
Soldier: Fair Exchange Sir
At the gate accompanied by his pet Golden Retriever he received a smart salute from the sentry....
Sentry: Good Morning Sir, welcome to Camp David.
General: Good Morning Soldier / returning the salute...
Soldier: Nice looking Dog Sir!
General: Thank you, got it today for my wife!
Soldier: Fair Exchange Sir
MastanKhan
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? Two men are having a drink in a bar. One says: "You know, I've never really understood what dilemma means? .."
"Let me tell you a story," says the other man, "Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you. To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have sex with you, and to your right is a very #$%$ gay man."
"So where's the dilemma?" replies the first man.
"To whom do you turn your back?"?
"Let me tell you a story," says the other man, "Imagine you wake up in a bed with two people next to you. To your left is an incredibly beautiful woman willing to have sex with you, and to your right is a very #$%$ gay man."
"So where's the dilemma?" replies the first man.
"To whom do you turn your back?"?
The Sandman
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django
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Instead of any sympathy he deserves a double slap on his slaphead lol.
The Sandman
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KediKesenFare3
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Levina
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Could not stop laughing at a husband's reaction after a soccer match 
@S.U.R.B. @halupridol @OrionHunter
@BDforever
@S.U.R.B. @halupridol @OrionHunter
@BDforever
asad71
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THE 6 BEST AFFAIRS:
---------------------
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
---------------------
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two
beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife:
'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters
I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind
my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'
---------------------
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.
'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
---------------------
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around2 AMthe husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
---------------------
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked:
'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
---------------------
The 6th & Best Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
---------------------
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
---------------------
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two
beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife:
'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters
I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind
my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'
---------------------
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.
'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
---------------------
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around2 AMthe husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
---------------------
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked:
'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
---------------------
The 6th & Best Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
OrionHunter
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Funny Pakistani anchors! Bloopers galore! But I found it cute!
asad71
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Well at Least I Tried...
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, D.C., when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter, addressing the Harley rider, says: 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
- Advertisement -
The Harley rider replies: 'Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says: 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living?'
The biker replies: "I'm a U.S. Marine."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”.
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, D.C., when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter, addressing the Harley rider, says: 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
- Advertisement -
The Harley rider replies: 'Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says: 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living?'
The biker replies: "I'm a U.S. Marine."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”.
Inception-06
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Burn in hell and join the gang bang of your mother, Adolf and Stalin have already fucked your mother thats why have always the picture of Stalin near you, in this forum even as your profile image, so you never forget that, you will remain forever a son of bitch !
