Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
- Start date
MastanKhan
PDF VETERAN
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2005
- Messages
- 21,269
- Reaction score
- 166
- Country
- Location
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gor...geous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gor...geous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
Attachments
Woody Nerd
FULL MEMBER
New Recruit
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2015
- Messages
- 38
- Reaction score
- 0
- Country
- Location
**Rated R**
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I am suffering from premature ejaculation. My wife remains unsatisfied and I dont know what to do"
The doc says, "No need to worry at all. All you need to do is to cause a distraction as soon as you are about to orgasm."
The man says,"But how will i cause a distraction when i am about to have an orgasm??"
Doc says, just hold a gun in your hand and fire it when you are about to come.
So the man goes home and tries it, but the next day he is again at the doc's office.
The doctor asks, how did it go?
He says, "Doc it was a real mess up. As soon as we started we found ourselves in the 69 position, and when i was about to come i shot the gun. But as soon as i fired, two things happened, my wife bit 2 inches off my di*k, and the neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air".
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I am suffering from premature ejaculation. My wife remains unsatisfied and I dont know what to do"
The doc says, "No need to worry at all. All you need to do is to cause a distraction as soon as you are about to orgasm."
The man says,"But how will i cause a distraction when i am about to have an orgasm??"
Doc says, just hold a gun in your hand and fire it when you are about to come.
So the man goes home and tries it, but the next day he is again at the doc's office.
The doctor asks, how did it go?
He says, "Doc it was a real mess up. As soon as we started we found ourselves in the 69 position, and when i was about to come i shot the gun. But as soon as i fired, two things happened, my wife bit 2 inches off my di*k, and the neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air".
makky lozano
FULL MEMBER
New Recruit
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2014
- Messages
- 5
- Reaction score
- 0
- Country
- Location
(except the dirty jokes)hahhahaah nice
MastanKhan
PDF VETERAN
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2005
- Messages
- 21,269
- Reaction score
- 166
- Country
- Location
For future sales people:---
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'
MastanKhan
PDF VETERAN
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2005
- Messages
- 21,269
- Reaction score
- 166
- Country
- Location
A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already pooped my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man.
'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said.
Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already pooped my pants.'
BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!
MastanKhan
PDF VETERAN
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2005
- Messages
- 21,269
- Reaction score
- 166
- Country
- Location
genmirajborgza786
PDF VETERAN
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2006
- Messages
- 4,303
- Reaction score
- 20
- Country
- Location
Beat Thiz !
MastanKhan
PDF VETERAN
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2005
- Messages
- 21,269
- Reaction score
- 166
- Country
- Location
Gauss
BANNED
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2014
- Messages
- 514
- Reaction score
- -1
- Country
- Location
Two mathematicians were having dinner. One was complaining: ‘The average person is a mathematical idiot. People cannot do arithmetic correctly, cannot balance a checkbook, cannot calculate a tip, cannot do percents, …’ The other mathematician disagreed: ‘You’re exaggerating. People know all the math they need to know.’
Later in the dinner the complainer went to the men’s room. The other mathematician beckoned the waitress to his table and said, ‘The next time you come past our table, I am going to stop you and ask you a question. No matter what I say, I want you to answer by saying “x squared.”‘ She agreed. When the other mathematician returned, his companion said, ‘I’m tired of your complaining. I’m going to stop the next person who passes our table and ask him or her an elementary calculus question, and I bet the person can solve it.’ Soon the waitress came by and he asked: ‘Excuse me, Miss, but can you tell me what the integral of 2x with respect to x is?’ The waitress replied: ‘x squared.’ The mathematician said, ‘See!’ His friend said, ‘Oh … I guess you were right.’ And the waitress said, ‘Plus a constant.’
Later in the dinner the complainer went to the men’s room. The other mathematician beckoned the waitress to his table and said, ‘The next time you come past our table, I am going to stop you and ask you a question. No matter what I say, I want you to answer by saying “x squared.”‘ She agreed. When the other mathematician returned, his companion said, ‘I’m tired of your complaining. I’m going to stop the next person who passes our table and ask him or her an elementary calculus question, and I bet the person can solve it.’ Soon the waitress came by and he asked: ‘Excuse me, Miss, but can you tell me what the integral of 2x with respect to x is?’ The waitress replied: ‘x squared.’ The mathematician said, ‘See!’ His friend said, ‘Oh … I guess you were right.’ And the waitress said, ‘Plus a constant.’
Zibago
ELITE MEMBER
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2012
- Messages
- 37,006
- Reaction score
- 12
- Country
- Location
memon ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
memon:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Sheikh:Munna… !! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay
@Areesh @Sheikh Rauf
Sheikh Ka Beta Girlfriend Kay Sath Ghoom
Kar Ghar Wapis Aaya.
Baap Ney Pocha Kitnay Paisay Kharch Kiye?
Beta:30 Rupay.
Baap:Itnay Saraay.
Beta:Aba Us Kay Pass 30 Hi Thay....
P.S I myself am a Sheikh
Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
memon:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Sheikh:Munna… !! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay
@Areesh @Sheikh Rauf
Sheikh Ka Beta Girlfriend Kay Sath Ghoom
Kar Ghar Wapis Aaya.
Baap Ney Pocha Kitnay Paisay Kharch Kiye?
Beta:30 Rupay.
Baap:Itnay Saraay.
Beta:Aba Us Kay Pass 30 Hi Thay....
P.S I myself am a Sheikh
Sheikh Rauf
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2014
- Messages
- 5,732
- Reaction score
- -10
- Country
- Location
memon ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
memon:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Sheikh:Munna… !! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay
@Areesh @Sheikh Rauf
Sheikh Ka Beta Girlfriend Kay Sath Ghoom
Kar Ghar Wapis Aaya.
Baap Ney Pocha Kitnay Paisay Kharch Kiye?
Beta:30 Rupay.
Baap:Itnay Saraay.
Beta:Aba Us Kay Pass 30 Hi Thay....
P.S I myself am a Sheikh
hahahahaha...
Sheikh at shop: Bhai 1 rupy ka easy load kr do Shopkeeper: Itna load karwa k call karni hai ya sms? Sheikh: Karna te kuch ve nai bs aiven paise uraan di adat ae…
hath halka rakho mir bhai..
Arsalan
THINK TANK CHAIRMAN
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2008
- Messages
- 18,178
- Reaction score
- 65
- Country
- Location
Talking about jokes,, here you go:
Best Ever LCA - Tejas Pics Collection ! | Page 26
Best Ever LCA - Tejas Pics Collection ! | Page 26
first arjun now this, another catatrophy from DRDO
Tonto Gonzalez Bubba
hahahhaaa
I am in office and typing this after some 5 minutes of uncontrollable laughter
hahahaha
Best Ever LCA - Tejas Pics Collection ! | Page 26
Best Ever LCA - Tejas Pics Collection ! | Page 26
first arjun now this, another catatrophy from DRDO
hahahahahahahahahaaaaa
Tonto Gonzalez Bubba
hahahhaaa
I am in office and typing this after some 5 minutes of uncontrollable laughter
hahahaha
