Joke

[Marshmallow]

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[Saifullah Sani]

Joke of the day

 

[Marshmallow]

@faisal6309

 

[MastanKhan]

Story of my teenage years.

 

[Levina]

@S.U.R.B.

A woman once went to her family physician with her crying baby. He determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

The woman returned to the doctor after several days and complained that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and realized what had gone wrong. The pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

"Put two drops in R ear every four hours"





Mary was shortsighted , to vain to wear glasses was determined to get married. She finally found herself a husband, and went off on a honeymoon with him. When Mary returned her mother gave a shriek , dashed to the telephone and rang up an oculist. "Doctor", she gasped , " You've got to come over here right away. It's an emergency. My daughter Mary has always refused to wear glasses and now she is back from her honeymoon and..." "Madam ," interrupted the doctor, "please control yourself. Ask your daughter to come and see me .No matter how bad her eyes are , it can't be that much of an emergency." "Oh, no ! " said the mother. "Well , this fellow she's got with isn’t the same one she went on the honeymoon with!"

 

[Marshmallow]

Story of my teenage years.

lolss

 

[Levina]

Husbands V/S Wives

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means,
With Idiot For Ever


Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping
pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you


Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.
Husband: You should have known it the minute
I asked you to marry me.

 

[thesolar65]

@faisal6309

I am an Electrical Engg. After 25 years of doing file work after passing out, I only remember V=IR. That's it!!

 

[Jf Thunder]

yeh thats a old one...but i oubt awais wrote it :reading1: its some one elses

i have to ask what are those strange signs i.e hashes etc between the words

 

[Sugarcane]

A little five year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.

His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."

Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy. I just haven't gone potty yet."

Mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"

Billy says: "works for ketchup."

 

[Sugarcane]

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

 

[BeyondHeretic]

-What did the Israeli merkava said to the Russian black eagle ?
-Hey , I get more American attention than you

 

[BeyondHeretic]

-If Russia attacks Israel from behind do you think Greece would help?

 

[vicky sen]

The CIA has three candidates, two men and a woman, for one assassin position.

On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances," he explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man is horrified, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!"

"Well," says the proctor, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

The CIA proctor leads the second male candidate to another large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances," the proctor explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The second man steadies himself, takes the gun and enters the room. After three quiet minutes, the man exits the room with tears in his eyes. "I wanted to do it -- I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

Finally, the CIA proctor leads the female candidate to yet another large steel door and hands her a gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."

The woman takes the gun, enters the room, and before the door even closes completely behind her, she's fired off six shots. Then all hell breaks loose behind the door -- cursing, screaming, crashing. Suddenly, all goes quiet.

The door opens slowly, the woman exits, and wiping the sweat from her brow, she says, "Did you guys know the gun was loaded with blanks? I had to beat the son of a b**ch to death with the chair!"