Joke

[Chaman_Lal]

How to make God laugh? ...make a plan.

 

[Marshmallow]

How to make God laugh? ...make a plan.

hw was dat funny?

 

[Chaman_Lal]

hw was dat funny?

People here are certainly young and full of optimism. Best wishes.

 

[Marshmallow]

People here are certainly young and full of optimism. Best wishes.

whts chamman lal?

 

[Chaman_Lal]

whts chamman lal?

Your jester's name, good lord, sir!

 

[Zarvan]

آدھی رات کو اچانک بیوی کی آنکھ کھلی، اس نے دیکھا کہ اس کا شوہر بستر میں نہیں ہے۔ وہ تشو یش کے مارے اٹھی اور سیڑھیوں سے اتر کر کچن میں آئی۔ تو شوہر کو کافی کا مگ ہاتھ میں پکڑ کر گہری سوچوں میں گم دیوار کو گھورتے پایا۔ بیوی نے جب شوہر کو آنسو پوچھ کر کافی کا سپ لیتے دیکھا تو بولی: کیا مسئلہ ہے ڈئیر؟ تم رات گئے اس وقت یہاں کیا کر رہے ہو۔

شوہر: (کافی سے سر اٹھایا اور بولا) تمھیں یاد ہے بیس سال پہلے جب تم اٹھارہ سال کی تھی تو ہم چوری چوری ملنے گئے۔ (شوہر نے آہ بھری، الفاظ آسانی سے نہیں نکل رہے تھے) اور کیا تمھیں یاد ہے جب تمہارے باپ نے ہمیں پکڑ لیا تھا۔

بیوی: (شوہر کے ساتھ کرسی پر بیٹھتے ہوئے) ہاں ڈئیر مجھے اچھی طرح یاد ہے

شوہر: تمھیں یاد ہے جب تمہارے باپ نے شاٹ گن مجھ پر تان کر کہا تھا، یا تو میری بیٹی سے شادی کر لو یا میں تمھیں بیس سال کے لئے جیل بجھوا دوں گا

بیوی: ہاں ڈئیر یہ بھی مجھے اچھی طرح یاد ہے

شوہر: (آنسو پونچھتے ہوئے) آج میں رہا ہو گیا ہوتا ۔ ۔ ۔

 

[Levina]

Fat man saw an ad: "lose 5kg in a week" in a newspaper. He calls the company & lady says be ready tomorrow at 6am.

The next morning he opens the door & finds a hot babe with just shoes & shirt saying "u catch me u kiss me!" & the girl starts running. He starts running but doesn't catch her. During the whole week he tried to catch her but couldn't. However he loses 5 kg.

He then asks for the 10kg program. Next morning at 6 he opens the door and sees an even hotter babe in shoes & a shirt saying "u catch me u kiss me". He loses 10 kg that week. So he thought this program is awesome! Lets try the 25 kg! So he asked for the 25 kg but the lady said "R u sure? its really tough". he said "YES!"

Next day at 6 he opens the door, he finds a negro gay saying

"If I catch u, I will kiss u..! 
@S.U.R.B.
Doc
You there???

 

[S.U.R.B.]

Fat man saw an ad: "lose 5kg in a week" in a newspaper. He calls the company & lady says be ready tomorrow at 6am.

The next morning he opens the door & finds a hot babe with just shoes & shirt saying "u catch me u kiss me!" & the girl starts running. He starts running but doesn't catch her. During the whole week he tried to catch her but couldn't. However he loses 5 kg.

He then asks for the 10kg program. Next morning at 6 he opens the door and sees an even hotter babe in shoes & a shirt saying "u catch me u kiss me". He loses 10 kg that week. So he thought this program is awesome! Lets try the 25 kg! So he asked for the 25 kg but the lady said "R u sure? its really tough". he said "YES!"

Next day at 6 he opens the door, he finds a negro gay saying

"If I catch u, I will kiss u..! 
@S.U.R.B.
Doc
You there???

I did certainly click the thanks, didn't i?

Here's mine...


I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.

She looked surprised.

 

[Liquidmetal]

When the first Indian astronaut stepped onto the surface of Mars, he found no signs of life.

By the time the second one stepped out of the spaceship, there was a corner shop and a curry house. 
The launch of the Indian Mars rocket had to be delayed today so that the pilot could be given time to finish his shift at the taxi rank.

So apparently there has been some sort of problem already with the Indian Mars mission.

Great. Now they need to call some sort of helpline - see how they fucking like it.

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[Sugarcane]

A patient complains to a famous psychologist:

Professor, I ve been having terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.

Who s been treating you until now?

Dr Lal Rathor.

I see. He s an idiot. I m curious to know what he advised you to do.

To come and see you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came charging towards him.

As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly continued his milking.

To everyone s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy, turned around and walked away .

Weren t you afraid? one of the workers asked the boy.

Not at all, the boy replied , I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.

 

[Sugarcane]

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "

The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,

"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

 

[BeyondHeretic]

What is difference between catholic and jewish wife?
Both mention jesus whilst sex , while the catholic really doesn't

 

[Marshmallow]

@Jazzbot @Leader @LoveIcon @Aamna14

 

[Levina]

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.

"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.

"My wife." said the man.