Cultural conflicts

[AHMED85]

The cultural conflict is strong phenomenon for illiterates...not for me......

 

[BelligerentPacifist]

...
(Pakistani boys and aunties don’t like girls who are above 25 when they are looking for a rishta, plus I am sure even you wouldn’t want anyone who is older than you.)
...

I find this comment a little stereotypical. Most guys around me are looking for mentally mature women. You don't get that below, say, 23. It's the guys' old-school mums that believe in laRkii ki umr paanch saal to qaliil tar honii chaahiye! The logic I heard from a grannie was that (and she was advocating a minumum of 10 years between the two!) that the man will die earlier than her and she'll still be there after him to raise the kids, and the kids need a mother more than they need a father. Unbeatable old subcontinental logic.

...
Which brings us to the third bit about the so-called values: the only thing I get is that you want a girl who is a virgin and preferably has never been in any physical contact with any boy. And then once you marry her, you don't want her thinking about other men or having an affair. That’s it right?

If you want chastity and then complete purity after marriage it isn’t happening.

C'mon now you're breaking my heart. Do you mean that I expect my wife to cheat on me, and that she will with a probability of 1? You're from their community, tell me are all girls like that? Don't you think that's unfair on us men who promise ourselves to stay loyal to our wives.

 

[SQ8]

@ all: yes my mom did in fact shortlist two girls she thought I should engaged with soon. I liked one of the girls (she was 6 months younger than me, & I'd known her from before). My mom made a proposal to that girl on my behalf to her mom, but she was 'taken'. Since then, I've told my mom I'm not ready to get engaged or married anytime soon. Meaning there's at least a few years for mangni/shaadi.

sigh.. we've been there now..

I find this comment a little stereotypical. Most guys around me are looking for mentally mature women. You don't get that below, say, 23. It's the guys' old-school mums that believe in laRkii ki umr paanch saal to qaliil tar honii chaahiye! The logic I heard from a grannie was that (and she was advocating a minumum of 10 years between the two!) that the man will die earlier than her and she'll still be there after him to raise the kids, and the kids need a mother more than they need a father. Unbeatable old subcontinental logic.
.

The is another logic behind it..
The idea being.. and Ill be very straightforward with this..
A guy in his late 50's can still get it on..
A women by her late 40's is all but done.
especially in desi girls.

 

[lem34]

Despite living outside of Pakistan for half of my life, I'm a pretty 'traditional' guy. Which means, marrying a Pakistani girl, no dating before that. Being financially 'adequate' before marrying the girl, living a 'safe, secure' life. That's what I've been taught. But I get conflicted sometimes. I'm the complete opposite of someone who wants a 'safe, secure' life. I want to do things that make me happy. But I don't want to be with an American chick either. I see myself wanting to be with a Pakistani girl in my future. Someone who's cool, who's "self-sustaining", independent, who's cool with me doing my own thing, who doesn't compare herself or 'us' with other individuals or couples in the society (as long as we're happy), who's ready to 'sail ship with me'. And these are things that are hard to find in Pakistani girls. They aren't as emotionally stable as the American chicks here, nor as "self-sustaining". I've also noticed that American girls aren't as judgmental about job titles of the guy if they're really into him, which isn't really found as much in desi girls. Sometimes I wonder how a marriage or a relationship can work without knowing the person before getting together, how the relationship can be based on love & trust if you haven't gotten to know the person well before marriage? In some ways, arranged marriages to me remind me of two people getting forced together, to be with one another, as a means of necessity than of true happiness.

And I'm 24, my parents don't want me looking for non-Pakistani, non-Muslim girls in America. I've told them I'm not interested in marriage right now. But that also means no dating on my part, especially with a non-Muslim, non-Pakistani girl. Which can be quite hard to comply with sometimes, especially when the job I've had after college totally sucks, & I hate doing it. I'm pretty sure my confidence for dating/asking girls out has been shot anyways, & all I can hope for is a Pakistani girl for myself in the future. But then they have certain traits I don't particularly like. It's a weird, conflicting state to be in.

I think that you should go out with lots of girls of differnt countries and religion. You do not have to be intimate to go out with girls. I have found that ther is no right or wrong you get swings and roundabouts. Perfect woman or man does not exist. Important is find someone compatible and someone you can talk to and like spending time with.

 

[BelligerentPacifist]

...
The is another logic behind it..
The idea being.. and Ill be very straightforward with this..
A guy in his late 50's can still get it on..
A women by her late 40's is all but done.
especially in desi girls.

Yes and that too.

Although I still maintain that the true value of marital companionship is only realized in old age when it's nothing but.

 

[Elmo]

The is another logic behind it..
The idea being.. and Ill be very straightforward with this..
A guy in his late 50's can still get it on..
A women by her late 40's is all but done.
especially in desi girls.

Yup that's true. Even today in 2011, girls as young as 16-17 are asked for by boys and their families -- ps. these are boys who have gone abroad, spent considerable time there going to nice unis and working in nice places.

23 and you are off the shelf.

I find this comment a little stereotypical. Most guys around me are looking for mentally mature women. You don't get that below, say, 23. It's the guys' old-school mums that believe in laRkii ki umr paanch saal to qaliil tar honii chaahiye! The logic I heard from a grannie was that (and she was advocating a minumum of 10 years between the two!) that the man will die earlier than her and she'll still be there after him to raise the kids, and the kids need a mother more than they need a father. Unbeatable old subcontinental logic.

It's not at all stereotypical. Boys around me here in Pakistan, people i have spent years in school and college want girls who are max. 21 and look pretty, and will take care of them, worship them yada yada. They are guys who have on an average 17 years of formal education and come from really good backgrounds.

Only if they fell for a fellow class fellow will they go for someone above 23, otherwise nada.

As for 'mental maturity' have yet to hear that one being spouted by a guy here. They want dumb women.

C'mon now you're breaking my heart. Do you mean that I expect my wife to cheat on me, and that she will with a probability of 1? You're from their community, tell me are all girls like that? Don't you think that's unfair on us men who promise ourselves to stay loyal to our wives.

may be you are/you will stay loyal to your wife, other guys are not like that. as for a girl cheating, my point was that anyone can cheat be it a Pakistani or an American girl. Why think that an American girl will have commitment issues?

 

[SQ8]

Prob being elmo.. two mentally mature people rarely get along at that age.. perhaps a guy in his 40's wants a mentally mature woman in he late 20's or early thirties.
Guy in their mid twenties... it all about the feeling like her surrogate dad..no pun intended.

 

[VelocuR]

I recommend to clear doubt of confusions, please watch this good example of Sheilpa Shetty with the feeling of Salman Khan.


Shaadi Karke Phasgaya Yaar

 

[Elmo]

Prob being elmo.. two mentally mature people rarely get along at that age.. perhaps a guy in his 40's wants a mentally mature woman in he late 20's or early thirties.
Guy in their mid twenties... it all about the feeling like her surrogate dad..no pun intended.

Yup, men have it so much easier.

If you are a guy in your 40s, you can still think of a girl in her 20s regardless of her being mature or not.

If you are a 'mentally mature girl' in your second half of 20s, the only thing left for you is mid-30s and 40s.

 

[T-Faz]

Yup that's true. Even today in 2011, girls as young as 16-17 are asked for by boys and their families -- ps. these are boys who have gone abroad, spent considerable time there going to nice unis and working in nice places.

These boys be boys and not men, thats why?

Momma's boy to be precise and potentially gay.

23 and you are off the shelf.

You are saying it as if its a shop.

It's not at all stereotypical. Boys around me here in Pakistan, people i have spent years in school and college want girls who are max. 21 and look pretty, and will take care of them, worship them yada yada. They are guys who have on an average 17 years of formal education and come from really good backgrounds.

These "boys" are burgers and their upbringing is such that they cannot get away from the mentality that they grew up with.

Blame the society and the environment.

Only if they fell for a fellow class fellow will they go for someone above 23, otherwise nada.

What if they fall for a teacher?

As for 'mental maturity' have yet to hear that one being spouted by a guy here. They want dumb women.

Come on, what about moi?

I am as mature as you can get.

As for dumb women, no, you keep em.

 

[SQ8]

Yup, men have it so much easier.

If you are a guy in your 40s, you can still think of a girl in her 20s regardless of her being mature or not.

If you are a 'mentally mature girl' in your second half of 20s, the only thing left for you is mid-30s and 40s.

Depends.. there are always rumors of Desi Aunties with their boy toys ..

On a serious note... my proposal for a girl.. or rather my parents proposing for a girl for me was recently rejected..because I was found too young.
Whilst I was happy this happened.. it shows that desi families still like the gy earning 100000 and over for their girl, doesn't matter if he is ten years older or not.

 

[T-Faz]

Bilal, I have found a solution for you hombre.

http://www.thai-professional.com/

You do not need to use my car or cow analogy anymore to find a girl, its as simple as buying a toy.

Like Elmo say's 'off the shelf'.

Enjoy and just don't do anything the good lord wouldn't do.

 

[MastanKhan]

Bilal,

My good buddy---just remember one thing----pakistani girls are no saints either---even family arranged ones. You are too young to get married----but looking at your condition---I believe that you should----it will help you look straight---man talk about pressure build up----five finger suzie can only do so much.

 

[Raja.Pakistani]

may be you are/you will stay loyal to your wife, other guys are not luike that. as for a girl cheating, my point was that anyone can cheat be it a Pakistani or an American girl. Why think that an American girl will have commitmeunt issues?

What others guys you are talking about who are not loyal to their wives. You should not speak on behalf of all desi married guys. I am sure you know there is difference in western and eastern society and i am sure you know in eastern society sex outside relationship is still consider taboo even sex before marrige is considered immoral while in society like usa or uk sex is treated as foods and one night stands are common there and sex without commitment is not considered immoral there so you cannot say there is no difference between american white or pakistani desi girl. Family system of pakistan is still strong and young peoples in western countries avoid getting marriges these days and prefer to live in temporary relationship as gf or bf.

 

[Ajaxpaul]

Bilal,

My good buddy---just remember one thing----pakistani girls are no saints either---even family arranged ones. You are too young to get married----but looking at your condition---I believe that you should----it will help you look straight---man talk about pressure build up----five finger suzie can only do so much.

good advice to bilal..