Why should women change their names on getting married?

[Levina]

For any Muslim bro/sis here advocating that women should take their husbands name after marriage...let me just make it known that it is generally considered impermissible (makrooh) for a woman to change her name to her husbands. peace out.

you mean its not allowed?

 

[nair]

My wife hasnt changed her sir name..... We are still happily married!!!!!!!

 

[Aepsilons]

As if women luv getting married
We also love our "independence".

he he, but of course, me-lady. women are also due their share of independence and freedom.

 

[Selous]

you mean its not allowed?

Yes ! (meaning it is NOT allowed)

 

[Levina]

My wife hasnt changed her sir name..... We are still happily married!!!!!!!

Look at the number of votes at top...it suggests that most men here still want to change their wife's name.
I seriously dont see any logic...because even I've not changed my maiden name (because of certificate issues..).
And endorsing hubby's name in my passport is more than enough for official purposes.

 

[Aepsilons]

As if women luv getting married
We also love our "independence".

My xgf of 3 years always pressured me on this aspect. The marriage aspect.

I think during our 2nd year of serious dating, she one asked me bluntly, "Do you love me enough to marry me?"

I seriously could not answer her, and at that moment i did felt pressured that she was indeed looking to settle already.

She pressured me on how we were going to raise our "future children". She's Korean, so she naturally wanted to make sure the children were to be raised Korean, to speak Korean language etc. I had no problem with that, in fact i'm all for cultural diversity and what not. She then asked if it was okay that if i would mind if the kids were to hold on to her family surname.

I told her that its fine if you keep your family name, but if we are to have kids in the future, since they have my blood, they will have my family name. Just that. Then she said something very asinine to me.

"But people will think that they're Japanese!"

I guess when she said this she was referring to what HER family would think. Her Korean family, Her Korean friends, etc etc.
I was so insulted. As if it is a shame for our kids to showcase their Japanese identity.

The following year we broke up.

If she was embarassed of me , I don't understand why she wanted to start a relationship with me. She should have just dated some other Korean guy. But whatever. Ever since then, I've become so cynical about marriage...or love...

 

[nair]

Look at the number of votes at top...it suggests that most men here still want to change their wife's name.
I seriously dont see any logic...because even I've not changed my maiden name (because of certificate issues..).
And endorsing hubby's name in my passport is more than enough for official purposes.

Basically it is ego, at times it is the family ego (not the individual) otherwise i dont see any difference....

 

[Aepsilons]

Basically it is ego, at times it is the family ego (not the individual) otherwise i dont see any difference....

I've noticed this to be a problem when the woman comes from a higher socioeconomic startum than the man. I've seen some of my guy friends who married into a very, very wealthy family in Japan. Not only does the girl's family put down the husband, but it also strains the marriage.

 

[NKVD]

Look at the number of votes at top...it suggests that most men here still want to change their wife's name.
I seriously dont see any logic...because even I've not changed my maiden name (because of certificate issues..).
And endorsing hubby's name in my passport is more than enough for official purposes.

So you put blame on men again typical feminists .marriage is mutual relationship if women don't want there husband surname no one is enforcing anything on them it's women's choice

 

[Levina]

My xgf of 3 years always pressured me on this aspect. The marriage aspect.

I think during our 2nd year of serious dating, she one asked me bluntly, "Do you love me enough to marry me?"

I seriously could not answer her, and at that moment i did felt pressured that she was indeed looking to settle already.

She pressured me on how we were going to raise our "future children". She's Korean, so she naturally wanted to make sure the children were to be raised Korean, to speak Korean language etc. I had no problem with that, in fact i'm all for cultural diversity and what not. She then asked if it was okay that if i would mind if the kids were to hold on to her family surname.

I told her that its fine if you keep your family name, but if we are to have kids in the future, since they have my blood, they will have my family name. Just that. Then she said something very asinine to me.

"But people will think that they're Japanese!"

I guess when she said this she was referring to what HER family would think. Her Korean family, Her Korean friends, etc etc.
I was so insulted. As if it is a shame for our kids to showcase their Japanese identity.

The following year we broke up.

If she was embarassed of me , I don't understand why she wanted to start a relationship with me. She should have just dated some other Korean guy. But whatever. Ever since then, I've become so cynical about marriage...or love...

I understand!
when she asked you "do you love me enough to marry me?" she just wanted to know if you're committed or may she was getting insecure that she wanted to stamp the relationship with the seal of a marriage.
Such a situation would 've arisen if I were to marry a muslim guy (now thats sacrilegious in Hindus) but if I think that if I'm bold enough to fall for a muslim guy then I should be bold enough to face my extended family too.
In short that your GF should have never said that line ""But people will think that they're Japanese!"...

But @Nihonjin1051 there's one thing that struck me like a bolt of thunder..."but if we are to have kids in the future, since they have my blood, they will have my family name."
Men!!! I tell ya!!
The kid has mother's X genes too...whether XX or XY both the parents contribute 50%...isnt it?

I liked the way my friend named her kid..the kid has father's and mother's name in the end. Just like Sanja "Leela" Bhansali...where Leela is his mom's name.

 

[Levina]

So you put blame on men again typical feminists .marriage is mutual relationship if women don't want there husband surname no one is enforcing anything on them it's women's choice

Give me one GOOD reason why she should change her name???
For official purposes we just need the marriage certificate to prove that I'm married to a man.And endorsing husband's name on a separate page (without adding his name to her name )to your passport for international purposes.
Not even in a muslim country have they challenged my maiden name or have they asked me why I havent changed my name??
It is not about being a feminist...I just dont see a logic behind this.
Is it like putting a seal on woman's name that "NOW I OWN HER"???

 

[Aepsilons]

I understand!
when she asked you "do you love me enough to marry me?" she just wanted to know if you're committed or may she was getting insecure that she wanted to stamp the relationship with the seal of a marriage.
Such a situation would 've arisen if I were to marry a muslim guy (now thats sacrilegious in Hindus) but if I think that if I'm bold enough to fall for a muslim guy then I should be bold enough to face my extended family too.
In short that your GF should have never said that line ""But people will think that they're Japanese!"...

But @Nihonjin1051 there's one thing that struck me like a bolt of thunder..."but if we are to have kids in the future, since they have my blood, they will have my family name."
Men!!! I tell ya!!
The kid has mother's X genes too...whether XX or XY both the parents contribute 50%...isnt it?

I liked the way my friend named her kid..the kid has father's and mother's name in the end. Just like Sanja "Leela" Bhansali...where Leela is his mom's name.

It was one of those many a night - bed conversations we used to have. I would be sleeping in bed and then she would rub my back to wake me up to ask these "little" questions (her questions btw were long winded , and very specific...) LOL. women!

So i was naturally caught off guard when she asked me that marriage question. To be honest, cheche, I did love that woman, heck i was brave enough to move in with her , get an apartment together and commit myself to one woman. But i think in the end, she was pressured by her family , especially her older brother who was not too keen on me being Japanese or dating his sister. I just wish that she and i could have worked on the differences.

Perhaps i was also guilty on being too reactive. Perhaps i was too over-emotional when she said that, or how i analyed the situation how her family viewed me and everything. Like for me, getting married is a two way street, right? If we marry someone we not only marry the individual we love, but also the family members whom they are part of.

As to your friend's naming of children; that's so cute !! Talk about union of family names , right?

Ha....such is life . The experiences we learn...

 

[Aepsilons]

Give me one GOOD reason why she should change her name???
For official purposes we just need the marriage certificate to prove that I'm married to a man.And endorsing husband's name on a separate page (without adding his name to her name )to your passport for international purposes.
Not even in a muslim country have they challenged my maiden name or have they asked me why I havent changed my name??
It is not about being a feminist...I just dont see a logic behind this.
Is it like putting a seal on woman's name that "NOW I OWN HER"???

LOL. Its the other away around with Korean woman. The woman "owns" the man. ha ha ha!

Very possessive they are, well, judging from my experience.

 

[Levina]

It was one of those many a night - bed conversations we used to have. I would be sleeping in bed and then she would rub my back to wake me up to ask these "little" questions (her questions btw were long winded , and very specific...) LOL. women!

It happens!!
I guess thats just the right time to pop such questions.

So i was naturally caught off guard when she asked me that marriage question. To be honest, cheche, I did love that woman, heck i was brave enough to move in with her , get an apartment together and commit myself to one woman. But i think in the end, she was pressured by her family , especially her older brother who was not too keen on me being Japanese or dating his sister. I just wish that she and i could have worked on the differences.

@Armstrong you see that??
Be a man atleast go and propose that gal.

Perhaps i was also guilty on being too reactive. Perhaps i was too over-emotional when she said that, or how i analyed the situation how her family viewed me and everything. Like for me, getting married is a two way street, right? If we marry someone we not only marry the individual we love, but also the family members whom they are part of.

Right lil bro!
Its so important that the family also accepts you.But I think this problem exists only during the initial phase of a marriage.After 4-5 years nobody really cares.
Yes it could've been worked out.But now that its over...I hope you're not sour about it.

As to your friend's naming of children; that's so cute !! Talk about union of family names , right?

Interestingly I've not seen anyone using wife's SURNAME but just her name.

 

[dropkix]

My xgf of 3 years always pressured me on this aspect.
She pressured me on how we were going to raise our "future children". She's Korean, so she naturally wanted to make sure the children were to be raised Korean, to speak Korean language etc.

"But people will think that they're Japanese!"
...

これを読んで驚いたよ。。。日本と韓国の文化似ているのに。。。

I guess there still is a rift between Korea and Japan isn't there...