SpArK
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The curious history of US-Pakistan relations
The United States first established diplomatic relations with Pakistan on October 20, 1947.
The relationship since then has been based primarily on US economic and military assistance to Pakistan, which Pakistan never seems to get enough of.
Pakistan is a major non-Nato ally of the United States, even though, for some odd reason, it keeps pretending that it is one of the biggest anti-US powers in the world.
The United States is the second-largest supplier of military equipment to Pakistan and largest economic aid contributor, but Pakistanis refuse to acknowledge this and insist that the equipment and the aid actually come from Saudi Arabia via Dubai on flying camels.
In 1955 Pakistan became a member of the US-run Central Treaty Organisation (also known as Central Free Treats Organisation).
The promise of economic aid from the US was instrumental in creating the agreement.
Getting the secret Coca-Cola formula was also a motivation.
During the Indo-Pakistan War of 1965, the US did not provide Pakistan with military support as pledged. This generated a widespread feeling in Pakistan that the United States was no longer a reliable ally.
According to the US, it cut off weapons supplies because Pakistan military had started the war with India by using its soldiers disguised as Kashmiri mujahideen.
However, the Americans did consider nominating these Pakistani soldiers for the Oscars in the Best Character Actor category. They lost due to the obvious Judeo-Christian bias in Hollywood.
In 1971 Pakistanis were angry at the US again for not bailing them out from yet another war they started against India.
Just why Pakistanis kept testing their friendship with the US by starting hopeless wars with India is anybodys guess, but some experts believe Pakistanis found bullets and bombs better tasting than the Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookies the US sent for the Pakistani war effort.
In April 1979, the United States suspended economic assistance to Pakistan over concerns about Pakistans nuclear program under the Foreign Assistance Act.
The Pakistan government, then under the benevolent dictatorship of General Ziaul Ghaznavi, retaliated by banning the sale of Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookies, and publically flogging over 200 young men just for the heck of it.
However, since God moves in mysterious ways and (according to the Pakistan Ideology) is more akin to listen to the prayers of pious military generals and fat pious men, the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan forced the US to rethink its Pakistan policy.
The Russian invasion of Afghanistan (inspired more by smuggled John Wayne movies dubbed in Russian than Karl Marx), highlighted the common interests of Pakistan and the United States in opposing the evil Darth Soviet.
In 1981, Pakistan and the United States agreed on a $3.2 billion military and economic assistance program aimed at helping Pakistan deal with the heightened threat to security in the region and its economic development needs. The deal was codenamed LOL!
The poised, pious, powerful Zia regime distributed the military aid among the Pakistan armed forces, the Afghan mujahideen, enterprising gunrunners, drug barons, university students and wedding planners; whereas, the economic aid was used to develop Pakistans economic infrastructure by building madrassas, madrassas, madrassas and mosques.
Pakistan with US, Saudi and/or divine assistance armed and supplied anti-Soviet fighters in Afghanistan, eventually defeating the Soviets, who withdrew in 1988 but left behind a number of bored Arab, Afghan, Chechen, Uzbek, Pakistani, Klingon and Romulan fighters.
These fighters wanted to recreate Afghanistan not like what it was just before the Soviet invasion but what Afghanistan was like on the eve of the first Bronze Age.
Post- Cold War
Prior to the September 11 attacks in 2001, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia were key supporters of the Taliban in Afghanistan.
The Taliban were a large group of herdsmen who were convinced that goats were more valuable than women, and sheep had more feelings than human beings.
By 1996 they were ruling Afghanistan.
The Pakistan-Saudi support to these handsome herdsmen was an integral part of the Pakistan militarys strategic depth objective vis-a-vis India, Iran, Russia and the Vatican City.
However, on September 11, 2001, reckless piloting by some Arabian camel jockeys eventually made them ram their flying camels into New Yorks World Trade Centre.
Pakistan, led by General Pappasalli Musharraf, reversed course and dumped the herdsmen after he was put under pressure by the US.
US president, George W. Wuss, had threatened Musharraf, growling that the US would bomb Pakistan back into Stone Age if he didnt dump the herdsmen.
What Wuss didnt realise was that a back-to-Stone Age scenario was exactly what the herdsmen and their supporters in Pakistan were working for!
Hee hee, said Sangsar Abbasi.
Nevertheless, imagining an age when the military was made up of very hairy, club-carrying, half-naked men, and when macho men and petite women didnt have a uniform fetish, and when Coca-Cola was yet to be invented, Musharraf joined the US in its Error on Terror as an ally.
Having failed to convince the Taliban to hand over Osama Bin There Done That and other members of al-Calendar, Pakistan provided the US with a number of military bases for its attack on Afghanistan, along with other logistical support such as double-talk, half-baked cakes, diarrhea pills and a pair of poodles.
Since 2001, Pakistan has arrested over 500 Al-Calendar herdsmen and handed them over to the US. But Pakistan kept the more muscular and pious looking ones for itself, lodging them on the mountains of Pakistans rugged rock n rolling tribal areas to tend to the militarys strategically depth sheep.
In return for its support, Pakistan had sanctions lifted and received about $10 billion in US aid, primarily military, whereas the rest of the aid was used in growing juicy grass, which a majority of Pakistanis eat so that their rulers can keep eating cake.
In June 2004, President George W. Wuss designated Pakistan as a major non-Nato ally, making it eligible, among other things, to purchase advanced American military technology and Betty Crocker chocolate-chip cookies with extra icing.
Pakistan has lost thousands of lives since joining the US Error on Terror.
Many Pakistanis believe approximately 3.6 million Pakistanis have been killed by US drones whereas just 130 or so have allegedly been killed by terrorists.
And anyway, they were actually killed by innocent men with an abnormal condition in which normal, peace-loving and pious men suddenly combust in mosques, shrines and markets.
This condition is blamed on the tempered polio drops these poor souls were given in childhood by Zionist agents masquerading as NGO workers.
)))
