"No in pakistan the government still has legitimacy however scant its still there."
Unfortunately, that legitimacy is questioned by many right here every day. So too, I'm sure, the legitimacy of Afghanistan's government. However, in both cases the U.N., America, and the rest of the democratic world believe the evolving process of electoral democracy is more important than temporal matters such as who the respective presidents might currently be. Democracy provides for that possibilitiy of leadership change under an electoral mandate provided it's consistently exercised.
"In Pakistan we also have a pushtun party that is secular and can challenge the taliban and not fall into their nationalist trap that pushtuns are being ignored."
Here's a chart by ICOS identifying the 67 largest political parties in Afghanistan. Evidently, there are more than 100 total-
Afghan Political Parties-ICOS
Did you know that a member of Hezb-I-Islami sits in a cabinet position of Karzai's government? I also note that Afghan Milat is a licensed political party in Afghanistan. Finally, I know that you're aware that no element of the Afghan taliban have ever been elected to an office. Do you expect that the taliban would form a political party and compete through elections? I don't.
I understand that the ANP holds considerable sway in NWFP. However, I don't see how negotiating with Omar increases the prospects of Pashtun participation in Afghan electoral politics unless he renounces violence and embraces an electoral pathway.
That would be immensely helpful. The biggest deterrant to pashtuns engaging their considerable electoral weight in Afghanistan has been terror enforced by a gun. In the absence of such, I'd fully expect that pashtun participation would dramatically rise.
"As much as possible so that we dont have a hostile neighbor on our western flank"
Involvement in each other's internal affairs might not be possible. Engagement as a diplomatic responsibility of each country's Ministry of Foreign Affairs should happen continuously. Would you find that satisfactory?
Thanks.