friendly_troll96
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The teacher was trying to get the children to string a sentence out using the word "beautiful" two times in the same sentence.
"Well Mary, what is your sentence?"
Mary replied, "My mother bought me a beautiful red dress which makes me look beautiful."
"Very good!", say's the teacher,
"Now Johnny, your turn".
To which Johnny say's, "My mother came in last night and said "I'm pregnant", my father said, "Beautiful, just f$*&ing beautiful".
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It is the first day of classes. The teacher walks in and says, "Children... Children, listen up. We are going to play a little guessing game to start off the day. I will put something behind my back, give two clues and you have to tell me what it is. Ready?"
The teacher grabs something from out of her desk and puts it behind her back. "What I have behind my back is long and yellow. What is it?"
Johnny throws up his hand, "I know, I know!"
Knowing how perverted little Johnny is the teacher ignored him and asked Anna. "Is it a Banana?"
"No, it's a pencil but I like the way your thinking!" She puts the pencil down and grabs something else. "Now this object is round and red. What is it?"
Once again Little Johnny begins to scream and holler, "I know, I know!", and once again the teacher ignores him. "Paul, what is it?"
"Is it an apple?"
"No, it's a ball, but I like the way your thinking."
All of the sudden Johnny slams his books down and storms up to the front of the room. "You know teacher, I am really sick of this bulls$(*!!! I think its time we play a little guessing game of our own." He reaches deep into his pocket. "Now I have something in my hand thats round, hard and has a head! What is it???"
"Oh my god, Johnny don't you dare pull out your ****!"
"No, it's a quarter... BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING!"
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There is this senior in high-school and he is mad because he has to share his room with his little brother, who is 9, they have bunk-beds and the older brother is on top...so one night the big brother comes home with his girlfriend for a little fun....he says to her.."My lil brother is asleep, whisper tomato for harder and lettuce for a different position." so they get up in the top bunk and start to do it, she begins saying lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato." eventually she begins to yell "LETTUCE, TOMATO, LETTUCE, TOMATO" finally the lil brother wakes up and says "would you two quit making sandwiches up there, your getting mayonnaise all over my face."
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Little Johnny was taking a bath one night and his dad walked in and asked for the vasoline and little johnny handed it to him. then his dad went back to his room the next morning little johnny went to eat breakfast and didn't see his mommy and daddy so he asked his grandma where they were she said they haven't come down for breakfast and little johnny laughed a little then went out to play at lunch johnny still didn't see his mommy and daddy and he asked his grandma where they were she said they still haven't came down from there room yet and little johnny laughs a little harder then he goes to play at supper he comes in and still doesn't see him mommy and daddy and asks his grandma where they are and she says they still haven't came down yet and little johnny laughs till he hits the ground and his grandma asks what is the matter little johnny and he says well last night daddy came in the bathroom and asked for the vasoline and instead i handed him the SUPER GLUE!!!!
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Little Johnny's sitting on the street corner playin with battery acid, when a priest walked up and said, "Johnny, you should play with holy water instead. Johnny says, "Why is that?". The priest says, "I put holy water on a pregnant lady and she passed a baby". Little Johnny says to the priest, "That ain't sh*t. I put battery acid on a cat's azz and he passed a Volkswagon!"
"Well Mary, what is your sentence?"
Mary replied, "My mother bought me a beautiful red dress which makes me look beautiful."
"Very good!", say's the teacher,
"Now Johnny, your turn".
To which Johnny say's, "My mother came in last night and said "I'm pregnant", my father said, "Beautiful, just f$*&ing beautiful".
-----------------------------------------------------------------
It is the first day of classes. The teacher walks in and says, "Children... Children, listen up. We are going to play a little guessing game to start off the day. I will put something behind my back, give two clues and you have to tell me what it is. Ready?"
The teacher grabs something from out of her desk and puts it behind her back. "What I have behind my back is long and yellow. What is it?"
Johnny throws up his hand, "I know, I know!"
Knowing how perverted little Johnny is the teacher ignored him and asked Anna. "Is it a Banana?"
"No, it's a pencil but I like the way your thinking!" She puts the pencil down and grabs something else. "Now this object is round and red. What is it?"
Once again Little Johnny begins to scream and holler, "I know, I know!", and once again the teacher ignores him. "Paul, what is it?"
"Is it an apple?"
"No, it's a ball, but I like the way your thinking."
All of the sudden Johnny slams his books down and storms up to the front of the room. "You know teacher, I am really sick of this bulls$(*!!! I think its time we play a little guessing game of our own." He reaches deep into his pocket. "Now I have something in my hand thats round, hard and has a head! What is it???"
"Oh my god, Johnny don't you dare pull out your ****!"
"No, it's a quarter... BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
There is this senior in high-school and he is mad because he has to share his room with his little brother, who is 9, they have bunk-beds and the older brother is on top...so one night the big brother comes home with his girlfriend for a little fun....he says to her.."My lil brother is asleep, whisper tomato for harder and lettuce for a different position." so they get up in the top bunk and start to do it, she begins saying lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato." eventually she begins to yell "LETTUCE, TOMATO, LETTUCE, TOMATO" finally the lil brother wakes up and says "would you two quit making sandwiches up there, your getting mayonnaise all over my face."
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Little Johnny was taking a bath one night and his dad walked in and asked for the vasoline and little johnny handed it to him. then his dad went back to his room the next morning little johnny went to eat breakfast and didn't see his mommy and daddy so he asked his grandma where they were she said they haven't come down for breakfast and little johnny laughed a little then went out to play at lunch johnny still didn't see his mommy and daddy and he asked his grandma where they were she said they still haven't came down from there room yet and little johnny laughs a little harder then he goes to play at supper he comes in and still doesn't see him mommy and daddy and asks his grandma where they are and she says they still haven't came down yet and little johnny laughs till he hits the ground and his grandma asks what is the matter little johnny and he says well last night daddy came in the bathroom and asked for the vasoline and instead i handed him the SUPER GLUE!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny's sitting on the street corner playin with battery acid, when a priest walked up and said, "Johnny, you should play with holy water instead. Johnny says, "Why is that?". The priest says, "I put holy water on a pregnant lady and she passed a baby". Little Johnny says to the priest, "That ain't sh*t. I put battery acid on a cat's azz and he passed a Volkswagon!"
