Bro panic attacks are no joke trust me, I remember the times when i stand in Prayer and suddenly my heart rate accelerate to 4-5 times than regular , and heavy breathing and blurry vision , imagine yourself standing in saf and than experience that, and I am too embarrass to break namaz .. when you get panic attack you have to change your position and divert your mind, i tried only focus on Prayer and recitation but it did not work well, trust me i did that hard enough for the sake of my own betterment .
I tried reading quran and offering namaz but eventually my heart and will gives up, doing that for time to time yet see and face the suffering and failure is just too much , and eventually I started questioning the Allah himself ..
I want to do the right things but seriously its so hard when all you hear is cursing and envy from the person you live with , you see your life in a circle of failures while others who are more fortunate than your while they never thank Allah for whatever they get in life .. I know people who not even pray Jummah and yet their lives are full of success and everything is fine while here I am struggling in the most basic stuff of life ..
I know people who did Zina , get blow jobs from girls in my uni , I protected myself from doing it, i had chances but i literally said no and walk away, i could have taken drugs or alcohol but i did safe my self from all that because i know that all of it is wrong .. than why Allah is making it personal with me ? I haven't commit Shirk ,Zina or eat Money of Orphans .. than why !! ?
I know right, my Phuppies are, their sisters are enjoying in America and Canada but if one of us even mention going their they lose their marbles .. They can do whatever they want but if we do it , than we forget our Auqaat Wah wah ..
I am horribly a talentless person, I might say i am good at Photography and sketching but now i am not even sure of that
trust I am not good at doing things .. if you know someone I can communicate and him is in Karachi than it would be helpful ..