Modi has hired ‘Border’ scriptwriter JP Dutta as war advisor: sources

[muhammadali233]

NEW DELHI: Recent maneuvers from the Indian side of the LoC have been masterminded by JP Dutta, it has emerged. Inside sources reveal that Prime Minister Narendra Modi has hired Dutta, the writer and director of Bollywood movies Border and LOC Kargil as his ‘scriptwriter’ and adviser on war and Pakistan policy.​

“The only instruction for Mister Dutta – although he didn’t really need it – is to blow everything out of proportion,” an Indian government official told Khabaristan Times. “Routine guns going off at the LoC should seem like an actual strategic surgical strike, and every Indian soldier appear like Sunny Deol,” he added.

“The more people killed the better. As we saw in the final scenes in Border.”

Reports further confirmed that slapstick comedians have taken over the India media, following strict instructions of the government’s new advisory board spearheaded by JP Dutta.

Reports also reveal that PM Modi is personally overlooking this manuscript, taking selfies at every venue to make sure he looks good.

“He invited the Russians as well, but they weren’t available till the completion of the military drill in Pakistan,” another source within the PM House confirmed.

The self-aggrandizing ‘Nationalist Salivation Dream Haters’, spearheaded by JP Dutta, have also ascertained that Pakistani actors and singers are the reason why terrorism takes place in India. Following the Filmfare Award winning director’s instructions all Pakistanis have been promptly threatened to leave India ASAP.

“Threatened, not asked, just in case they are carrying spy kabutars in their suitcases and they let them out on the way,” confirmed another insider who also revealed Sooraj Barjatya will be suing Dutta and Modi if royalty isn’t given for the kabutar episode.

For now Arvind Kejriwal and Imran Khan are keeping a very concerned eye on the events as the script unfolds.
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This is an article on a lighter note.

 

[Jobless Jack]

Major Sunny doel + Major ajay devgan + Subedar Uday chopra+ Subedar Avisheik bachaan led the squads to action, all action was commanded from the Indian war room by... field marshall Amitab bacchan

while a teary eyed sunny leone lead the prayers for their sucess at home : cue in the bollywood song:

all return with sunny bhai single handedly killing 40 terrorists by breaking the local plumbing system while ajay devgan cleared the loc of all security personel + equipemnt with his hand movements. while abishekh bachan was talking about his father the field marshall and uday chopra was confused.

hence all the boys made it back home to india after successfull mission... except uday chopra who was so confused that he walked without realising into dawood ibrahims house and embraced him thinking it was modi , he is curently enjoying all the hospitality dawood can afford .
so all the boys return home to the loving arms of Sunny di, while Uday bhai's return is being negotieated with pakistan by none other than the great Ajit dopeforall

Once Ajit bhai released his internal gasess on pakistan during the negotiation, terming it a chemical attack on pakistans sovirignity, pakistan forgets it has nuclear wepons and imedietly surrenders.

Ajit dopeforall and Field Marshall general Amitab Bachan gets Modi's ratna ( bharat ratna renamed due to his supreme achievent of being the prime minister who got rid of pakistan that too without firing a shot . ) presented by none other than Sunny leone. ( again)