Joke

[KashifAsrar]

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Solider: No, SIR!

 

[KashifAsrar]

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger . And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.

And God created the healthful yoghurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And Satan froze the yoghurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly coloured sprinkle candy to put on the yoghurt. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese. And there was ice cream for dessert. And woman gained pounds.

And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak from Kentucky, so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.

And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetablenaturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips waddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created Medical Aid.

 

[Spring Onion]

knock, knock, kncok
Bugi Says : Kon ha
Angel replied Taboot ki chabi chahyae tumhara hisab karna ha
Bugti: Sorry Chabi Gen Musharraf k pass ha

 

[EagleEyes]

Taboot kya hai? :/

 

[Spring Onion]

Yar the coffin box what u call it ???
Ask some one else

Neo :rollingeyes:

 

[KashifAsrar]

!!!Types of Marketing!!!

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry
him."
That's Advertising.



You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.



You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, and offer
her A ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.




You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..I want to marry you"
That's Brand Recognition.



You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!

 

[Lahori paa jee]

Once a sardar married a foreigner and brought her to his village. Sardar jee learned of the fact that his wife had aids. He informed his father of this.

Sardar jees father said: Oye khotey yeh kia kiya tum ney. Ab kiya ho ga. Ab tumhain bhi aids ho jaye ga, ghar par sab ko ho jaye ga, mujhe bhi ho gaye ga, mujh say teri maan ko ho gaye ga aur teri maan say sarey gaaon ko ho jaye ga

 

[A.Rahman]

teri maan say sarey gaaon ko ho jaye ga

 

[Cheetah786]

Mexican Restaurant

A Texan cowboy stopped at a restaurant in Mexico. While sipping his tequila,

he noticed a scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter,

"What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles

from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so very sorry senor. There is only one serving per day

because there is only one bull fight each morning.

If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the cowboy placed his order, and was served the one and only special

delicacy of the day. After a few bites he called to the waiter and said,

"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor, sometimes the bull wins."

 

[Cheetah786]

((((RING)))) (((RING)))

**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven''t got an Uncle
Frank."

"Oh yes I do, and he''s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

Brief Pause...

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that
Daddy''s car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn''t moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he
jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he
didn''t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the
bottom of the pool and I think he''s dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 555-7039??"

 

[Cheetah786]

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight one-two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village! Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out of court settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits! For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps ! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through thelandmark! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit. Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY!

 

[Cheetah786]

We don't sell to SARDARS

Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.

He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.

"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

 

[Cheetah786]

Did you hear about the sardar skydiver?

He missed the Earth!

Why does a sardar only change his baby's diapers once a month?

Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds."


Why couldn't the sardar write the number "eleven"?

He didn't know which "one" came first...


A little girl came into a grocery store and said: "My mommy told me to tell you that we found a dead fly in the raisin bread."

Grocer: "All right, tell you what'll do-bring me in the fly and I'll give you a raisin."


if the dog is chassing you you dont have to out run the dog u just have to out run your friends:army:

 

[Owais]

Teacher:Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student:A holiday

***

Teacher:Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher:Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

***

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."

 

[Neo]

A rich kid, a poor kid and a mexican kid are taking English class and the teacher asks:

Teacher: Okay kids, I want you to make a sentance with 'liver' and 'cheese'.

The Rich kid: Yesterday my mom bought fresh liver and 500gr of cheese to cook pate and cheese cake. It was delicious!

Teacher: Well done George, good sentance!

The poor kid: Yesterday I stole a piece of liver and 250gr of cheese from the super market. My mother boiled the liver and we eat it with cheese and crackers.

Teacher: Okay Billy, that will do!

The Mexican kid: Jesterday a gringo hitting on Maria; I say, Ey amigo, liver alone cheez my sista!