Joke

[Sugarcane]

A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.
The owner, a bit outraged, says "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place.."
A bit bewildered, the guy answers "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here."
The owner quietly replies : "Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!"

 

[Sugarcane]

A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!" The other guy looks at him and declares, "I did not!"

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

 

[Sugarcane]

In a Hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA , PP20 and a red one labelled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.


Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your pe**s is under your pillow."

MEN NEVER LISTEN

 

[benjamins]

A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.
The owner, a bit outraged, says "Sir, please refrain from smoking here, it is a public place.."
A bit bewildered, the guy answers "But it is only yesterday I bought those cigars here."
The owner quietly replies : "Irrelevant, sir, we also sell condoms here!"

Lool, that's a good one.

 

[benjamins]

Here's another one:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

[Mahmoud_EGY]

aboy asks his father can you write in the dark he says yes can you sign this test results

awife and husbend convesation on the phone
the wife where the hell are you it is late
husbend i am almost home
wife and where were you all this time
husbend do you know that jewelary store i bought you your ring ?
wife yes dear
husbend i am at the cafe near him


a rabbit in the forest walking and found an elephant dealing drugs he told him to stop that and come run with me then he found a donkey also high and told him the same thing and then alion before he speak he beats him and say
every time you get high you bring the whole forest running with you


a beatfull women and ugly one want a job and in the intrview the man says i dont care about beaty all icare about is who is good in his job
and asks the pretty one what is the country with million marty ?
she says algrie
then ask the ugly one name the million marty

 

[Mahmoud_EGY]

aman lost his son and looking for him he found someone smoking weed asked him did you see my son the man says come with me and took him to a big tower and get to the roof and tell the father can you count the people in the streat ? the man says 50
so from all this 50 people you choose to ask me ?

 

[Sugarcane]

Not too long ago, a large seminar was held for ministers and reverends in training. Among the facilitators were many well-known motivational speakers. One such speaker boldly approached the pulpit and gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, ' The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!'

The crowd was shocked. He followed up by saying, 'That woman was my mother!'

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, 'The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!'

His congregation sat shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out '...and I can't remember who she was!'

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

 

[Pukhtoon]

It Happened in a Hospital that ICU patients died in the same bed every sunday at 11 AM.

Doctors thought it is something Super Natural.

Worldwide Expert team was formed to Investigate the cause.

Next Sunday, few minutes before 11 AM, all doctors and Nurses stand around that Bed and Start Waiting to see what it was.

Then Suddenly Chotte (Part time Sunday sweeper) Entered the ICU, unplugged the Life Support system of that Bed and then plugged his Mobile Charger

 

[zavis2003]

Indian TV reported that indian newly launched satellite has sent the photos of whales and sharks from moon

BBC reported that indian satellite was found in ocean near ITALY.............. its just a joke ok

 

[Sugarcane]

A man boarded a plane with six kids.
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle
from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No Ma'am, I work for a condom company.
These are customer complaints"

 

[Sugarcane]

I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck, Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.

I returned to the dealer yesterday Because I couldn't get the radio to work.

The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light And nearly creamed my new truck , But I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, '*** Hole!' Immediately the radio responded with,
Ladies and gentlemen, The President of The United States

 

[Sugarcane]

Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there's a high rise building on fire.

Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.

Paddy yells to the people, "I'm Paddy Michael Fitzpatrick, an Irish Fire Fighter on holiday. I'm also a Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I'll catch you!"

One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.

Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him as well.

Then Obama jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn't even attempt to catch him.

Paddy looks up and yells, "Don't be throwin' down the burnt ones...!!!!"

 

[Arsalan]

MQM legislators rose on their seats in Sindh Assembly and chanted slogans against the growing incidents of extortion and kidnappings in the city this Friday

LLOOOOLLLLLLL

 

[Rusty]

I thought this was halarous