Joke

[jha]

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding - with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.

Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit."

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[fatman17]

----Sardar Talking To God........







O Wahe Guru....

U Gave Me Infancy,
Took it Away

U Gave Me Childhood,
Took It Away

U Gave Me Youth,
Took It Away

U Gave Me A Wife
Just Reminding You!!!!!

 

[fatman17]

Beauty of ENGLISH

Ever Noticed how Deleting 1 word After d other in a sentence can lead
2 a nice story?
Here's an Example
"Oh John plz don't touch me at all.!"
"Oh John plz don't touch me at.!"
"Oh John plz don't touch me.!"
"Oh John plz don't touch.!"
"Oh John plz don't..!"
"Oh John plz.!"
"Oh John.!"
"Ohh.!"...

 

[IND151]

a boy once asked his dad "what follows Diwali, papa?"

Dad said "diwala"

 

[fatman17]

THE PREACHER SAID:


'If I had all the beer in the world,
I'd take it and throw it into the river''

And the congregation cried, 'Amen!'

'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the
river'

And the congregation cried, 'Amen!'

'And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and
throw it in the river'

Again the congregation cried, 'Amen!'


Then the Preacher sat down.

The deacon next stood up and said:

'For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing:
'We shall drink from that River!'

THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED 'HALLELUYAAAAAA'.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[S.U.R.B.]

One retired doctor decides he is bored and wants to find something to do with his spare time. He always had a motorcycle and loves riding them, but never could work on them. He decided to go to school to learn to be a master motorcycle mechanic.
After a couple of years of hard studying and learning about bikes, the last day of school was a final exam. The final exam was a 2 part test. Part 1 was diagnostics of a badly running motorcycle engine. Part 2 everyone in the class had to compleatly tear down the bikes engine, repair it and put it back together running perfect.

After several hours of working, the teacher tells everyone to stop what they are doing. He then judges everyone's work.
He grades everyone. He tells everyone their scores. The grades are 2 part. 50 points for diagnosis. 50 points for installation. He gives 1 person an 80, another person a 75, another a 68. Finally he gets to the doc's bike, cranks it up, it runs perfect. He gives the doc a 150.

Confused, he asked the teacher why he gave him a 150. The teacher explains to him, 50 points for proper diagnosis, 50 points for repairing it properly. The doc asks what about the other 50 points.

The teacher then replies, "In all my life, I've never, ever, ever seen anyone completely tear down, repair and rebuild a motorcycle enging going through the exhaust pipes!".

============================​

A man who owns a pharmacy showed up at work one day around noon. He saw a man leaning against the wall outside with a grimace on his face.

The owner asked his assistant manager who the guy outside was. The assistant said, "He came in looking for cough medicine. I could not find any, so I gave him a bottle of laxative and told him to drink it all."

The manager said, "You can't cure a cough with laxative!"

The assistant replied, "Sure you can. Look at him, he's afraid to cough."

 

[qamar1990]

Now everybody tell me what you would do if you were tha muslim man?

sleep with her wudnt want to go to hell for killing somebody

 

[OrionHunter]

THE PARROT

A man boards an airliner and takes his seat. He is surprised to find a
large purple parrot in the seat next to him.
After the aircraft takes off, a pretty flight attendant walks down the
aisle past the man and his seat mate.
"Hey, *****, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make
it snappy!"
The FA looks annoyed, but walks on.

A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up
again: "Goddammit, you lazy *****, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up! "
Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly
with the parrot's drink.

Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some
quick service for himself. "Hey, slut, " says the man, "get me a dry
martini. And don't drag your sorry *** - I want it right now! "

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a
moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight
attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open
the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 28,000
feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot turns to the man and says:
"Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."

 

[fatman17]

Fw: Pintu & Maths...!!!!




Subject: Pintu & Maths...!!!!

Little Pintu was doing his maths homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, the son of a ***** is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a ***** is nine..."
His mother, Preeto, heard what he was saying and gasped, "Beta ji, what are you doing?"

Pintu answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mama ji."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" Preeto asked.
"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, Preeto asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching the students in maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

Preeto asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a ***** is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

 

[Sugarcane]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a remote corner of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf doesn't recognise Tiger, and greets him in typical Irish fashion.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, sir," says the attendant.

Tiger, who is familiar with Irish customs, responds with, "And the rest of the day to you, sir!"

Tiger then bends forward to pick up the nozzle of the gasoline hose. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what on the good earth are they fer?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.

"Feckin' hell," says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"