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Top 20 funny soccer quotes

20) “If you eat caviar every day it’s difficult to return to sausages.” - Arsene Wenger after the Arsenal fans booed a 1-1 draw with Middlesbrough – November 1998.

19) “What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.” - Answering to criticism from John Carew that Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s moves are pointless. (VG, April 2002).

18) “Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.” - Bobby Charlton replied when soccer players were referred to as slaves.

17) “We lost because we didn’t win” - Ronaldo on Brazil’s defeat to France in the 1998 World Cup final.

16) “We didn’t underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought.” - Bobby Robson after playing Cameroon at the 1990 World Cup.

15) “The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn’t move, kick it until it does.” - Phil Woosnam, Welsh football player and manager.

14) “Well Kerry, you’re 19 and you’re a lot older than a lot of people younger than yourself.” - Mike Gray.

13) “I’m as happy as I can be, but I’ve been happier.” - Ugo Ehiogu on his happiness.

12) “We must have had 99 percent of the game. It was the other three percent that cost us the match.” - Ruud Gullit explaining a defeat.

11) “The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath.” - Former England Captain Terry Butcher.

10) “It’s an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you’re more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.” – Gordon Strachan referring to Wayne Rooney.

9) “I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.” - Mark Viduka.

8) “There is no in between – you’re either good or bad. We were in between” – Gary Lineker.

7) “You don’t have to have been a horse to be a jockey.” - Arigo Sachi on being a manager.

6) “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.” - Metro Radio, Football.

5) “Some people believe football is a matter of life and death. I’m very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.” – Bill Shankly, Liverpool manager on football.

4) “If you’re in the penalty area and don’t know what to do with the ball, put it in the net and we’ll discuss the options later.” – Bob Paisley advising his players.

3) “You can’t say my team aren’t winners. They’ve proved that by finishing fourth, third and second in the last three years.” - Gerard Houllier on Liverpool.

2) “Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win.” - Gary Lineker after losing the 1990 World Cup semifinal to Germany on penalties.

1) “That’s great, tell him he’s Pele and get him back on.” - John Lambie, Patrick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
 
As a pre-med student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor. :rofl:

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!":rofl:

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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An old man wanted to renew his love to his wife he said: Lets repeat the old days.
I will go down to the near Grocery then we will meet there and i will start to flirt with you what do u think?
" Ok good idea " She says.
He went there and he waited for 1 hour and she didnt come , two hours and she still didnt come three hours and she didnt come.
He went to the house and saw her still at home and crying.
" What happened why u didnt come there?? " He asked.
She said " My father didnt allow me to go out."
 
3 drunk guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine &
turned it off again.

He told them,"We have reached".

The 1st
guy gave him money
&
the 2nd guy said,"thank you".

The 3rd guy
gave the driver a slap.

The driver was shocked,thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But he
asked,"whats that for?".

The 3rd guy replied: "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us!"
 
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