Joint family system?

[monitor]

i have been living 18 years in joint family system. i have never seen any thing like this

i thinh he is watching ZTV too much now a days

 

[T-Faz]

I am living in a joint family system.

We are four brothers out of which two including me are married. My parents are no more with us. Well we share kitchens, i.e. total monthly expenditure is divided among us (according to their ability). And finally major is being shared by me.

The main problem arises if there earning is different. Like one's salary is high as compared to another, one's family travels by air and one's by train, one family goes for outing by car, while other on bike / bus. One might take his family for dinner outside, one may not be able to afford that...

So the inferiority complex starts developing among them especially between children.

So if one needs a check and balance, then he has bear that financially.

The financial aspect can develop into a great problem in the future.

It happens in many families, when people start moving away, they all want their share but then it comes down to original share which causes problems.

This is why its better to be clear about financial matters from the first point onwards.

Money can be source of all your problems.

 

[S.M.R]

The financial aspect can develop into a great problem in the future.

It happens in many families, when people start moving away, they all want their share but then it comes down to original share which causes problems.

This is why its better to be clear about financial matters from the first point onwards.

Money can be source of all your problems.

Yes, that is becoming a great concern as the kids are growing up. Now I am planning to change the system, that we will keep living under one roof.. But will manage the entire financial matters independently. Till now just grocery, utility bills are being shared.

 

[pak-marine]

There is a space constraint when families expands thats when phada begins , however it still depends upon the size of land one holds !

 

[S.M.R]

There is a space constraint when families expands thats when phada begins , however it still depends upon the size of land one holds !

I have 5 bedroom house, (apart from drawing room and lounge). It is owned by me, and I have constructed with the objective of living together. 4 rooms for 4 of the brothers, and 1 for kids.

 

[pak-marine]

I have 5 bedroom house, (apart from drawing room and lounge). It is owned by me, and I have constructed with the objective of living together. 4 rooms for 4 of the brothers, and 1 for kids.

i meant long term off course

 

[JonAsad]

oh come on bro papu dabu has come already so the demand for that should be brought under control. the world is already crowded

Problem arises when the papu dabu are not yours-

 

[Raja.Pakistani]

Joint family system is getting decline in modern day but joint families have their advantages and disadvantages like anything else. We grow up and move away, sometimes by choice and sometimes not, and we don't even realize what we have missed by not staying close to family. We learn that we are loved by many people after living in joint family systems. My grand mother played a great role in developing my personality and i still remembered the stories i heard from her in childhood and i also had great fun with cousins, uncles and aunts. We discover a much broader world than the isolated one where we lack close extended family.

All families whether joint or nuclear survive only if there is mutual respect, a feeling of sacrifice for the family and control on egoistic tendencies of all individuals involved. yes you have more freedom and lot less need to make compromises when you don't live in joint family system but joint family system give immense and immeasurable financial, emotional and physical support to all generations involved.

 

[Last Hope]

Joint family.

Its fun as long as you arent married.
Once you are, the women come in, have some WWE and wars.
You have to then chose between your bro/family or your wife and kids.

I had been in wars at my home. Both parties brought their guns that time. Reason? I was playing game on the sole computer in the house (years ago ) and the younger cousin wanted to play too. I pushed him away, and he started to cry. First some punches, then a cricket bat, then avoided a knife. Next, my team partners (uncles) went to the kitchen and threw glassware at my other uncle It was great fun. They went and brought the 9mms

And oh, dont say Pakistanis fight now, this is exceptional case as the person I was fighting i Retd. Taliban personnel

 

[somebozo]

Joint family.

Its fun as long as you arent married.
Once you are, the women come in, have some WWE and wars.
You have to then chose between your bro/family or your wife and kids.

I had been in wars at my home. Both parties brought their guns that time. Reason? I was playing game on the sole computer in the house (years ago ) and the younger cousin wanted to play too. I pushed him away, and he started to cry. First some punches, then a cricket bat, then avoided a knife. Next, my team partners (uncles) went to the kitchen and threw glassware at my other uncle It was great fun. They went and brought the 9mms

And oh, dont say Pakistanis fight now, this is exceptional case as the person I was fighting i Retd. Taliban personnel

Though i dont live in joint family, but it was summer vacation and all the family members from different corners of the world converged at the only home in Karachi. And there were just kids kids and more kids everywhere. Everything looked like a war effort from laundry to meals. Me and cousin both were aged 13-14 that time and were playing a board game of war. Things went hot and argumentive then a straight fight and then we went to my uncle bedroom and pulled out a 9mm and fired it blindly. The bullet went in my leg and he dropped the gun in fear, which i did not hesitate to pick up and shoot him in the arm. Even today, I feel the hollow spot in my leg..haha..crazy times..we have gotten over it..but my mom and khala still fight sometimes over it.

 

[S.M.R]

Though i dont live in joint family, but it was summer vacation and all the family members from different corners of the world converged at the only home in Karachi. And there were just kids kids and more kids everywhere. Everything looked like a war effort from laundry to meals. Me and cousin both were aged 13-14 that time and were playing a board game of war. Things went hot and argumentive then a straight fight and then we went to my uncle bedroom and pulled out a 9mm and fired it blindly. The bullet went in my leg and he dropped the gun in fear, which i did not hesitate to pick up and shoot him in the arm. Even today, I feel the hollow spot in my leg..haha..crazy times..we have gotten over it..but my mom and khala still fight sometimes over it.

Lolz... But what you are talking about is the family gathering, which usually is enjoyed by everybody, as everyone knows that they are here for few days on vacations. But real mess starts when people start living with each other..

Someone has said i don't know who.. that ' if you want to check someone then you should travel or live with him' to know exactly about that person's khaslat.

 

[somebozo]

Arab news
Jealous in-laws wreck many a marriage

By DAREEN GALAL | ARAB NEWS

Published: Aug 3, 2011 23:48 Updated: Aug 3, 2011 23:48

JEDDAH: Jealousy consumes all types of people, perhaps most dangerously mothers and mothers-in-law.

Most married couples suffer from the jealousy of their mothers-in-law. This could lead to breakdown of marriages, no matter how compatible the couples are.

There are many stories of mothers causing divorces between couples because of jealousy, even if it was unintentional. Some of these stories are serious and others are funny.

Riham, a Saudi mother of three daughters, said, “I was dreaming of a happily married life as all girls do. I wanted my home to be my own kingdom. Suddenly I was shocked by the fact I married both my husband and his mother. She asked my husband to share the room with her during our honeymoon. All my husband’s efforts to convince his mother to change her mind failed. She had a strong influence on him. I couldn't bear it and I was forced to cancel my honeymoon and go home to my parents’ house on the third day of my wedding.”

Rules applied to the other sons and daughters in the household were imposed on her when she returned to her husband. All her sons were to have lunch with the mother-in-law without their wives accompanying them. She added, “She watches every step we take, and we could not leave the house without her company. I started to lose my patience, but I don't want to lose my kind husband. After all, she is his mother and he doesn’t want to upset her.”

In Manal's case it is a slightly different scenario because her husband is the only son in the family. She said, “He convinced me to stay in his parents’ house. I listened to him, moved in and lived with his mother who started interfering in every single thing in our life. She even spies on us. I was totally upset. Whenever I complained about the situation to my mother, she advised me just to be patient. But I couldn't stand it. I asked for a divorce after two months of my marriage.”

On the other hand, Khaled, a Saudi who recently married, said that he is getting along with his wife and living happily with her. The only problem facing him is related to both his mother and his mother-in-law as they all live together in the same big house. “Both of them are always crossing swords and cannot live peacefully. They find ways to wind each other up, which sometimes becomes rude. Although I rented an apartment for me and my wife we couldn't leave them alone and we got used to this situation of living together. At last, I requested my employer to transfer me to another city, and that was the best decision I took to end my family’s suffering,” Khaled added.

Waleed, a 35-year-old Saudi who recently got married, is the youngest in the house. “I love my mother so much because she loved me the most when I was young. My decision to marry shocked her because she never imagined one day I would leave her and go away with another woman. At the beginning I wasn't aware of the seriousness of the issue, but after I got married she started to blame me for leaving her. She said I didn't love her like before and only cared for and loved my wife. She became very jealous of her. I don't know how to deal with this critical situation,” he said.

Psychiatrist Nadia Al-Tamimi said that jealousy is sometimes due to the position of the son in the family.

“The jealousy of mothers-in-law is linked to the sons’ position in the family, particularly if they are the eldest or the youngest because they have a strong emotional connection with their mothers. This close emotional connection will create problems with wives later on,” said Al-Tamimi.

“The marriage of a son can make mothers feel like a carpet has been removed from under their feet. She cannot accept the idea of him leaving the house to live with another woman. My advice in this case for wives is to be friendly with their mothers-in-law and develop a kind of friendship to eliminate jealousy gradually. Treat her like your own mother and give her all needed respect,” she added.

© 2010 Arab News

 

[VelocuR]

^Thank god information, I am going to send this to my mother and in-laws.