My mother's Parkinson's and neurological disorder has really accelerated at record speed in the last 2 years especially in the last 6 months.
She used to be a strong solid active independent woman all her life and now her world has completely turned upside down and now she is completely dependent on her kids, relatives and friends. Her day to day functioning, speech has been badly affected and it scares the daylights out of us imagining her having to climb stairs. We have miraculously got her to agree to a part time helper who comes 3 days a week for 2 hours but she clearly needs a lot lot more.
In the last 6 months I have seen her breakdown a good 30 times because of her condition and the fact she knows she isn't what she used to be. We have all tried our best to help her and make her comfortable as much as possible but there are times when even my dad gets very distressed by her emotional blackmailing.
My dad was looking forward to working for the next 5 years at his high profile job given that he has always been a workaholic all his life but he is now contemplating quitting and retiring much earlier than he anticipated and my biggest fear is that taking care of my mom full time is going to take a toll on him and I have observed many people go downhill rapidly after retirement.
So far my baby sister was keeping an eye on mom while me and dad went to work. But this week my baby sister got married and has moved to the next phase of her life. My biggest fear is that this is going to have a huge toll on my mom and my baby sister and mom were extremely close and her no longer being around is going to have an adverse impact.
I myself am not reassessing my professional direction and I now want to quit accounting and perhaps now try hard to get into a govt job so that I can have much friendly work hours and can be home at frequent time periods and be free on the weekends as well.
I am now 35 years old and the only unmarried child left now and am next in line. My moms condition has been clearly visible to all my extended relatives, grand mother, aunts. They have all told me along with my dad that if my age alone wasn't enough of a problem, my mother's condition is now going to be a big problem and now definitely no parent will give their daughter out of fear that their daughter is going to be burdened with taking care of her.
There is a family who are our extended relatives and they have constantly been lobbying with my grandmother, extended relatives behind the scenes for the last 6 years to get my parents to make a proposal for their daughter for me.
I never personally had any problem with the girl or her family. In fact the biggest plus point is that the girls parents are extremely wonderful shareef people who according to my parents, elders will actually love, respect me like a son and overlook my poor social skills, Aspergers Syndrome and are prepared to accept our union knowing my moms condition. My only issue with the girl is that she in the six years I have observed her in all family functions, never talks to anyone, stays aloof in a corner, I have never seen her smile, life and you dont get any impression or semblance of any personality
My aunt broke down today while lobbying and trying to convince me to accept the girl and the family and be considered to my parents especially my mom and her condition.
A few years ago I would have been like, hell with it, il wait patiently till the right person comes along irrespective of how old I get, but now the situation is completely different and I now would like to give my parents especially my mom comfort and peace of mind by settling down before her condition really deteriorates.
Have tried very hard to think about this and can still not come to a decision. The pros are definitely the girls parents, their shareef, loving nature, the cons are I have known the girl for six years and I am struggling to force myself to feel for her or look at her that way, will I be making the right decision in agreeing to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her because of her parents or is there a risk that I may be unhappy, bored, depressed being in a relationship devoid of love, chemistry, passion and what is a compromise, will it last? What if going forward when I am married with kids, I run into someone I really like and makes me feel alive again?
The feedback I have from my friends and others is mixed, equal mix of people saying "dude just get married for the sake of it, do it for the larger picture and do your best to make the most of it, make sacrifices, compromises". The other mix is saying "You will be making the biggest screw up of your life, the girls life and even family relationships by agreeing to this. One day your parents will not be here and you will have to live with this decision for the rest of your life"
I have to make a decision on this in the next 1-2 weeks as the family pressure is really getting brutal and I don't think I can deal with my moms emotional blackmailing anymore. Would love to hear people share their opinions, experiences and anecdotes.
She used to be a strong solid active independent woman all her life and now her world has completely turned upside down and now she is completely dependent on her kids, relatives and friends. Her day to day functioning, speech has been badly affected and it scares the daylights out of us imagining her having to climb stairs. We have miraculously got her to agree to a part time helper who comes 3 days a week for 2 hours but she clearly needs a lot lot more.
In the last 6 months I have seen her breakdown a good 30 times because of her condition and the fact she knows she isn't what she used to be. We have all tried our best to help her and make her comfortable as much as possible but there are times when even my dad gets very distressed by her emotional blackmailing.
My dad was looking forward to working for the next 5 years at his high profile job given that he has always been a workaholic all his life but he is now contemplating quitting and retiring much earlier than he anticipated and my biggest fear is that taking care of my mom full time is going to take a toll on him and I have observed many people go downhill rapidly after retirement.
So far my baby sister was keeping an eye on mom while me and dad went to work. But this week my baby sister got married and has moved to the next phase of her life. My biggest fear is that this is going to have a huge toll on my mom and my baby sister and mom were extremely close and her no longer being around is going to have an adverse impact.
I myself am not reassessing my professional direction and I now want to quit accounting and perhaps now try hard to get into a govt job so that I can have much friendly work hours and can be home at frequent time periods and be free on the weekends as well.
I am now 35 years old and the only unmarried child left now and am next in line. My moms condition has been clearly visible to all my extended relatives, grand mother, aunts. They have all told me along with my dad that if my age alone wasn't enough of a problem, my mother's condition is now going to be a big problem and now definitely no parent will give their daughter out of fear that their daughter is going to be burdened with taking care of her.
There is a family who are our extended relatives and they have constantly been lobbying with my grandmother, extended relatives behind the scenes for the last 6 years to get my parents to make a proposal for their daughter for me.
I never personally had any problem with the girl or her family. In fact the biggest plus point is that the girls parents are extremely wonderful shareef people who according to my parents, elders will actually love, respect me like a son and overlook my poor social skills, Aspergers Syndrome and are prepared to accept our union knowing my moms condition. My only issue with the girl is that she in the six years I have observed her in all family functions, never talks to anyone, stays aloof in a corner, I have never seen her smile, life and you dont get any impression or semblance of any personality
My aunt broke down today while lobbying and trying to convince me to accept the girl and the family and be considered to my parents especially my mom and her condition.
A few years ago I would have been like, hell with it, il wait patiently till the right person comes along irrespective of how old I get, but now the situation is completely different and I now would like to give my parents especially my mom comfort and peace of mind by settling down before her condition really deteriorates.
Have tried very hard to think about this and can still not come to a decision. The pros are definitely the girls parents, their shareef, loving nature, the cons are I have known the girl for six years and I am struggling to force myself to feel for her or look at her that way, will I be making the right decision in agreeing to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her because of her parents or is there a risk that I may be unhappy, bored, depressed being in a relationship devoid of love, chemistry, passion and what is a compromise, will it last? What if going forward when I am married with kids, I run into someone I really like and makes me feel alive again?
The feedback I have from my friends and others is mixed, equal mix of people saying "dude just get married for the sake of it, do it for the larger picture and do your best to make the most of it, make sacrifices, compromises". The other mix is saying "You will be making the biggest screw up of your life, the girls life and even family relationships by agreeing to this. One day your parents will not be here and you will have to live with this decision for the rest of your life"
I have to make a decision on this in the next 1-2 weeks as the family pressure is really getting brutal and I don't think I can deal with my moms emotional blackmailing anymore. Would love to hear people share their opinions, experiences and anecdotes.
