Foreign Espionage Network in Pakistan

[Mech]

Well, for what its worth, i can tell you the writers are all very imaginative. Would that be any consolation?

 

[Pak_Sher]

RAW CIA KHAD MOSSAD MI6 ( did i miss any)

If you did, please add it because we are going to go after each and every one of them, you included, if you are also part of them. No matter how long the foreign forces stay in Afghanistan, they will still considered invaders and only Pakistan and Afghanistan are local.

 

[humanfirst]

No matter how long the foreign forces stay in Afghanistan, they will still considered invaders and only Pakistan and Afghanistan are local.

Pakistan is supporting the foreign forces in afghanistan.Does that make them invaders too..?

 

[Leader]

I tend to see that Indians take terrorist activities inside pakistan sponsored by external factors including India as a matter of some pride... Im sure they are sensible enough not to refuse Indian involvement

 

[BATMAN]

Our imagination is a big one

Pakistan News Service - PakTribune

read in above link and you'll find your answers.

Quote from the research paper.

The Pakistani Ambassador in the UAE issued visa to Indian operatives of RAW without clearance from Islamabad again with the blessing of the President.

 

[Major Sahab]

Pakistan is supporting the foreign forces in afghanistan.Does that make them invaders too..?

Ohhhhhhh, no. its okay my dear friend. don`t worry i am with you all over.

 

[DV RULES]

After Balochistan, India trying to fuel unrest in GB


April 15, 2011

LAHORE – With the Indian attention getting focused on frozen heights constituting its borders with China and the military posture gaining potency in that direction, the idyllic Gilgit-Baltistan (GB) Area of Pakistan is finding itself exposed to an unprecedented influx of extraneous intrigue, highly-placed sources disclosed to The Nation here on Thursday.
Following the pattern of external interference in Balochistan to challenge writ of the State, efforts are now underway to fan up sub-nationalism in the GB area to create instability. Such efforts have shown an upward trend following the convincing defeat of sub-nationalists in the recently conducted elections.
According to sources, intercepted messages have revealed that the Balawaristan National Front (BNF) is planning to start anti-government rallies targeting the Pak-China trade and is working to enhance the US influence in the strategic region, which provides a conduit for two way movement of logistics between Gawadar Port and Chinese hinterland. The BNF officials are propagating that the movement for an independent GB has the US support and once the activities gear up the US would support such a move.
The message instructed that expatriates in the US to redouble their efforts to project their movement; appreciating the role played by one Imtiaz , who spoke at a seminar arranged by BNF activists at one of the leading US universities. Imtiaz also appeared at a local TV programme in March 2011 in which he vowed to secure an independent GB.
According to analysts, the rising Indian military profile which in not too distant a future is eyeing a military capability comparable to that of China has begun to realise the importance of GB in the background of border dispute with its northern neighbour. The existence of Karakoram Highway (KKH) and its importance to ease logistic problems for conduct of operation in such difficult terrain emerges as a factor vital to Indian interests.

Another US-IND joint anti-Pakistan activities after Balochistan, may be Pakistan should answer properly to both or this could be another US support to India for new PAK-IND clash?
US no doubt is threat for global peace & Pakistan's national security.
For what America want to save Americans from possible terror! with his fake presence under flag of WOT & create unrest only for his major targets.
Now it is clear that US interested to put China under direct control form all borders from where he can.

 

[Raza88]

CIA will not halt operations in Pakistan: Official

The Central Intelligence Agency has no plans to suspend “operations” in Pakistan against terror suspects despite objections from leaders in Islamabad, a US official said Thursday.
Pakistan has criticised missile strikes by US drone aircraft against militants in the country but CIA Director Leon Panetta has told intelligence officials that he has a duty to prevent attacks on the United States, the senior official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, told AFP.
“Panetta has been clear with his Pakistani counterparts that his fundamental responsibility is to protect the American people, and he will not halt operations that support that objective,” the official said.
The CIA chief on Monday held several hours of talks at the agency’s headquarters outside Washington with Lieutenant General Ahmad Shuja Pasha, the head of Pakistan’s Inter-Services Intelligence agency.
US media had reported that Pasha and other officials told the United States to rein in drone strikes and slash the number of CIA agents and special forces operating in the nuclear-armed Muslim country.
Apparently reflecting the CIA chief’s stance, American drones resumed missile attacks in Pakistan on Wednesday for the first time in a month, targeting fighters from the al Qaeda-linked Haqqani network near the Afghan border.
The unmanned aircraft fired four missiles at a vehicle in the South Waziristan district, striking a route used by Taliban and al Qaeda-allied militants who cross into Afghanistan to attack Nato-led troops, Pakistani officials said.
It was the first missile strike since March 17, when Pakistan’s civilian and military leaders strongly protested over a US drone attack that killed 39 people, including civilians and police, in North Waziristan.
Pakistan’s foreign ministry and Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gilani both sharply criticised the latest bombing raid.
But analysts and former US intelligence officers say there is little chance the CIA would abandon the drone bombing campaign despite a series of diplomatic rows, and even if Pakistani leaders, for domestic political purposes, publicly criticised the strikes.

CIA will not halt operations in Pakistan: Official – The Express Tribune

 

[DV RULES]

Indian footprints emerging


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Shakeel Anjum
ISLAMABAD: The footprints of circumstantial evidence regarding the terrorist attack on the Mehran base clearly show the involvement of Indian intelligence agency, Research and Analysis Wing (RAW). Senior intelligence sources told The News that this was a joint venture, accomplished by RAW certainly with the consent of CIA and a group of al-Qaeda who are being used by the anti-Pakistan lobby.
“Even at this very initial stage, the agencies engaged in the investigation of the attack have got hold of some concrete indications to prove the involvement of foreign hand in the debacle,” one source said. He said that it could easily be calculated who was the prime beneficiary of the shattering strike.
“The militants attacked the base and mainly targeted the P-3C Orion aircraft as they had instructions to destroy them,” he said, adding that it was on record that India had opposed the US provision of these aircraft to Pakistan.
Another source said that the only major beneficiary of the annihilation of these planes was India as Pakistan has been deprived of one of its major assets. “It cannot be ascertained yet at this early stage whether Indian commandos were included in the attack squad or the terrorists were Chechens or Afghan activists of al-Qaeda,” the source said. “However, intelligence agencies have enough information that a group of al-Qaeda and Taliban got training in a base camp of RAW in Afghanistan from the Indian forces.”
The source said that the agencies had informed the government about the joint activities of al-Qaeda and Indian forces in the base camp. It will be established soon that the plan of the attack was prepared in the RAW base camp in Afghanistan, he said.
Dr Usman, one of the GHQ attackers, who was arrested during the counter operation, had disclosed during the investigation about his links with the Indian camp, the source said.
On October 10, 2009, terrorists had attacked the Pakistan Army’s General Headquarters in Rawalpindi in a similar fashion, taking 42 people hostage, including several military officers. By the end of the day-long ordeal, nine gunmen, 11 soldiers and three hostages were dead. The attackers had their own communication system with separate frequency through which they were interlinked with each other, the source said.
Why the attack group fought a pitched battle for 16 hours against the commandos and Rangers, the source said there were standing instructions for the personnel engaged in the operation to arrest at least one of the attackers alive. However, as the Pakistani forces trapped the attackers, they blew themselves up or shot themselves.” “They attackers were four in number, not six,” the source said and added that it was a wrong perception that two militants managed to escape from the airbase compound. He said that the compound was securely cordoned off.


Indian footprints emerging

Some people still believe that India doesn't possess threat for Pakistan but fake AL-Q & Talibanism.

 

[Nothing]

Some people still believe that India doesn't possess threat for Pakistan but fake AL-Q & Talibanism.

At least we Indians and some majority sane Pakistanis

 

[SMC]

^ You mean majority of the deluded Pakistanis?

See how easy it is. Not that I meant it verbatim, I am sure they have their reasons and I respect that.

 

[DV RULES]

American citizen on 14 day judicial remand, faces deportation


June 11, 2011

ISLAMABAD: The US national arrested from Islamabad on Friday was sent to jail on judicial remand of 14 days while he was likely to be deported to his home country in a few days.

Mathew Craig Barrett, 27, who was allegedly spying on nuclear facilities in and around Islamabad, had been arrested from Islamabad’s sector E-11 by the capital territory police on Friday on the directions of Ministry of Interior.

Interior Ministry had written a letter to the Additional Inspector General (Special Branch) Islamabad to trace the whereabouts of Barrett in Federal Capital after he had escaped from Fateh Jang last month following a scuffle with the security agencies official there.

Barrett had then been ‘blacklisted’ by the Ministry of Interior, which then proceeded to cancel his visa last month, sources told The Express Tribune.

He was produced before the court on Saturday which sent him to jail. Police said arrangements were being made to deport him to United States at the earliest. Till the completion of his remand or arrangements for his deportation, Barrett will remain in Adiyala jail in Rawalpindi.

Sources within the police said that Interior Ministry had sent a letter to the Additional Inspector General (Special Branch) Islamabad to trace the whereabouts of Barrett in federal capital after he had escaped from Fateh Jang last month following a scuffle with the security officials there.

‘He had scuffled with security officials on the most outer cordon of the nuclear facilities after he was captured from the surrounding the area” a police official who wished to remain anonymous. “Later, a case was also registered against him at the Fateh Jhang police, however, he had dodged arrest” said the official.

After the AIG informed that he was living with his family in sector E-11, the ministry further directed the police to arrest Barrett whose Multiple Business Entry Visa, which was otherwise valid till 2 November 2011, had been cancelled on 20 May 2011 as he had been blacklisted for his suspicious activities.

The ministry directed the Islamabad police to deport Barrett before June 4, 2011. However, the police failed to arrest him before this date.

His visa (VF 885592) was cancelled after his passport bearing number 472409890 had been confiscated by the relevant authorities for processing his deportation through immigration cell of Federal Investigation Agency (FIA), police said.

Security agencies had been on the trail of Barrett for a long time following his visits to sensitive installations including nuclear facilities at Jhang Bahtar near Fateh Jang and other suspicious activities.

He had married a Pakistani from Islamabad, Benosha Khan Barrett three and half years ago. The couple had two children Michael Junaid Barrett and Maria Rose Barrett. Earlier, the couple had been living with the girl’s parent in sector G-8/1. Later, the Barrett family re-located to sector E-11.

Security agencies went on to disclose that both, Barrett and his wife, had not identified a source of income, yet they had been living in a relatively posh area. ‘He had refused to disclose his business to the officials of security branch after his arrest’ said an official of the police.

Born on 4 June 1984, Barrett was a resident of the State of Alabama in US, and told officials of the special branch that he had no close relatives alive in his home country. He insisted that he was ‘enjoying his married life peacefully in Pakistan without ever indulging in any unlawful activity’ said security officials.

As Barrett was arrested, said that he had done nothing wrong and was being made a victim of frustration among Pakistani security forces following strained ties between Pakistan and America.

Police said neither his family or his in-laws resist his arrest, however, his father-in-law, who was a lawyer, later went to Ministry of Interior and caused an uproar over Barrett’s arrest. He maintained that his son-in-law’s arrest was unlawful as his valid visa could not be cancelled.

Since his name had been blacklisted, Barrett would never be able to return to Pakistan on any visa once deported.


American citizen on 14 day judicial remand, faces deportation – The Express Tribune

 

[Rajaraja Chola]

Foreign Espionage Network in Pakistan

30. Jan, 2011



On January 27, an American employee of the US Consulate in Lahore, identified as David Raymond, shot dead two Pakistani youths, while a third was crushed by the driver of a Parado jeep, who was called by him for help, at Chowk Qartaba. Persons, sitting in the jeep were also carrying weapons. Police arrested David near Old Anarkali, Food Street after a chase and registered a case against him on two counts, while a case was also registered against unidentified people.

On one side, the United States has called for the immediate release of the American citizen working with US consulate in Lahore, claiming that Pakistani authorities have detained the diplomat unlawfully and in violation of international law. On the other side, investigators and experts are of the opinion that the under-investigation American involved in the murder of civilians in Lahore was in Pakistan on a visit visa and not on a diplomatic assignment—does not qualify for immunity from prosecution.

Sources suggest that David Raymond including his companions were agents of the American CIA and were on an anti-Pakistan mission. In fact, he is part of the illegal activities of the Blackwater whose employees of entered Pakistan in the guise of diplomats.

However, with the help of Indian secret agency RAW and Israeli Mossad, Blackwater has rapidly established its network in Pakistan. It has recruited Pakistani nationals who are vulnerable and can work on payroll giving them high financial incentives to work for them. Further, some reports suggest that this notorious firm has been recruiting smugglers, employees of the security companies, experts of the psychological warfare, scholars and journalists in order to fulfill anti-Pakistan designs of America including that of India and Israel.

It is of particular attention that a few days ago, Pakistani security officials foiled an attempt by the Indian intelligence to enact a fake encounter for implicating Pakistan in incidents of cross border terrorism. The plan was unearthed when a suspect, working for the Indian RAW was apprehended at Sialkot border area, while attempting to cross over to India through the border security fence; an impregnable barbed wire obstacle. Entrance points on the fence are locked and controlled by the Indian Border Security Force (BSF). The suspect has confessed to work as an Indian spy who was tasked to recruit agents from Pakistan to work for Indian intelligence.

Well-informed sources indicate that the suspect whose name has been withheld for security reasons disclosed that his Indian handlers, Mr. Sharma and Mr. Amjad, had asked him to recruit a Pakistani national by offering a large monetary reward, preferably carrying a weapon and send him across the border through the border barbed wire fence after liaison with the BSF troops. Mr. Sharma had assured him that all the details of border crossing would be finalized by him and duly taken care off at his end. The suspect also disclosed that the Indian Intelligence had planned a fake encounter to kill the border crosser and exploit the episode as proof of subversive elements launched by Pakistan’s spy agency, ISI crossing over from Pakistan to commit acts of terrorism in India. He also pointed out that he had held a few meetings with his Indian handlers in Islamabad as well.

Nevertheless, both the above mentioned events prove the involvement of Americans and Indians—under cover intelligence officers stationed in their Islamabad embassies and consulates, and are continuously engaged in espionage activities in grave violation of their diplomatic status.

It is mentionable that in the last three years, Pakistan’s security forces and intelligence agencies have caught a number of foreign spies along with sophisticated weapons, working against the integration of the country. In this respect, a number of times, arms and guns were also captured from Americans traveling in vehicles in various cities of Pakistan, camouflaged with dark mirrors.

Although Pakistan’s security forces have successfully coped with the Taliban militants in the Malakand Division and South Waziristan, yet situation has deteriorated in the country where subversive events like suicide attacks, targeted killings, attacks on buildings, oil pipelines, sectarian violence etc. have intensified due to the presence of external spies.

Notably, Pakistan’s civil and military high officials have openly been revealing that RAW, Mossad and other foreign agencies are involved in supporting separatism in Balochistan and acts of terrorism in other cities of Pakistan.

In this respect, on April 23, 2009 in the in-camera sitting of the Senate, Federal Minister to the Interior, Rehman Malik had displayed documentary evidence of Indian use of Afghanistan to create unrest in Balochistan. It is believed that the main aim of in-camera session was also to show the engagement of American CIA and other external agencies as part of a conspiracy against Pakistan because at that stage, Islamabad did not want to publicly point out America.

In this regard, Pakistan’s Foreign Office spokesman Abdul Basit without naming CIA had revealed, “The evidence of foreign powers’ involvement in the destabilisation of Pakistan will be shared with relevant countries.”

While in the recent past, Governor of Khyber Pakhtoonkhwa, Awais Ghani had disclosed that some world powers were trying to divide Pakistan, adding that if he were not a governor, he would have exposed them.

During the Malakand and Waziristan military operations, ISPR spokesman, Maj-Gen. Athar Abbas has repeatedly indicated foreign hands in helping the insurgents in order to destabilize Pakistan.

It is notable that Pakistan is the only nuclear country in the Islamic World; hence the US, India, Israel and some western powers are determined to weaken it. Notably, despite American cooperation with Islamabad, its main aim along with India and Israel remains to de-nuclearise our country whose geo-strategic location with the Gwadar port entailing close ties with China irks the eyes of these countries, hence, they are in collusion to destabilise Pakistan. For this purpose, a well-established network of Indian army, RAW, Mossad and CIA which was set up in Afghanistan against Pakistan in order to support insurgency in the Khyber Pakhtookhwa and separatism in Balochistan have been extended. Now, it has been expanded in whole of Pakistan as recent suicide attacks, bomb blasts and targeted killings in Karachi and Lahore have so proved it.

CIA, RAW and Mossad are collectively working inside Pakistan. In this context, these secret agencies have been spending huge money to train and equip the militants who have been entering Pakistan on daily basis and have been conducting suicide attacks in our country, and assaults on our security forces including targeted killings—inciting sectarian violence.

Besides, these foreign agencies have purchased the services of some Indian Muslims and Pakistanis. Those who did not come up to their terms have been neutralized or murdered. In this regard, in the past few years, some politicians, intellectuals, journalists and religious leaders have been killed by the agents of these external agencies, while some are on their hit-list. Their purpose is to create perennial unrest in Pakistan, while main aim remains to disintegrate the country.

Nonetheless, the incident in Lahore, arrest of an American, David Raymond, and the suspect from Sialkot border—working for Indian spy agency, without any doubt confirms the presence of a well-organized foreign espionage network, based in Pakistan and the same is run by CIA, RAW and Mossad including their undercover agents. While conducting acts of terrorism to weaken Pakistan remains their top priority.


Foreign Espionage Network in Pakistan | Opinion Maker





Zero tolerance for US spies, Punjab tells Centre


February 04, 2011

LAHORE – Against the backdrop of the Raymond Davis shooting incident that took place in the heart of Punjab and shook every nook and cranny of the country, the provincial government has told the Centre in unequivocal terms that the presence of ‘an active US spying network’ is unacceptable to the province.
Sources said the Punjab government has told the Federation that unrestricted movement of US ‘special contractors’ attached to the American consulate in Lahore could not be allowed at any cost.
“Yes, we have conveyed to the federal government that foreign nationals must follow the set code particularly after the Raymond Davis incident as the public sentiment runs high here,” Punjab Law Minister Rana Sana Ullah confirmed to The Nation on Thursday.
However, he clarified that the Punjab government has not asked the Centre to extradite US nationals, including Raymond Davis. “We are reviewing the situation at our level,” Rana said while referring to the presence of US agents openly operating in the province. “We have told the federal government that the US nationals must inform the local administration prior to their movement,” the law minister said, adding the step would help ensure their safety and security as the anti-US sentiment is growing.
To a question, Sana said that US officials were still reluctant in handing over the men and the consulate’s vehicle wanted to the police in the shooting case.
“We have also forwarded a reminder to the Foreign Office in this regard. We are waiting for the federal government’s reply,” Rana maintained.
Rana also admitted that the US nationals are residing in rented bungalows in posh areas, including Cantonment and Defence.
“This is an open secret now. We are evaluating the situation very seriously,” he added.


Zero tolerance for US spies, Punjab tells Centre | Pakistan | News | Newspaper | Daily | English | Online

WOW!!!
Another conspiracy theory!!
Amazing that pakistanis are able to cook (story)such many!!!!
Hope the best consiracy theory(stories ofcourse) will be taken as a hollywood film !!:

 

[Asian.Century]

SHOCKING READ...................

So Pakistan is a compromised state?

 

[MiloMayor]

If you believe the story in the mentioned blogs, You should believe this also.

Freedom from darkness
by Nadeem F. Paracha on June 3rd, 2011

Dear Pakistani Muslim brethren (and sisterren who became breteren), our armed forces have been fighting a war on two fronts. One is against corrupt civilian politicians, who want us to submit our sovereignty to Christian/Jew/McDonalds America and Hindu India, and one against uncircumcised Hindu/Christian/Atheist /Jain men posing to be Muslim warriors.

In this day and age of utter chaos and confusion in our Islamic republic, it is the duty of patriotic Pakistanis to continue informing their young compatriots as to why this country was formed.

There is so much these days out there in the electronic media and the cyber world about Pakistan, but unfortunately a lot of it is squarely aimed at confusing our young generations and making them rebel against their land’s ideology.

Dear compatriots, I must remind you that Pakistan came into being, first and foremost, to challenge the hegemony of the West, especially the United States.

To quote our great leader, Muhammad Ali Jinnah: ‘You are free to go to your mosques or some else’s mosques but only to a mosque in this Islamic republic. Religion is the business of the state and the business is gooood!’

It was such thoughts that made our great leader so unpopular with the Americans and Hindu India. Though many history books tell us that Jinnah had TB and died from this dreaded disease, the truth is far more tragic. He was murdered.

He was given slow poison by Lee Harvey Oswald who was sent by the CIA and was masquerading as a British doctor. He is the same guy who was later accused of shooting American President John F. Kennedy.

CIA agents in the then Pakistani government hid this fact from the people and forced Prime Minister Liaquat Ali Khan to join the US camp.

I have been privy to certain documents that include some pages from Liaquat Ali Khan’s diary. This is what he wrote after Jinnah’s death: ‘Today the beloved Islamic republic has lost a great modern day caliph due to the conspiracies of the Christian west. And now some of their agents in the Pakistani bureaucracy are asking me to make fraaaandship with the US. But I am not going to make fraaaandship with America. I will expose the agents. I will save the Islamic republic. But first I will go to mosque.’

We all know what happened to Liaquat Ali Khan Sahib. He was murdered at a rally in Rawalpindi. So now you know why he was killed. CIA agents in Pakistan claimed that he was killed by a demented Pushtun who in turn was killed on the spot by the police.

This is true, but what is not known is the fact that Liaquat’s killer was not a Pushtun but a Caucasian American posing as a disgruntled Pushtun.

Only the Pakistan army and some religious parties knew such truths, but they were throttled by the CIA agents in the bureaucracy and parliament, until Field Marshal Ayub Khan toppled the government and imposed Martial Law in 1958.

Dear readers, I am sure you have been told how it was Ayub Khan who took Pakistan further into the US camp. This is unfortunate because it is a blatant lie.

The truth is it was his foreign minister, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, who was the real architect of US-Pakistan relations.

He worked on Ayub’s back, keeping Ayub in the dark, sometimes quite literally, saying Pakistan was facing electricity crises for which it needed American aid.

I have with me pages from Ayub’s book, ‘Friends, Not Masters,’ that were not allowed to go into final print by Bhutto. I shall reproduce a paragraph from one such censored page.

‘For hours my office did not have any light. I called a minister and told him I am sitting in an office in the dark, I mean I am the president! The minister told me that my foreign minister, Z A. Bhutto, was on a state visit to the US for this very reason. I was floored. No one told me Bhutto had gone to Christen America. So when he came back I called him in my still darkened room and asked for an explanation. He stumbled and fell over a chair and said that had we been America’s friend, this room would have had light. I was furious. I told him how can we make fraaanship with Christian America! I told him we should make fraaaandship only with other Islamic countries. Like China.’

Throughout Ayub’s benevolent rule, he was kept in the dark by Bhutto, who then betrayed Ayub at the peak of the 1965 war against Hindu India. It was Ayub who wanted to keep the war going and liberate Kashmir. In fact according to insiders, Ayub also wanted to liberate West Bengal by invading Calcutta from East Pakistan. But Bhutto played a double game and convinced Ayub to sue for peace with Hindu India. However, once that was done, Bhutto left the government and began accusing Ayub of losing a won war on the negotiating table.

PPP dissident leader, Naheed Khan, showed me a page from a diary Bhutto kept but on which he only wrote with invisible ink. Naheed showed me how by cursing Asif Ali Zardari the invisible ink becomes readable. This may sound strange, but it’s true. She proved it to me while showing me a page from the diary, written by Bhutto the day he convinced Ayub to end the war with Hindu India. This is what he wrote:

‘I don’t believe it. He actually fell for it. LOL!’

Dear compatriots, we all know what happened next. CIA agents were back in business after Ayub’s fall. Bhutto took over as president and then prime minister and sustained a six-year attack on Islam and on those who wanted to challenge America and Hindu India. What’s more, Bhutto also humiliated our armed forces by misleading them in the 1971 war against Hindu India.

After keeping Yayah Khan in the dark as well, he sent the army to East Pakistan saying that it was West Bengal. He told the army to loot, plunder and rape Hindus of West Bengal. Yes, dear compatriots, our army jawans were mislead into believing that Dhaka was Calcutta. They were just simple men.

Had the army not toppled Bhutto’s regime in 1977, Pakistan would have become a part of the Christian/Jew American Empire.

There is so much negative propaganda against Ziaul Haq today. The truth is he was a humble and pious mustachioed man who simply defended Pakistan’s status as the last great bastion of Islam.

After hanging Bhutto, he had a meeting with the then young Hamid Gul and told him: ‘I am a humble and pious mustachioed man who has simply defended Pakistan’s status as the last great Playstation ® of Islam.’

Gul is said to have shed tears of joy after hearing this and is believed to have gone out and single handedly flogged over a hundred PPP activists in public.

It is a misconception that Zia Sahib entered the Afghan Civil War against the atheist Soviet Union on the behest of Christian America. Gul told me that Zia and his generals along with the great Jamat-i-islami at once drew an elaborate plan to construct a world caliphate by going to war against Soviet Union.

This, they rightly felt would draw the anti-Soviet US into the war. After defeating the Soviets with American help, Zia planned to turn his guns on Christian America and defeat them too. For this Zia began preparing future jihad armies, yes, the same ones whom we now so unfortunately call extremists and terrorists.

Zia turned Pakistan into a pious and mustachioed Playstation ® of Islam where everybody was a Muslim and a man (mashallah, even the women became men as well), and were free to go the mosque and only to the mosque, he defeated the Soviet Union.

But, alas, just as he was about to activate the second part of his elaborate and ingenious plan by starting a war against Christian/Jew/Pornographic America, a traitor broke wind.

That’s how America got wind of this plan and unleashed their agent, Benazir Bhutto. It was her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, who worked closely with the CIA in drawing out a diabolic plan to assassinate Zia.

Just before Zia set off on that fateful plane journey he told Gul: ‘I am a simple and pious mustachioed man who just wants to become a simple and pious mustachioed caliph. But yesterday when I said this to some of my generals, one of them broke wind. I asked him about it and he said it was just a case of gas, but now I believe his breaking of wind was some kind of a coded message to my enemies.’

Gul started shedding tears of anger and is said to have ran out in slow-motion and single-handedly created the anti-Bhutto alliance, the Islami Jamhoori Itehad (IJI).

With the tragic assassination of Zia, Pakistan’s dream of becoming the leader of an international caliphate was wiped out and we again became slaves of the Christian America.

The US and its agents in the Pakistani media are winning the propaganda war in which they are portraying liberation fighters like Taliban and al Qaeda as terrorists, when the truth is, it is these simple, pious bearded men and women who have become men are our best strategic assets to one day help us liberate Afghanistan, Kashmir, Chechnya, Bosnia, Iraq, Lebanon and most of all, Papua New Guinea.

They are the noble seeds with which Pakistan will truly become the greatest Playstation ® and Nintendo ® of jihad, hijab, halal chips and nonalcoholic perfume.

Keep your eyes and ears open. Give your tax money to the army and don’t believe that liberal atheistic hype about putting more money into building schools, hospitals, factories, roads and all.

Mosques are all we need, because we are free to go to them.