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Dying

When one's family has had a warrior's death and it stays in your mind forever, then dying becomes second nature, my father survived 3 wars and countless skirmishes, not so my elder brother (shaheed 71) who was my protector, to this day l miss him. May Allah bless my late father and brother. There have been other shaheeds and ghazis in my family (3 SJs that I know of ), just like countless other families of our brotherhood in uniform.
Dying, the warrior’s perspective

Pardon me, dearest reader, for I am in a somber mood and the picture does not seem to be improving anytime soon. After all, we are in strange times or perhaps we have been and now we merely realize it? The last two months have been really hard on me as despite my best efforts the pandemic came knocking on my door and I must say it knocked harder than I expected. It is different looking at statistics when you become one and know of it. All knowledge humbles at this point, does it not? There’s nothing you can do anymore and that does not seem to be a position that’s comfortable for the human spirit.

I am no stranger to death nor dying, it is the greatest humbler of all that we can experience and indeed every soul shall taste death. Rich or poor, from whichever race, gender, religion or a lack of it, loved or hated, friend or foe, we all return to the ground from where we came from. That makes even the shallowest amongst us ponder.

I suppose that death is a powerful motivator because it makes you question life too; it is like the light and darkness, you cannot understand it on its own and when you begin to then things never remains the same. Death is a permanent reminder that nothing we hold of value is actually permanent. It is the cruel mistress of the sea, it is the predator of nature itself, it is the entropy to the physicist and uncertainty to the mathematician. It makes you question life itself.

It is from this point that I must confess something to the reader, I ask you to forgive me for the randomness of this piece for I am not really well after the battle my body has been through and I wanted to share myself in this very state hence I am deliberately not structuring myself. If that is not something you enjoy or invariably I cause you any distress, please, forgive me. More than that, I wanted to share a bias here that I am a psychologist and have dealt with people who are on the path of dying, their families and the people who try to help them as well as their families. Hence, my view point is inherently biased towards life and I can philosophically defend my position but that’s a discussion for another day, perhaps?

I write this realistically facing the possibility that these may be my last words in mind, the text for this piece was conceptualized when I was in a particularly bad spot during the health crisis I faced. I’m often inquired about my views on this topic so I thought I should pen them some day. It appears I should speak now for I have always preferred to listen and so be it.

I have discovered something interesting being in the uniform. I saw people who were tough enough and brave enough to face death undauntingly through their will to not only survive but thrive. The sort of people who rush towards the strange noise, the people who bump back in the night so to speak. The seekers of danger, dealers of death, noble to some, savages to others but different from all the rest; I’m proud to call them my brothers and be called so by them. There is nothing more that I wish for in life but to be remembered by men and women of fibre whom have respected me like I never thought I would earn. That I shall be remembered as the man who droned the uniform with pride and to whom nothing could and still cannot shake their resolve to do their best for others. I speak as one them now, I suppose because the way we view death and the way that I experienced it when I wasn’t in the uniform was extremely different.

I do not seem to fear death anymore but it’s not out of bravado nor nihilism. It is realistic. What you think about death doesn’t seem to matter, it comes for you regardless. In the end it will. That can break men or it can make them. For me personally as well, the near death experience changed my view of life but for the better yet not in a way that most people think about it. That mentality seems to work regardless of what the original position you take on the subject when it comes to you experiencing it.

Before you fear death, ask yourself, are you truly living?

That is the essence of the great Stoic Philosopher Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations, a collection of his reflections he wrote himself during his life. For those of you who don’t know, you may be surprised to learn that Aurelius was the Emperor of Rome at the time. He wasn’t supposed to be contemplating such things but ruling the Empire, arguably the superpower of the era. Yet, it’s this very job that made Aurelius write his Meditations for the Empire was facing war, famine and a devastating plague. Death and disappointment surrounded Aurelius yet his spirit did not falter, for he aimed to be a ‘moral’ emperor rather than a powerful one, resonating that letting go of desire actually makes you achieve the end goal of it.

Aurelius would be a good companion during distressing times for he faced them himself and the Emperor had no peer to confine in, a friend to rely upon, advisors to truly trust and so he penned Meditations. The peace within one self appears to come whence one can feel peace in solitude. The human soul does not thrive in distractions.

For Aurelius asks himself, does his fear of death do anything? If not then why do it? Would his anger or his achievements aid him there? If not then why have any expectations at all? Aurelius asks the question of why do we fear the inevitable? It is better to make peace with it and live.

Do most people fear death or dying? The former is a state the latter a process and these things are different. The answer to that question may help you or someone else in such a position. I often find it does, at least.

Do you truly die when you die or before that? If you died tomorrow would you be content? Have you said what you had to say? Have you done what you had to do? Have you made peace where you had to? If yes, then why worry? This is not in your control nor can it be. Live while you can, that’s what life is. It is temporary by nature. Thus, it is not the longevity of it that matters. Think of it, would you like to be in any time but yours? Look at it realistically for a while, 500 years from now, when you don’t know anyone around you, you don’t speak the language, maybe even the world you knew is long gone and this will continue. Is that truly what you desire? However, the next question of what the purpose of life is, is an entirely personal matter. There are positions to that question but when it comes to your own experience of it then the opinion that matters is yours in order to deal with it and what it makes you feel.

There is a middle question between these two extremes too. It is the meaning of having a life in the first place. If you have life, what do you have? You have a choice. A dead thing such as a stone, doesn’t care about ‘dying’ for it never had life in the first place. How much of that ability do we use? Do we choose to live while we’re living?

On the utmost personal level, in my experience dealing with such cases as a professional as a therapist, it seems that the spirit crusher is not fear of death but the regrets of not living on the choices that one wanted. Regret starts to dampen the fire.

However, that does not mean what the internet once dubbed “YOLO” You only live once. A mentality that encouraged risky and unhealthy behavior in its followers but that has caused actual deaths so it makes little sense to claim you love life but live in a way that causes you to die sooner.

No. What it means is we either choose or we don’t but we would have regret unless we make peace with those choices. That makes you appreciate being here in the first place. I believe if the world was given to the warriors then there would be peace for those who do not taste death seem to shorten the lives of others at times unfortunately. I don’t think that is out of malintent but more so because that experience is not there.

I hope I did not snub any fires. If I did please, forgive me, this is supposed to help. It was one of the things I wanted to do when I got better so I am really happy to share this with you. I would love to know your thoughts.

Stay safe.
@dbc @PanzerKiel @Joe Shearer @That Guy @ghazi52 @aziqbal @bratava
@Casus Belli @dbc @F.O.X @forcetrip @Hakan @haviZultan @Indos @KAL-EL @MilSpec @Mugwop @Munir @Neutron @S.U.R.B. @siegecrossbow @Signalian @SpArK @TOPGUN @TruthSeeker @vostok

@Ark_Angel @CommandEleven @CPGS @denel @Desertfalcon @GlobalVillageSpace @Quwa @RadioactiveFriends @TheMightyBender @Tps43

@Aamir Hussain @ajpirzada @araz @Awesome @Chak Bamu @Dazzler @Dubious @EagleEyes @ThePatriotReport @UnitedPak @T-Faz @Sapper @roadrunner @RescueRanger @Rafael @Pfpilot @notorious_eagle @niaz @muse @mean_bird @Manticore @Kasrkin @Jungibaaz @Jabar 1 @Icarus @HRK @Elmo @Emmie @fatman17 @Awesome
 
Get well soon and stay safe and strong
Dying, the warrior’s perspective

Pardon me, dearest reader, for I am in a somber mood and the picture does not seem to be improving anytime soon. After all, we are in strange times or perhaps we have been and now we merely realize it? The last two months have been really hard on me as despite my best efforts the pandemic came knocking on my door and I must say it knocked harder than I expected. It is different looking at statistics when you become one and know of it. All knowledge humbles at this point, does it not? There’s nothing you can do anymore and that does not seem to be a position that’s comfortable for the human spirit.

I am no stranger to death nor dying, it is the greatest humbler of all that we can experience and indeed every soul shall taste death. Rich or poor, from whichever race, gender, religion or a lack of it, loved or hated, friend or foe, we all return to the ground from where we came from. That makes even the shallowest amongst us ponder.

I suppose that death is a powerful motivator because it makes you question life too; it is like the light and darkness, you cannot understand it on its own and when you begin to then things never remains the same. Death is a permanent reminder that nothing we hold of value is actually permanent. It is the cruel mistress of the sea, it is the predator of nature itself, it is the entropy to the physicist and uncertainty to the mathematician. It makes you question life itself.

It is from this point that I must confess something to the reader, I ask you to forgive me for the randomness of this piece for I am not really well after the battle my body has been through and I wanted to share myself in this very state hence I am deliberately not structuring myself. If that is not something you enjoy or invariably I cause you any distress, please, forgive me. More than that, I wanted to share a bias here that I am a psychologist and have dealt with people who are on the path of dying, their families and the people who try to help them as well as their families. Hence, my view point is inherently biased towards life and I can philosophically defend my position but that’s a discussion for another day, perhaps?

I write this realistically facing the possibility that these may be my last words in mind, the text for this piece was conceptualized when I was in a particularly bad spot during the health crisis I faced. I’m often inquired about my views on this topic so I thought I should pen them some day. It appears I should speak now for I have always preferred to listen and so be it.

I have discovered something interesting being in the uniform. I saw people who were tough enough and brave enough to face death undauntingly through their will to not only survive but thrive. The sort of people who rush towards the strange noise, the people who bump back in the night so to speak. The seekers of danger, dealers of death, noble to some, savages to others but different from all the rest; I’m proud to call them my brothers and be called so by them. There is nothing more that I wish for in life but to be remembered by men and women of fibre whom have respected me like I never thought I would earn. That I shall be remembered as the man who droned the uniform with pride and to whom nothing could and still cannot shake their resolve to do their best for others. I speak as one them now, I suppose because the way we view death and the way that I experienced it when I wasn’t in the uniform was extremely different.

I do not seem to fear death anymore but it’s not out of bravado nor nihilism. It is realistic. What you think about death doesn’t seem to matter, it comes for you regardless. In the end it will. That can break men or it can make them. For me personally as well, the near death experience changed my view of life but for the better yet not in a way that most people think about it. That mentality seems to work regardless of what the original position you take on the subject when it comes to you experiencing it.

Before you fear death, ask yourself, are you truly living?

That is the essence of the great Stoic Philosopher Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations, a collection of his reflections he wrote himself during his life. For those of you who don’t know, you may be surprised to learn that Aurelius was the Emperor of Rome at the time. He wasn’t supposed to be contemplating such things but ruling the Empire, arguably the superpower of the era. Yet, it’s this very job that made Aurelius write his Meditations for the Empire was facing war, famine and a devastating plague. Death and disappointment surrounded Aurelius yet his spirit did not falter, for he aimed to be a ‘moral’ emperor rather than a powerful one, resonating that letting go of desire actually makes you achieve the end goal of it.

Aurelius would be a good companion during distressing times for he faced them himself and the Emperor had no peer to confine in, a friend to rely upon, advisors to truly trust and so he penned Meditations. The peace within one self appears to come whence one can feel peace in solitude. The human soul does not thrive in distractions.

For Aurelius asks himself, does his fear of death do anything? If not then why do it? Would his anger or his achievements aid him there? If not then why have any expectations at all? Aurelius asks the question of why do we fear the inevitable? It is better to make peace with it and live.

Do most people fear death or dying? The former is a state the latter a process and these things are different. The answer to that question may help you or someone else in such a position. I often find it does, at least.

Do you truly die when you die or before that? If you died tomorrow would you be content? Have you said what you had to say? Have you done what you had to do? Have you made peace where you had to? If yes, then why worry? This is not in your control nor can it be. Live while you can, that’s what life is. It is temporary by nature. Thus, it is not the longevity of it that matters. Think of it, would you like to be in any time but yours? Look at it realistically for a while, 500 years from now, when you don’t know anyone around you, you don’t speak the language, maybe even the world you knew is long gone and this will continue. Is that truly what you desire? However, the next question of what the purpose of life is, is an entirely personal matter. There are positions to that question but when it comes to your own experience of it then the opinion that matters is yours in order to deal with it and what it makes you feel.

There is a middle question between these two extremes too. It is the meaning of having a life in the first place. If you have life, what do you have? You have a choice. A dead thing such as a stone, doesn’t care about ‘dying’ for it never had life in the first place. How much of that ability do we use? Do we choose to live while we’re living?

On the utmost personal level, in my experience dealing with such cases as a professional as a therapist, it seems that the spirit crusher is not fear of death but the regrets of not living on the choices that one wanted. Regret starts to dampen the fire.

However, that does not mean what the internet once dubbed “YOLO” You only live once. A mentality that encouraged risky and unhealthy behavior in its followers but that has caused actual deaths so it makes little sense to claim you love life but live in a way that causes you to die sooner.

No. What it means is we either choose or we don’t but we would have regret unless we make peace with those choices. That makes you appreciate being here in the first place. I believe if the world was given to the warriors then there would be peace for those who do not taste death seem to shorten the lives of others at times unfortunately. I don’t think that is out of malintent but more so because that experience is not there.

I hope I did not snub any fires. If I did please, forgive me, this is supposed to help. It was one of the things I wanted to do when I got better so I am really happy to share this with you. I would love to know your thoughts.

Stay safe.
@dbc @PanzerKiel @Joe Shearer @That Guy @ghazi52 @aziqbal @bratava
@Casus Belli @dbc @F.O.X @forcetrip @Hakan @haviZultan @Indos @KAL-EL @MilSpec @Mugwop @Munir @Neutron @S.U.R.B. @siegecrossbow @Signalian @SpArK @TOPGUN @TruthSeeker @vostok

@Ark_Angel @CommandEleven @CPGS @denel @Desertfalcon @GlobalVillageSpace @Quwa @RadioactiveFriends @TheMightyBender @Tps43

@Aamir Hussain @ajpirzada @araz @Awesome @Chak Bamu @Dazzler @Dubious @EagleEyes @ThePatriotReport @UnitedPak @T-Faz @Sapper @roadrunner @RescueRanger @Rafael @Pfpilot @notorious_eagle @niaz @muse @mean_bird @Manticore @Kasrkin @Jungibaaz @Jabar 1 @Icarus @HRK @Elmo @Emmie @fatman17 @Awesome
 
Bro I don't know what to write. Yes, death is a reality and everyone will taste it, even the death angel himself.
People mostly think of their legacy this time (material, thought process, training), but as said always think ahead. As a msulim we should believe that actually we are just climbing a ladder in the life phase.
So leaving this temporary place is nothing compared to what coming ahead. It is good that you are contemplating.
I pray that my kids May live a better life. If that is impossible due to difficult time ahead (dajjal, wars, famines, water scarcity, fake foods/medicines, frauds, etc) then I sometimes wish that I died alongwith my family (like in some crash). I don't want my progeny to live in this cruel/materialistic world.

But as Quran says that people of the right hand (pious) will live in abundance even near the end of time so I am also hopeful.

However, I wish that when I will enter paradise I can see my grand fathers/mothers.. especially the person who first became Muslim (probably that was my great great grand father). Also down the line, if some revolutionist/leader come from lineage and change the fate of Pakistan to better, then probably I won't see him in my life.. but at least I can say him in Jennah "main teray piyu da piyu han" :D @jaibi
 
Sir, it's been an honor knowing you and I am extremely humbled that you shared with me. My deepest respects, sir, I would love to accompany you down memory lane to honor and remember them.
When one's family has had a warrior's death and it stays in your mind forever, then dying becomes second nature, my father survived 3 wars and countless skirmishes, not so my elder brother (shaheed 71) who was my protector, to this day l miss him. May Allah bless my late father and brother. There have been other shaheeds and ghazis in my family (3 SJs that I know of ), just like countless other families of our brotherhood in uniform.
That's a beautiful thought brother I loved what you wrote. I too wish to hug my grandfather, maternal, once more and if I get it for eternity then I would not be able to tell you how happy I am. My deepest love to you, brother, may we see each other in that contentment.
Bro I don't know what to write. Yes, death is a reality and everyone will taste it, even the death angel himself.
People mostly think of their legacy this time (material, thought process, training), but as said always think ahead. As a msulim we should believe that actually we are just climbing a ladder in the life phase.
So leaving this temporary place is nothing compared to what coming ahead. It is good that you are contemplating.
I pray that my kids May live a better life. If that is impossible due to difficult time ahead (dajjal, wars, famines, water scarcity, fake foods/medicines, frauds, etc) then I sometimes wish that I died alongwith my family (like in some crash). I don't want my progeny to live in this cruel/materialistic world.

But as Quran says that people of the right hand (pious) will live in abundance even near the end of time so I am also hopeful.

However, I wish that when I will enter paradise I can see my grand fathers/mothers.. especially the person who first became Muslim (probably that was my great great grand father). Also down the line, if some revolutionist/leader come from lineage and change the fate of Pakistan to better, then probably I won't see him in my life.. but at least I can say him in Jennah "main teray piyu da piyu han" :D @jaibi
 
@jaibi

everything in the end just becomes a excuse, the virus the incidents or accidents but as per our religion there is no accident In islam, its written wether we like it or not

all of us one day will have a guest in front of us, the Angel of Death, when our time comes we have to go

I pray to Allah Swt that he gives you the full recovery and this brings you closer to the religion of islam Ameen

We pray to Allah SWT to protect us from his sudden displeasure Ameen

We pray to Allah Swt to protect us from Satan misguiding us on our death beds Ameen

We seek refugee in Allah from the ridicule of our enemies Ameen

May Allah Swt ease your pain and give you full recovery and health Ameen
 
Amen, brother.
@jaibi

everything in the end just becomes a excuse, the virus the incidents or accidents but as per our religion there is no accident In islam, its written wether we like it or not

all of us one day will have a guest in front of us, the Angel of Death, when our time comes we have to go

I pray to Allah Swt that he gives you the full recovery and this brings you closer to the religion of islam Ameen

We pray to Allah SWT to protect us from his sudden displeasure Ameen

We pray to Allah Swt to protect us from Satan misguiding us on our death beds Ameen

We seek refugee in Allah from the ridicule of our enemies Ameen

May Allah Swt ease your pain and give you full recovery and health Ameen
I'm well, brother!
How is Jaibi Sir?
@fatman17
 
First of all, Jaibi saheb, I wish you best regards.

Since you are in the military ( a soldiering psychologist ), as you said you have seen people nearing Death quite a few times. Me, come January 2 it will be one year since my father passed away. His last months were troubled and since his communication wasn't good only he knew any physical pain he suffered. Among other things that I will remember him for will be of some years ago when he would daily go to the chicken shop to bring chichade for the three baby cats who lived in a shelter I had arranged on our terrace. My father went daily to the shop, never indicating if he was unwell a certain day.

Do most people fear death or dying?
If you died tomorrow would you be content? Have you said what you had to say?

I fear dying. Actually I would be extremely disappointed if I were to die today because I want to do everything to ensure that I effect revolutionary political change in India and also I want to live on Mars someday in the 2030s ( Oh, Elon Musk is talking about manned Mars expedition within this decade itself ).

Look at it realistically for a while, 500 years from now, when you don’t know anyone around you, you don’t speak the language, maybe even the world you knew is long gone and this will continue.

Five hundred years from now I am sure our main inter-cultural language will still be English. I am also sure that humans will have evolved in the biological sciences enough to make human life a long one, which will have an effect of larger population but this can be offset by spreading out to Mars, but Earth will still remain a sacred sort of place.
 
God willing members of this forum won't die of corona virus.
 
Before you fear death, ask yourself, are you truly living?
Before my death, I would probably think, why haven't I spent my life to do something worthwhile. On my deathbed, I would think just how much better options to go out I had.
 
Before my death, I would probably think, why haven't I spent my life to do something worthwhile. On my deathbed, I would think just how much better options to go out I had.
Remember, “Death is just the Beginning”
@jaibi Emotional piece by you buddy.

I hope InshaAllah you are well and getting better.

Your piece reminded me of the painful time I spent in May 2020 when my dad was on vent for 3 weeks.

Even before that, He was ill for two weeks on deathbed, Alone like the common bachelors residing in DUBAI, couldn’t move and yet mustered the energy to call us on voice call and talk for 5-10 mins with least coughing, Knowing that if he shows his real condition, We would get more worried.

The last time I talked to him, I didn’t even knew this would be the last call I would ever receive from my Big man who raised my like a Prince for more than two decades,

My words “Pappa Kal InshaAllah ap mujhe call karen sham mein, Mein apke phone mein 2 step verification lagaonga”

His reply “Wo to theek hai, but bank login safe hai android mein ? Chalo phir kal hi batadena” *In an extremely painful and forced out voice*
 
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