China disowns chowmein, slams India

[Major Shaitan Singh]

NEW DELHI: Days after Khap leader Jitender Chhatar from Haryana, in a moment of surprising clarity, had blamed fast food — particularly chowmein — for the rise in rape cases, the Chinese government issued a sharply worded statement condemning Indian chowmein.

The issue has turned into a diplomatic nightmare as Beijing threatened to take India to court for the treatment meted out to what could have been a nice Chinese dish of noodles.

"They have taken the 'Chineseness' out of it and turned it into a spicy Indian sabzi that causes acidity," a visibly distressed Chinese official said. "With the amount of oil they use, it's surprising the Americans haven't invaded the dish," he added.

"I would like to categorically state that the Chinese population explosion is not the result of chowmein," the Chinese official said. Sources say, now, anyone owning a Chinese restaurant in India will be given a stapled visa for visiting China.

Earlier, as Mocktale reported, the Union Cabinet had caved in to pressure from the Khap association of India and cleared a bill that makes chowmein a prescription drug only available at chemist stores.

Meanwhile, activist Anna Hazare, who is well versed with the concept of "fast food", condemned the Khap statement and said these ruffians should be tied to poles and flogged. "This technique has cured many alcoholics," he said. He later threatened to go on a "fast food fast" if the government doesn't take action fast. "I follow a fast come, fast served policy," he added.

Cops have now issued an advisory asking all girls to avoid Chinese eateries. Many of these restaurants have reported a dip in business. A hungry customer wailed, "Finding chowmein is like searching for a noodle in a haystack".

The Left called the Khap theory an American conspiracy to defame Mao and "our Chinese brothers" while the Shiv Sena blamed it on the ISI. "Pakistan and China have always been hand in glove against India and this is just another Sino-Pak plot," fumed a Sena leader.

However, MNS leader Raj Thackeray blamed the entire conspiracy on people from Bihar and UP. "Chowmein is a Bihari dish eaten with litti and must be banned," he fumed.

Now, anyone found consuming chowmein without a medical prescription will be jailed for six months and made to watch daily Hindi soaps. Furthermore, if DNA tests find ajinomoto in your blood stream, you may be denied bail. Meanwhile, red light areas are reporting a boom in chowmein sales.

 

[Supply&Demand]

ha ha ..very good...i like this one...

"They have taken the 'Chineseness' out of it and turned it into a spicy Indian sabzi that causes acidity," a visibly distressed Chinese official said. "With the amount of oil they use, it's surprising the Americans haven't invaded the dish," he added.

 

[Chinese-Dragon]

LOL what...............

 

[Wickerman]

HAHAHA!!! I bet this is some fake news thingy.

 

[Kyusuibu Honbu]

HAHAHA!!! I bet this is some fake news thingy.

Spoof article.

 

[Spring Onion]

And all the Haryanvis should line up for DNA test

 

[Splurgenxs]

hahah love the fake news fad with TOI nowdays.,,, didn't i read another funny article about Vdara.
is it by any chance the same author?

 

[1ndy]

Chinese restaurant owner will given stapled visa to travel china? To learn how to make chowmein?

 

[airuah]

lol...wtf.....

 

[Mech]

I was like "wtf am i reading" till the very end until realization hit me.

Its not a very good spoof article. Everything feels pieced together instead of bearing semblance to a plausible (even if ridiculous) story.

+1 for effort but -10 for messing it up.

 

[dollarman]

LOL what...............

Victim says rapes a result of social inequalities, khap leader blames fast food!

Rape as caste vendetta

“Earlier, the Dalits were illiterate and poor. Now there is more awareness and with the media’s help, incidents are being reported,” says Sanjay Chouhan, a young local dalit activist who is leading the legal and the public campaign to secure justice for Seema. Chouhan was present at the civil hospital where Seema’s father’s body had been brought for post-mortem. That is when he noticed the police report prepared by the investigating officer was different from what Seema had told him.

“I immediately called the Superintendent of Police and he asked us come over. We then gave everything to him in writing…When we raised the Dabda incident and the media highlighted the issue, the government had to take notice,” he explains.

According to activists, sexual violence against women, especially Dalit women, has increased.

“The government insists that the rise in crime has nothing to do with caste discrimination. But since the Jat reservation protest and the atrocity in Mirchpur against the Dalits — where the guilty have still not been arrested — the violence in the name caste has been on the rise. Today there is a new awareness to assert our rights. And crimes such gang rapes are a strategy to demoralise the community,” says, Bhagoriya.

Rape is often a punishment for the growing assertiveness of women and Dalits, says the All India Democratic Women’s Association’s (AIDWA) vice-president Jagmati Sangwan.

“Women and Dalits are asserting their democratic rights. And they (referring to Khaps) look at this as a threat to their hegemony. So they are resorting to violence to suppress this awareness and assertion. In a way, if women are getting education and asking for rights and dignity, they (Khaps) think they (women) are against patriarchal values. Rape is used as a weapon. Their proposal to lower the age of marriage reflects that mindset. ‘Don’t allow girls to study, don’t allow them to wear jeans, don’t allow them to talk to boys, to use mobile phones’ — these are put forth by them to control assertion and awareness.”

And such retributive violence often goes unpunished. “There is a serious lack in the state machinery to protect the dignity and security of women. Corruption is rampant at the lower levels of the police, especially in cases of this nature. The police puts pressure on the girl’s family to settle the case. The patriarchal mindset is very strong,” Sangwan says, “There is no focus on the criminals and crime, it is centric to women — ‘get them married earlier’, all this is consensual’. They are victimising the victims.”

Jitendar Chattar

Khap leader: blame it on fast food

Jitender Chhattar is a Khap leader from Jind district and supports lowering the age of marriage.

“It was only a suggestion. Everyone is free to give suggestions,” he says, sounding a little defensive, as he tries to explain his position: “In earlier times, hormones became active at a later age. Now due to our diets and so on, hormones are becoming active sooner. That is reason why khaps said that when girls are 15-16, they should be married. This will prevent rapes to a large extent. After marriage, she can continue her studies. There is no pressure on her to give up career or studies.”

“Lowering the marriage age alone won’t solve the problem,” admits Chattar, adding, “Girls must be given self-defence training in judo and karate.” A noble idea, although it remains unclear who’ll train the girls in the villages.

Chattar lists three causes for the rape crisis in Haryana: “Obscenity in the movies and lack of culture are the two main reasons responsible for such incidents. Another important reason is fast food such as chowmein and so on. They have an impact on the body.”

Fast food, did he say? How did he come to this conclusion?

“When we eat fast food, heat is produced in the body and this leads to faster production of sex hormones. There is no doubt about this. We should therefore consume cold things. And we should adopt Indian culture.”

The young Khap leader vehemently denies that caste has anything to do with the rapes. “That is completely false. This is a media creation. Everyone’s reputation is equal. Caste is not a factor. Whether a Dalit or some other caste, we respect all Indian women. Look at what happened in Sacha Khera, a Dalit raped another Dalit. Rapists have no caste, they don’t care whether she is a Dalit, a Jat or Rajput. It is a feeling that takes control of the mind.”

Asked why rapists had no fear of the Khaps or of the police, Chhattar says: “The Khaps, have always supported the strictest punishment for the rapists. The Khaps are also holding discussions on this. We will put forward some suggestions such as social boycott of rapist so that there will be fear. There should be fear of the law, like it was in British times. Politicians too have played a role in diminishing fear of law.”

And that perhaps maybe the one point on which both Chattar and his critics agree.

Ramkish Nain, 24, a farmer from Khadwal village, says young men have lost fear of the law. “The first reason is the government. Take the case of Gopal Kanda. He who has money, throws it around. This is the main reason. Crimes like rape are a reflection of power that comes from unearned money or connections and influence of parents that their son’s exploit.”


SUMMARY: Ret*rded political/religious leader blames fast food like Chow Mein for rape in Haryana (one of India's states)

 

[Che Guevara]

I love chowmein....
Oww maoo chaoo

 

[Rhino]

Actually indians are the largest consumer of noodles after china...its the best selling fastfood in india and not to forget everyones favourite 'Maggi Noodles'

 

[Thorough Pro]

NEW DELHI: Days after Khap leader Jitender Chhatar from Haryana, in a moment of surprising clarity, had blamed fast food — particularly chowmein — for the rise in rape cases,

Sick indians now even blame Chinese food for their mental sickness, no where else in the world eating Chowmin makes people commit rape.

 

[Emmie]

I hope he tried being sarcastic there. Rise in rape cases because of chowmein?