Mistaking David Cameron for Kaiser Wilhelm?
By Jawed Naqvi
Monday, 02 Aug, 2010
Why is everyone so excessively miffed with David Cameron? He came to India and said a few terse things about Pakistan and the ISI. Some Pakistanis too would agree with his views on the spy agency, not to mention countries in the neighbourhood that have nightmares over its real and imagined activities. The British prime minister didn’t say anything new, did he? He essentially repeated what we could in any case glean from the Wikileaks revelations, or even earlier, from Zia ul Haq’s havoc, which he wreaked on his countrymen to the West’s boundless appreciation.
Jawed Sahab ka jawab nahin. Somewhere he is upset about what the brave Gen. Zia did to Pakistan while on the other hand he is upset when the Prime Minister of UK delivered his assessment of the most favourite protege and institution of Gen. Zia.
That Jawedji is upset, I am sure of. The mystery is what upsets him more here.
Some critics felt Mr Cameron was undiplomatic in chiding Pakistan from Indian soil, while a former British foreign secretary described him as a loudmouth. But then everyone knows he was on a mission to sell warplanes to India. If flattery and appeasement of the nouveau riche elite in India fetches him a politically and economically useful 700 million pounds military deal, so be it. That’s why he first went to Bangalore where a pact was initialled before he arrived in Delhi. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh had arranged a grand reception at the splendorous presidential palace, the former vice-regal lodge, from where Cameron’s forbears had ruled India.
Here we start to get a feel of what is upsetting Jawedbhai a little more clearly. Certainly a part of it has to do with the economic success that India is striving to achieve. And of course, how dare a country like India get respect from UK which ruled India for so long.
Afterall that kind of behaviour is reserved only for nations like Jawedbhai's own who suddenly appeared free on this Earth right next to the slave Indians.
The most evident reason for Mr Cameron to make his overhyped pronouncements from Delhi lies in the fact that he is a Conservative politician in the image of Margaret Thatcher. When Napoleon called England a nation of shopkeepers he could not have imagined how accurately the description would fit the former Iron Lady who, it was common knowledge, never visited any country without an order form in her handbag. Mrs Thatcher of course had another feather in her cap which Mr Cameron can only dream of. Her image makeover came from near the remote South Pole where she converted the Malvinas islands into the Falklands with military force.
And here it is just getting clearer that Jawedji has an increasing dislike of the principle of economic / politico give and take. I think by now it is evident that he believes in the higher altruistic purpose in this world of ony giving and giving away wealth to a deserving country like Pakistan and has a strong dislike to the principle of nations seeking mutual gains with their resources and positions of influence. And on top of everything the precious human resources such as terrorists, assassins, spies, extremists that Pakistan has so ardously developed get no due and on the other hand the stupid wealth that the Indians generated over the years is worth more. This is a conspiracy of direst magnitutes (equivalent to several tonnes of TNT explosion) against humanity.
There seems far less hope for her ideological protégé to expect similar generosity in an even more inhospitable region – Afghanistan, Iraq and elsewhere in the Middle East where Britain has its irons in the fire. The best he can hope for is to cut his losses at home, discard the Liberal allies in the not too distant future and find the votes to elect a Conservative government by being or becoming assiduously rightwing.
Therefore, Mr Cameron cannot and should not be faulted for being merely what he is – an exceedingly ambitious Conservative politician. And though he is seeking to cast himself in the mould of Mrs Thatcher he neither has a Ronald Regan to boost his morale nor the ruse of a Cold War to mask the ambitions of his party’s militarist worldview. The trouble lies elsewhere, and it really lies with the obsequious Indians and fawning Pakistanis who act hurt when they are rapped on the knuckles by those they seek to play sherpas to.
Here Jawedbhai is a little disappointing because he has started shooting the messenger and not the message. But that can be excused. In our world afterall there are humans and of course then lesser humans like me and what else but our actions and thoughts give us away.
What Mr Cameron said about the ISI made for banner headlines in most Indian dailies. Why? The question is particularly valid since Indian officials, including the home secretary, the foreign minister and the national security adviser had known and spoken publicly of the ISI’s entanglement in Afghanistan. What is the net worth of Mr Cameron’s inculpation of the ISI in Afghanistan when India already knew better? And in spite of this knowledge about the ISI, Dr Manmohan Singh was willing to talk to Pakistan. The Indian leader obviously knows more than anyone else that the only way to tame the ISI in Afghanistan or in Kashmir would be to take Pakistan on a journey of trust-building. But there are powerful lobbies in India that can virtually dictate the lead story to a newspaper and who don’t want any progress in talks with Islamabad.
Now I think he is getting confused. First reaction is normally sarcasm, then slandering and then follows confusion !!
Jawedbhai needs to make up his mind whether India is after Pakistan or it wants peace with Pakistan as he is stating above.
How else could the Times of India, leading the Aman Yatra for peace with Pakistan, report after the Cameron-Singh press conference that Dr Singh had blamed the Pakistan foreign minister for the talks’ “failure” in Islamabad? Failure? The Indian prime minister had clearly said that the Pakistan minister’s handling of a press conference had distracted from important achievements the two foreign ministers had made in their discussions.
Similarly, when Indian and Pakistani national security advisers met in Delhi and warmly hugged each other in September 2008 in an unprecedented public display of camaraderie, they had been hit by the Kabul embassy blast in July and a subsequent attack on the Marriott in Islamabad. Did they not know their brief? M.K. Narayanan, the Indian NSA, told Mr Mahmud Ali Durrani that he was on the same page with him on terrorism. What did they mean? Did India not know about the ISI’s role in Afghanistan when it was reaching out to Pakistan before Mumbai set back the rapprochement by months.
Now building on total denial as we move forward. Afterall the Indian Embassy bombing should not have been an event which could disrupt the discussions between India & Pakistan. The destruction of India embassy is only just because India has no business in trying to build friendships with a nation that is in reality Pakistan's fiefdom. So Indian protests and denouncements of that bombing was merely foolish. See, how foolish can the Indians get Jawedbhai!!
In any case how does Mr Cameron help the matter? What can he do for India? As far as he is concerned India remains a pawn that is aspiring to be a player in the international chess game which his forbears started in 18th century in the southern half of the subcontinent. Were it not for the treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle signed in 1748 between France and Spain, British mercenary Robert Clive would be a prisoner in French-ruled Madras. The treaty saw France regaining a key outpost in America. In fact, Britain had exchanged Louisbourg so that France withdrew from the Netherlands. Madras, captured by French Admiral La Bourdonnais in 1746 was returned to Britain likewise. Is a similar treaty going to be signed to work out some international arrangement, say between the Shanghai Group and Nato with similar profit-driven international linkages?
And finally as expected, the discussion trajectory now arrives on discarding everything that the Prime Minister stated. Afterall the Prime Minister could not have expected to have gotten away from this gaffe without Jawedbai's personal rebuke. And who is this James Cameron anyway? Even if he is the Prime Minister of U.K? And that too for a pawn like India who is barely managing to keep a trillion dollar economy working with a mere 9% plus growth rate. What could the Prime Minister really do for this nation of beggars?
Would it not be more prudent for India to resolve its disputes with Pakistan, among other reasons, to gain an important advantage in Afghanistan – and thus also avoid the embarrassment of remaining a cheerleader for the United States and Britain, that too in its own neighbourhood? To get there, however, it will need to overcome the embarrassment of an obsequious middle class with its “non-resident” pseudo nationalist mentality. It would require the press to stop acting silly.
It really was the limit to see a perfectly agreeable anchor of NDTV asking Mr Cameron to repeat the lines on the ISI. Then the anchor did something even more embarrassing. He virtually asked the British prime minister to agree with his view that the British prime minister had come to Delhi first before planning a trip to Beijing because he cared more for India! A literally frightened Mr Cameron quickly brushed aside the query. I had thought the days were over when one elderly gentleman would invariably humiliate his Indian reporters with his fawning queries at news conferences.
On one occasion, German Chancellor Helmut Kohl was bombarded with the most bizarre line of inquiry. “Welcome to Delhi sir,” said the accredited correspondent of goodness knows which newspaper. Then came the punch line. “Sir between India and Pakistan, would you support us or Pakistan? Also, sir on the question of Kashmir, are you with India? And finally, sir, now that you have East Germany with you, can you help us improve our Olympic standards?” Kohl’s pithy reply was subtle and, I fear, it may have missed his quarry: “I think you are mistaking me for Kaiser Wilhelm,” the German Chancellor said before moving on to the next correspondent.
Thank God that this embarrassing correspondent was cut short by Chancellor Kohl just where he did. Who knows, the next question from the correspondent could have been : How much of aid will now you try to arrange for us? That would have really shamed most Indians of today to the lowest level of embarrassment.
And I totally agree with the Cheerleader analysis of Jawedbhai. Afer CEATO, CENTO and gifting a part of Kashmir to China, how dare Indians even try to learn this art of entertainment of the teenagers? Specially when Indians were stupidly trying to create leadership via NAM.
The cheering and bending over better be left to others. Let us just hope that there is no Armitage calling India to see how good can we get at Cheerleading and bending over.
Anyway, thankfully China will ensure that India never gets the cheerleading crown. Afterall they need Pakistan to cheer for them till they are there.
Well, nor does Mr Cameron claim to be Kaiser Wilhelm. The difference though between Kohl and him was that in a manner of speaking the British leader was more encouraging of his hosts. He was impressed for example with India’s Commonwealth Games effort, which he declared, contrary to what many Indians believe was the case, a success. As Manmohan Singh received the words with obvious relief, his mind must have strayed to the Section 144 imposed in the localities surrounding the sports venue. The criminal procedure code was given the offensive clause by the British in the aftermath of the 1857 uprising to prevent a meeting anywhere of more than four Indians. Four or more Indians were perceived to be plotting something sinister. The same colonial law will help secure the Commonwealth sports contest in October. Mr Cameron could not have missed the symbolism of the great Indian democracy governed with quaint British laws. Looking at the hapless state of Afghanistan, however, we can’t help feeling that things could have been far worse for India and Pakistan. Both should count their blessings.
jawednaqvi@gmail.com
The above part and the references to Indian law are perfectly in place. Afterall what would Jawedbhai know of the British law that India is now following. The Greatnation of Pakistan afterall has its own set of invented/innovative laws since the time of Bin Qasim.
And I really hope that India stages the commonwealth games well. Afterall at least some of us can have sports events in our nation, let us not squander these opportunities.
Indeed, Jawedbhai ka jawab nahin. (From P-alms-o-live advert).