Arranged-marriage vs ‘love-marriage’

[AshishDelhi]

Then there is third type of marriage and that's the Islamic marriage in which the girl and boy meet, and if they like, they can get married especially if their parents agree..so it has best of both worlds.. and more importantly it discards worst of both the worlds.
If you fall in love (basically that's infatuation) your life becomes complicated and all sorts of problem start especially if parents do not agree.
However parents also need to act maturely and follow Islam instead of their egos, personal choices & preferences and traditions. Indo-**** parents, their sons are their retirement plan so they normally want a controllable girl. Though under Islam law, boy is bound to seek permission of his parents for marriage.

What you talked about is usual arranged marriage scene. How is it Islamic specifically?

 

[Jugger]

Ok then what about arranged cum love marriage, First meeting arranged by parents then fall in love and then get married.
Or love cum arranged marriage, first love then force your parents to accept your choice by threat of suicide and then get married.

 

[gambit]

I was married once, and here is what I learned from someone else: It is better to be alone than to wish you were.

I do not care if your marriage came from an arrangement or from love. There WILL be many times in your marriage when you will wish you are not married. And it is a terrible feeling every time you have it.

You do not look forward to going home at the end of the work day. While you are at home, you walk on eggshells, and you avoid each other whenever possible.

You cook separate meals and if both of you happened to want to eat at the same time, using the kitchen is awkward as you try to avoid getting into each other's way. The worst part is when you see each other eating different food because each of you cook only for self. I can remember when we were just married, we ate out of one plate, one bowl, one glass, and one set of utensils. The romance was delicious.

I do not care if your marriage came from an arrangement or from love.

There is a point on why I brought up a divorce, the worst thing that can happen to a marriage. In a love marriage, just as a person voluntarily entered the marriage, he/she can voluntarily leave it. In an arranged marriage, you owe those who arranged it an explanation on why their efforts came to naught via the divorce.

A low divorce rate does not mean the marriages are overwhelmingly happy. Many couples, for many reasons, stay together until circumstances are favorable to a divorce.

 

[livingdead]

Ok then what about arranged cum love marriage, First meeting arranged by parents then fall in love and then get married.
Or love cum arranged marriage, first love then force your parents to accept your choice by threat of suicide and then get married.

how do you 'fall' in love after its arranged/rigged?
the second one is love marriage... nothing arranged there... except the function/feast thing.

 

[Jugger]

how do you 'fall' in love after its arranged/rigged?
the second one is love marriage... nothing arranged there... except the function/feast thing.

Whatever, one thing is for sure, everyone 'FALLS' in love no one ever 'RISES'.

 

[Zibago]

i will go for love marriage.times are changing our needs are more defined now and generation gap between us and our parents is substantially huge in fact it is the largest gap since inception of this world all courtesy of advances in electronics.
throwing two strangers in a room and expecting them to love each might have worked in the past but not anymore.you need someone with same brain power, mindset and values as you.
reason for increasing divorces is not because of increase in love marriages it is because of increased self awareness decreasing pressure for divorced people(a good thing you can't spend your whole life in hell because of single mistake).you and only you understand and know what you want and when you don't get those core things you wanted in the relationship breakup or divorce happens.it doesn't even matter what type of marriage it was.
best option in my opinion is either let your child do love marriage or give them enough space and alone time without putting the pressure to commit no matter what before arrange marriage.so guy and girl can understand each other better and decide them self either their to be partner is compatible with them or not.


shiekho lagta hay apna dono ka demagh ek hi cast main tyar hoa hay

Nahi you dislike Laila i like Laila we are totally different

 

[Hell hound]

Nahi you dislike Laila i like Laila we are totally different

but we both like ayesha omar thats something

 

[war&peace]

What you talked about is usual arranged marriage scene. How is it Islamic specifically?

There is a huge difference between an arranged marriage and an Islamic marriage, in arranged marriage, the whole authority and focus lies on parents, their wishes, their wills and their decisions while in an Islamic marriage, the focus and authority is with the people to get married..how?? here is how. When the boy fulfils the requirement for the marriage i.e. puberty and independence i.e. sufficient income to be able to pay for himself and his future family,

(not necessarily in order or sequence but loosely that's the step by step break down)

1. He does not need the permission of parents to start looking for a girl
2. He himself finds the family / girl
3. He himself contacts the father / guardian of the girl for interest...he does not need to send his parents to girl's home
4. The guardian of the girl should arrange a meeting between the girl and the boy and he is supposed to supervise the meeting...He will sit at a suitable distance where both girl and boy feel comfortable but at the same time they know he is able to see them
5. If boy likes the girl, he will let the father / guardian of the girl know and ask for her hand.
6. The guardian will see if the character and the reputation of the boy is good and also if he is suitable for her..after that he will ask the girl if she liked him or not without employing any sort of pressure on her but he can guide her
7. If both girl and her guardian agree, the message is conveyed to the boy that it is ok and he should prepare for marriage
8. There is no demand of dowry etc from the boy or girl's side, though friends and family can give gifts to the newly married couple as per their happiness and convenience, no stress, no pressure.
9. The nikkah is done as per Islamic way and more people are encouraged to attend it so that it becomes well known in the community that this boy and this girl (through positive identities) have been married and
10. Boy arranges for the Walima ( food for guests after nikkah on the same day or on the next day)
11. The boy has to arrange a separate accommodation for this wife. He cannot force her to share his parents home

Now, role of boy's parents is very limited and it is not disrespect them but actually to make it realistic. In normal, traditional arranged marriages, the parents are selecting the girl, making the proposal and doing most the stuff while the boy is kept out of the scene until the marriage day or gets see her once or few times..but normally not allowed to talk. Furthermore, what parents and even sisters of the boy don't let us know is that when they are looking for girl, they look for someone who they are comfortable with, who is docile and will obey them while in Islam, the girl is not supposed to serve boy's parents, she can and it will be great for her but she is not bound to do that. In fact, she is not even bound to work for her husband more like the western concept of relationships. Though she has to be respectful and polite towards them. Furthermore, it is normally the boy's family that demands dowry in subcontinent (hindu culture), in Islamic marriage, the boy is supposed to provide for the basic articles for living i.e. home, basic furniture, car or mode of transportation etc ..
The girl / women is not treated like "a paon ki jooty" as is common (no offence) in hindu / subcontinent's culture, rather she is treated like an equal partner with suitable rights and responsibilities in the relationship.

These are a few things that just came to my mind, If you are interested in knowing more about it, you can search online.

 

[H!TchHiker]

Tricky ...I think one love marriage and another arranged ......

 

[war&peace]

All of my female cousins have touched the mark of 30+ so no chance in family . I think this is what you meant by arrange marriage ?

Never marry a cousin bro..for medical reasons. It is better you find a girl from totally a different caste and family.

 

[Hell hound]

Tricky ...I think one love marriage and another arranged ......

then suicide from all the tensions and mess

 

[H!TchHiker]

then suicide from all the tensions and mess

Don't tell either......If angry with one you would definitely be happy with second one and vice versa ..

 

[Hell hound]

Don't tell either......If angry with one you would definitely be happy with second one and vice versa ..

aurton ko or kuch samjh aye na aye is tarhan kay mamlon main un ki sixth sense bohat teez hoti hay
or jab pata chal gya phir game over

 

[H!TchHiker]

aurton ko or kuch samjh aye na aye is tarhan kay mamlon main un ki sixth sense bohat teez hoti hay

Ya Mard k kamzori hoti hay itna to sense hona chaeya ..Do 1 in KSA and 1 in Pak..If in Pak two with different provinces..

 

[AshishDelhi]

There is a huge difference between an arranged marriage and an Islamic marriage, in arranged marriage, the whole authority and focus lies on parents, their wishes, their wills and their decisions while in an Islamic marriage, the focus and authority is with the people to get married..how?? here is how. When the boy fulfils the requirement for the marriage i.e. puberty and independence i.e. sufficient income to be able to pay for himself and his future family,

(not necessarily in order or sequence but loosely that's the step by step break down)

1. He does not need the permission of parents to start looking for a girl
2. He himself finds the family / girl
3. He himself contacts the father / guardian of the girl for interest...he does not need to send his parents to girl's home
4. The guardian of the girl should arrange a meeting between the girl and the boy and he is supposed to supervise the meeting...He will sit at a suitable distance where both girl and boy feel comfortable but at the same time they know he is able to see them
5. If boy likes the girl, he will let the father / guardian of the girl know and ask for her hand.
6. The guardian will see if the character and the reputation of the boy is good and also if he is suitable for her..after that he will ask the girl if she liked him or not without employing any sort of pressure on her but he can guide her
7. If both girl and her guardian agree, the message is conveyed to the boy that it is ok and he should prepare for marriage
8. There is no demand of dowry etc from the boy or girl's side, though friends and family can give gifts to the newly married couple as per their happiness and convenience, no stress, no pressure.
9. The nikkah is done as per Islamic way and more people are encouraged to attend it so that it becomes well known in the community that this boy and this girl (through positive identities) have been married and
10. Boy arranges for the Walima ( food for guests after nikkah on the same day or on the next day)
11. The boy has to arrange a separate accommodation for this wife. He cannot force her to share his parents home

Now, role of boy's parents is very limited and it is not disrespect them but actually to make it realistic. In normal, traditional arranged marriages, the parents are selecting the girl, making the proposal and doing most the stuff while the boy is kept out of the scene until the marriage day or gets see her once or few times..but normally not allowed to talk. Furthermore, what parents and even sisters of the boy don't let us know is that when they are looking for girl, they look for someone who they are comfortable with, who is docile and will obey them while in Islam, the girl is not supposed to serve boy's parents, she can and it will be great for her but she is not bound to do that. In fact, she is not even bound to work for her husband more like the western concept of relationships. Though she has to be respectful and polite towards them. Furthermore, it is normally the boy's family that demands dowry in subcontinent (hindu culture), in Islamic marriage, the boy is supposed to provide for the basic articles for living i.e. home, basic furniture, car or mode of transportation etc ..
The girl / women is not treated like "a paon ki jooty" as is common (no offence) in hindu / subcontinent's culture, rather she is treated like an equal partner with suitable rights and responsibilities in the relationship.

These are a few things that just came to my mind, If you are interested in knowing more about it, you can search online.

I guess Islamic marriages are best suited for Muslim countries like Pakistan. Sad that Muslims are following more and more of western and hindu culture. So many times on TV I see Pakistani women without head scarf or just putting it for the sake of it rather than being dressed moderately. Best is niqab or burka but at least head scarf thing should be there.