UnitedPak
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I hope this is satire. Hilarious non the less.
NAKED LUNCH: Blow Daddy
By Nadeem F. Paracha
NAKED LUNCH: Blow Daddy -DAWN Images; January 04, 2009
NAKED LUNCH: Blow Daddy
By Nadeem F. Paracha
Daddy?
Yes, son.
Are we going to have a war with India?
Perhaps.
Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857!
It wasnt in 1857, son.
Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?
The British, son
And the Hindus too, right?
Well
Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?
No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before.
Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?
There was no Pakistan in those days, son.
But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!
Who have you been talking to, son?
No one. Ive just been watching TV.
It figures.
Daddy, why are all these people against us Arabs?
Arabs? But we arent Arabs, son.
Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs!
No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock.
Sub-what?
Never mind.You seem to like wars, son.
Yes. I like to watch them on TV.
But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.
Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?
Never mind.
Daddy, you look worried.
Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk!
Daddy! Why are you scolding me?
Because TV is talking rot and so are you!
Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?
No!
Daddy, have you become a kafir?
Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD.
Cant do that.
But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son.
Not any more.
What do you mean?
I burned them all.
What?!
I burned them all.
I heard that! But why?
They spread obscenity.
Oh, God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?
Its almost complete.
Good boy. What are you making?
A bomb.
What?!
A bomb.
I heard that! But why?
Because I am a true Muslim who hates America.
But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land.
Thats different.
How come?
Mickey Mouse is Muslim.
No, he isnt.
Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon.
On the moon?
Yes. Because the earth is flat and
What??
The earth is
I heard that!
Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not?
Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you.
No, she wont.
Really?
Yes. I plan to blow her up as well.
God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!
She cant come.
Why not?
Ive locked her in the kitchen.
But what for?
A womans place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up peoperly!
But shes your mother!
Shes also a woman!
So?
So she should be hidden.
Hidden from whom?
The whole world and Tony.
Tony?
Yes, Tony.
But Tonys a cat.
Yes. But hes male.
Son, have you gone mad?
No. By the way, Ive made sure Kitto starts covering up as well.
Kitto?
Yes, Kittto.
But Kittos a cat!
Yes. But a female cat.
But shell suffocate.
Oh, shes already dead.
What?
Shes already dead.
I heard that! But how?
I buried her alive.
You what?
Yes. To avenge Tonys honour. But now I will behead Tony.
But why?
To save moms honour!
Oh, God!
Dont say that. Always say Allah.
Whats the difference?
Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?
No!
Do you want to be stoned to death?
No!
Do you want to be flogged?
No!
Do you want to get your arms chopped off?
No!
Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I wont call you daddy anymore.
What will you call me then?
Whatever that is Arabic for daddy.
I dont know any Arabic, son.
Thats because you are a kafir.
Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!
Whats a fascist?
An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!
W... aaaaaaa...
Why are you crying?
You scolded me.
Okay, Im sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV.
I have no books.
Of course, you do. I bought you so many books.
I burned them.
What?
I burned them.
But why?
They were all in English.
So?
Its a non-Muslim language!
But we are speaking English, arent we?
W... aaaaaaa
What now?
Zionists made me forget my Arabic.
But you never knew any Arabic, son.
W... aaaa yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops aaaaa
Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour?
Sure, dad.
Can you blow up something for me?
Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...?
No, no, something a lot more sinister.
Mom?
No, no
What then?
The TV set!
What?
Blow the TV set.
I heard that! But why?
Just do it!
I see. Dad?
Yes.
Youre so unconstitutional!
NAKED LUNCH: Blow Daddy -DAWN Images; January 04, 2009
Cricket is a sport. Google will get you the answers a lot faster bro.
