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Dear General Peng Pong,
I write this letter to you from India - the largest democracy in the world. And given the strong suspicion in my mind about your paranoid government obfuscating our existence from you as well as billions of gullible Chinese citizens all along, let me inform you that we are your neighbors. We buy a lot of cheap plastic junk from your country, and after some minor processing, ship it to our backyard, i.e. Pakistan, for some profit. You see, the reason I'm writing you all these trivial details is because we, as a country, are a stakeholder in your country's well-being. It pains our collective conscious to read about all these atrocities that your bully government commits on the hard-working and innocent citizens like you. I mean, the heartless commie functionaries didn't even consider twice your decorated career - that I am sure must have spanned at least a few decades battling invisible monsters on the great wall of China - before pulling the rug from under your feet. The injustice saddens us immensely.
But as they say - there is a silver lining to every cloud. Yes, you guessed it right - we, the tolerant republic of India, are proud to offer you exciting and unmatchable career opportunities in our country. We believe that the deep experience and strategic acumen that you bring to the table cannot be overlooked. And to sweep away your trauma completely, we announce a 25 percent raise in your salary. And unlike your corrupt government that makes a sitting duck out of its respected generals every time a revolutionary group surfaces and strikes the incompetent establishment, you shall never encounter such a Kafkaesque absurdity in our graceful regime. To help you tilt your head completely to our proposal, let me add that your kids shall receive world-class education, boundless freedom, and democratic values in our liberal country. Now tell me - isn't that a reason to clap?
Please get in touch with our nearest embassy and the safety of your journey shall be taken care of.
Yours,
Chaman Lal
I would be grateful if any educated Chinese member can reply me the postal address of General Peng Pong so that this golden letter of hope and opportunities from India can reach him.
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