In Pakistan, the majority of marriages are still arranged. Before marriage; at best you are allowed to meet the girl in her house or go out in a group. Therefore please take a few moments to read about what you should look in your life partner from someone who has been married for nearly 50 years. This, however, represents a man’s view only.
Physical appearance; it is true that `beauty is skin deep but it is something that can keep a man happy and better able to overcome various household quarrels. However one must remember that even though appearance changes with age, but in your eyes, the wife should remain desirable for a long time.
Intelligence, education and demeanour. Need not be highly educated or highly intelligent but should have sufficient education and intelligence so that she does not make a fool of herself in a social gathering and be able to teach her children basics of hygiene and good manners.
In Pakistani environment; at least in my circle, the behaviour of wife’s family is important. Hence one should look for in-laws who have allowed her daughter to be become a separate ‘adult’ and run her household and raise her family without too much dependence on her mother.
Financial compatibility. I have found that because the wife came from a family with much higher wealth than the husband; many a couple either broke up or had an unhappy life primarily because the husband did not have the means to provide the wife with all the comforts she was used too. They say that love conquers all, but after a few years when the infatuation has worn out, and your wife’s friends are taking holidays abroad every year whereas all you can afford is an occasional trip to Murree; believe me, you would have serious marital problems.
Religion, ethnicity and country of origin. In a conservative family like mine, as long as she is a Muslim (Shia or Sunni does not matter) and speak the same language, the country is not important. For example, an Indian girl who is a Muslim or converts to Islam but otherwise has similar cultural values would fit in easily.
On the other hand, one of my friends married an Iranian; my own brother married an American, both had to emigrate out of Pakistan because the wife could not be integrated into the family of the husband. Therefore unless you want to settle abroad, I would not advise Chinese, Korean of a Japanese wife.
Sex again. A childhood friend of mine now deceased; admitted to me when I last visited him in Sargodha that his wife only consented to the straight sex in missionary position because any other way was against the religion;
therefore he had a sexually unfulfilled married life. The wife being his second cousin, divorce was considered out of the question. I don’t know about others, but such attitude of the wife would be unacceptable to me. Therefore, unless you are yourself similarly inclined; I would advise not to marry in an ultra-orthodox family.
By the way, I have worked in Kuwait as well as UAE for a number of years; I was told that most Arab women were far more cooperative than the woman I described above. I, therefore, understand that Islam as practised by the men that I was friendly with; allowed far more freedom in sex between husband and wife.
Finally, the above is based on my personal observations and therefore should not be interpreted in any other.
(I joke).
