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The partition of laughter
Im in India. Now that Im here I dont want to leave. Not because I love the masala dosas or because of the number of marriage proposals I constantly get from rickshaw drivers but because Im worried if I leave, Ill never be allowed back in.
It took me six months to get a visa to come and perform in India. The first time I rang the visa office in London and asked the woman, How long will it take to process?
She said normally it takes three to five working days for a tourist visa, or a business visa can be dispatched within a day.
I said, Ok great.
She said, Whats your name?
I said, Shazia Mirza.
She said, Oh!
There was a silence on the phone. I became worried, Had I insulted this woman at one of my gigs? Did she not like my comedy? Was I on the black list for India?
Youre Pakistani? She asked.
No, Im British.
Where are you from?
England.
Where are your parents from?
Pakistan.
That means youre Pakistani.
No, Im British, I have a British passport. I love bad weather, queuing and misery, Im definitely British.
My parents also have British passports and have not lived in Pakistan for 50 years.
Im afraid, Ms Mirza, you are Pakistani and I cant guarantee that youll get a visa. People of Pakistani heritage are not being allowed into the country under the normal procedure. At the moment I have a man whos been waiting a year to get into India because his parents are of Pakistani origin.
I reacted calmly and shouted, You prejudiced bigot. What are you talking about? Which is not like me at all, normally I would act very British and write a letter of complaint. But I was shocked at the blatant discrimination.
Im not coming to your country to set up a training camp; I just want to make your country laugh!
Im sorry but I dont make the rules, it is the Indian Government that has decided this.
Imagine if we applied this procedure to other parts of the world. Its like someone from the British government saying, Im sorry Madam, you cant come in because you parents are French.
But Im Mexican, I was born in Mexico.
But your parents are French, and they are renowned trouble makers so Im afraid youre not allowed in.
Im being punished for my parents nationality. Havent I been punished enough?
My mother was actually born in India before partition, her parents were killed in the war of Independence in 1947 by the Indians and theyre not letting me in? Maybe they think Im coming to take revenge and kill people with my obscene jokes.
She said, What is your occupation?
Comedian.
What?
A comedian.
Whats that?
You know, ha ha ha
She had never heard of the word comedian and was not letting me in because my parents were Pakistani Im not sure if India was the place for me.
My first show was in Pune, and when I told the audience about the difficulty in getting a visa, they roared with laughter. They thought it was a joke.
Later that night after the show, I was talking to an Indian woman who had a German husband and was shocked when I told her it had taken me six months to get a visa just because my parents were originally from Pakistan.
She said, My husband is German and they let him in no problem.
I explained to her that Hitler was now dead, but people seem to think he has been re-incarnated back as a Pakistani. Germany is not as scary as Pakistan anymore. She said, Really, are you serious? Is that why theyre not letting any of your people in?
My people? I dont own them; Im not even the leader. I dont represent anyone, and moreover, I dont think these people would want me to represent them. I just want to tell some jokes.
The shows have been great, the audiences wonderful. Men, women young, old, middle class, not-so middle class. Its been everyone, all up for a good laugh, everyone laughing at each other, no one individual group of people being attacked, no one offended. When I told friends I was going to India to perform they said, Youd better be careful people might be easily offended.
Why? Its not like Im smuggling the entire passport-less population of Pakistan in a cling filmed suitcase with me. The Indian people didnt treat me any differently because my parents are from Pakistan, they treated me just great.
Lets not judge a country by its Government, lets judge it by its people.
The author is an award winning stand-up comedian and writer. She has performed all over the world. A columnist for The Guardian UK, she was named Columnist of the Year at the prestigious PPA Awards.
Im in India. Now that Im here I dont want to leave. Not because I love the masala dosas or because of the number of marriage proposals I constantly get from rickshaw drivers but because Im worried if I leave, Ill never be allowed back in.
It took me six months to get a visa to come and perform in India. The first time I rang the visa office in London and asked the woman, How long will it take to process?
She said normally it takes three to five working days for a tourist visa, or a business visa can be dispatched within a day.
I said, Ok great.
She said, Whats your name?
I said, Shazia Mirza.
She said, Oh!
There was a silence on the phone. I became worried, Had I insulted this woman at one of my gigs? Did she not like my comedy? Was I on the black list for India?
Youre Pakistani? She asked.
No, Im British.
Where are you from?
England.
Where are your parents from?
Pakistan.
That means youre Pakistani.
No, Im British, I have a British passport. I love bad weather, queuing and misery, Im definitely British.
My parents also have British passports and have not lived in Pakistan for 50 years.
Im afraid, Ms Mirza, you are Pakistani and I cant guarantee that youll get a visa. People of Pakistani heritage are not being allowed into the country under the normal procedure. At the moment I have a man whos been waiting a year to get into India because his parents are of Pakistani origin.
I reacted calmly and shouted, You prejudiced bigot. What are you talking about? Which is not like me at all, normally I would act very British and write a letter of complaint. But I was shocked at the blatant discrimination.
Im not coming to your country to set up a training camp; I just want to make your country laugh!
Im sorry but I dont make the rules, it is the Indian Government that has decided this.
Imagine if we applied this procedure to other parts of the world. Its like someone from the British government saying, Im sorry Madam, you cant come in because you parents are French.
But Im Mexican, I was born in Mexico.
But your parents are French, and they are renowned trouble makers so Im afraid youre not allowed in.
Im being punished for my parents nationality. Havent I been punished enough?
My mother was actually born in India before partition, her parents were killed in the war of Independence in 1947 by the Indians and theyre not letting me in? Maybe they think Im coming to take revenge and kill people with my obscene jokes.
She said, What is your occupation?
Comedian.
What?
A comedian.
Whats that?
You know, ha ha ha
She had never heard of the word comedian and was not letting me in because my parents were Pakistani Im not sure if India was the place for me.
My first show was in Pune, and when I told the audience about the difficulty in getting a visa, they roared with laughter. They thought it was a joke.
Later that night after the show, I was talking to an Indian woman who had a German husband and was shocked when I told her it had taken me six months to get a visa just because my parents were originally from Pakistan.
She said, My husband is German and they let him in no problem.
I explained to her that Hitler was now dead, but people seem to think he has been re-incarnated back as a Pakistani. Germany is not as scary as Pakistan anymore. She said, Really, are you serious? Is that why theyre not letting any of your people in?
My people? I dont own them; Im not even the leader. I dont represent anyone, and moreover, I dont think these people would want me to represent them. I just want to tell some jokes.
The shows have been great, the audiences wonderful. Men, women young, old, middle class, not-so middle class. Its been everyone, all up for a good laugh, everyone laughing at each other, no one individual group of people being attacked, no one offended. When I told friends I was going to India to perform they said, Youd better be careful people might be easily offended.
Why? Its not like Im smuggling the entire passport-less population of Pakistan in a cling filmed suitcase with me. The Indian people didnt treat me any differently because my parents are from Pakistan, they treated me just great.
Lets not judge a country by its Government, lets judge it by its people.
The author is an award winning stand-up comedian and writer. She has performed all over the world. A columnist for The Guardian UK, she was named Columnist of the Year at the prestigious PPA Awards.
