Shantanu Cafe

[achhu]

First of all, I am feeling so embarrassed about having an exclusive thread on me. It's cringeworthy. @LeGenD

But I'm happy to answer any genuine queries. I hope I can satisfy all of them quickly and this so-called "Shantanu Cafe" shuts down for good.



You have captured everything here with almost near accuracy. My parents had a tumultuous marriage (I have no idea how the hell they ever "fell in love" ). I was mostly raised by my mother in Mumbai, and my Nani was around during my formative years. My father's side of the family had less role in my upbringing.

But my father did took good care of me. He sponsored my education and expenses. I was his eldest child, and a favorite until I grew up. Also I wanted to be closer to him. But the money stopped coming after I grew up, and the finances were dry. My mother had to pawn her jewellery to send me abroad for education.

Moreover my father had a second marriage after my mother which was illegal. But the children of his second wife always got more attention. I tried to get along with my step-siblings. They're fine with me however they dislike my mother, but I don't dislike theirs.

None of this matters anymore because my father just took another woman 30 something years his junior. He's 78, so that woman should be 8-10 years older than me. In short, my home environment has always been screwed up. My dad's extra-marital affairs were always a point of problem with my mother. It was hell to be raised in that environment sometimes. I would come home to get bullied everyday by both of them. As an only child, I developed teenage angst, started smoking cigarettes at age 12. I am still an angry individual because of the abuse I experienced during childhood.

My mother took a partner as well temporarily but I hated him. She was respectful of my feelings, and got rid of that man. However, I believe I acted selfishly in my early youth. I should have been more respectful of her desires. Now that I haven't been staying with her for years, it's inconsiderate of me. Even when I go to India, I visit her briefly.

My mother is involved in social work so that helps her lead a good life, I believe.

I got married in 2010. Currently I'm separated from my Indian wife, although we're both living in Singapore. I decided not to have any kids (lol) after witnessing my own f****d up childhood.

So that's in a nutshell: me.



No problem about the rude bunch...I just got pissed they moved my points as off-topic rants but it's another day. Welcome to Shantanu Cafe, and it's good people have replied!! I just need to steer clear of 2-3 posters here, and it will be fine.

Re: your query. Mixed religion/interfaith marriages are pretty common in India. Hindus marrying Muslims, Christians marrying Parsis...yes, people are judgmental even over here. But there are generally no problems.

Many decades ago, when my Nani married my Nana, it was obviously progressive for her time. She used to work, had a proper education..she might have encountered resistance in her family but I had never learned much about it. I visited Kashmir only once as a child (her native is in a place which was called "Islamabad") and all her family members were extremely doting of me.

My Nani remained a committed Muslim throughout her life (she died in 2008 and had a Muslim burial). My mother was raised a Muslim but she became non-practicing when she grew up for other reasons. She was a society girl and used to hang out with modelling agencies (and tried to work in show-biz as well). She drank alcohol, and smoked cigarettes. Only urban women in India would do that. Nowadays it's much more common...a lot of women in India have started smoking and drinking. My mother's reasons for being less religious is slightly personal, and she has raised me with those values. At certain age in her youth, she completely lost faith in God. Right now, I have been told she's trying to make her peace with the Creator etc.

My dad never interfered with her choice of being a more religious Muslim, or someone with other values. He isn't much religious himself but wanted to raise me as a proper Hindu. It never worked....because I was discriminated against by the religious Hindus in his family. I don't have a "gotra" which is essential for all Hindu males. I just have a Hindu name and surname to be used as a passport of sort. In India, it does give you more privilege. Especially in 'Modi's India."

It might sound unusual to someone like you raised in a traditional Muslim family, but there are many such mixed interfaith families in urban India. Each has its own story. There is no conversion required in many interfaith marriages in India.

Hope that satisfies your query.



Arey bhai jan. Mai kya karoo iss Moderator nay mujay phansaa diya ye thread khol kar.

Why the hell would anyone need to know the life story of Internet stranger? But I get it....public ki farmaish ho to disappoint nahi karna chahiye

If we ever meet, I will get you your favorite Scotch....promise



Thanks. But such a mixed environment is very common..I am sure in UK, India definitely. Pakistan I can understand is a traditional society.

Oh, I have no reservations about the Quran. My Nani remained a pakka Muslim although she had married a Hindu. She made me read that stuff, and forced my mother to give me an Urdu education in childhood. Had my Nani had her way, I would have ended up as a Muslim religious scholar or something.

I have reservations about the very concept of God and religion....something I inherited from my mother. Read above for complete details.

We'll keep that kind of discussion for some other time.

---

All right people, see you some other time.

brave man

 

[Joe Shearer]

I have very rarely been invited to any Hindu religion functions on my father's side of the family.

I am sorry to hear that they were so exceptionally ill-mannered. Even in the worst feuding families, I have never seen this neglected or omitted.

 

[Joe Shearer]

Enjoy this thread. It seems "Shantanu's Cafe" is the new "adda" point. No role of mine, it is a certain moderator with a cheeky sense of humour....meri izat ucchal nay kay lie ye joke kia usnay.

On the contrary - I think he was very generous and understood your need for a space of your own. I know you are probably making light of it due to embarrassment, but it was a good gesture made, and a very nice thing to do. I hope your cafe goes on forever.

 

[achhu]

Jo log daru meat or khany peeny ki cheezy nhi khaty peety wo dharti per kiyoo ayee hain ? Boojh hai dharti per . just few years we all will die and out itoms became part of nature . Sun will burn down his energy and life will be finished .then why not we enjoy our time ?

aise log jo daru nahi pite meat nahi khate unki dono dunia bekar samjho .

 

[Shantanu_Left]

@Imran Khan

Where are you lost? Apko meri bat buri lag gayi kya....that example was meant for me, not you.

See you in this thread. Ap meray abba say better insan ho...

Cheers

 

[achhu]

I am still confused. What is/was your father's gotra?

every hindu has some gotra , he must have got his .

 

[Shantanu_Left]

I am still confused. What is/was your father's gotra?

Leave this gotra fotra business. I am no more Hindu than you are Chinese.

I have never felt connected to my father's side of the family. That is the main point.

 

[achhu]

Leave this gotra fotra business. I am no more Hindu than you are Chinese.

I have never felt connected to my father's side of the family. That is the main point.

whatever you say , but as per hindu traditions you are hindu , because hindu according to hindu marriage wife becomes of the same gotra which husband belongs to.son inherits gotra from his father .

 

[Shantanu_Left]

whatever you say , but as per hindu traditions you are hindu , because hindu according to hindu marriage wife becomes of the same gotra which husband belongs to.son inherits gotra from his father .

It is not always tradition but many other factors that come into play in dysfunctional family set-ups.

 

[Mad Scientist 2.0]

For some reason, many Indian boys of today's generation don't touch alcohol or cigarettes. I have seen this in India. Of course, there are many who do but it's not like before.

Mera generation shayd last thaa jo cigarette sharaab khullam khulla peeta tha. I started cigs at age 12, but tha was because of my father and mother. Both used to smoke and drink in my presence.

But many Indian boys who were my friends also used to smoke and drink. And their family environment was better than mine.

Aj kal kay India may, young larkian zada smoke aur drink karti hai particularly in big cities.

I can vouch for that. I myself don' drink or smoke as of now. Many of my friends are like that. Infact when I join my friends who drinks I gleefully take away their "chana" "makhna" or any good items they eat with alcohol .

 

[achhu]

It is not always tradition but many other factors that come into play in dysfunctional family set-ups.

yes it happens when husband marries more than one wife , problems starts even if both wives are from same religion , then background and financial condition of relatives of both wives becomes important.
you can find many examples from history of rajsthan princes where palace politics run around wives of the king .

 

[TheGreatMaratha]

Tum logon ka wo bawa @padamchen Un-ban ho gaya phir?

Ye bawa kya hota hai.

Unhy bolo meray say panga nahi lenay ka warna phr ban karwa doonga...2 times is enough.. He can enjoy this forum and even this thread as much as he want.....bas.panga nahi lena beedu

Lol you consider yourself some kind of a don here?
And I don't control what others say.

 

[PakFactor]

I can vouch for that. I myself don' drink or smoke as of now. Many of my friends are like that. Infact when I join my friends who drinks I gleefully take away their "chana" "makhna" or any good items they eat with alcohol .

Lol. Silent robbery.

 

[Imran Khan]

aise log jo daru nahi pite meat nahi khate unki dono dunia bekar samjho .

Haan yaar ji ke kya ukhar lita

 

[Imran Khan]

@Imran Khan

Where are you lost? Apko meri bat buri lag gayi kya....that example was meant for me, not you.

See you in this thread. Ap meray abba say better insan ho...

Cheers

Bhai jan mijhy or bhi kam hoty hain life main pdf ke ilawa