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RSS Wants You To Put Cow Dung On Your Phone Because ‘Gau Mata’ Is Greater Than Technology
By
Yash Kasotia -
August 7, 2016
India is a rapidly developing nation. This rate of growth would not have been possible without the presence of RSS. (Some people believe we would be growing at a faster rate but no one cares about those people)
Every country has a conservative conscience keeper that no one asks for. The US has the Ku Klux Klan, The Great Britain has racists and India has RSS.
Broadly, RSS reflects an old world ideology that may or may not align with the modern world technology. But that’s not because RSS doesn’t understand technology, it’s because technology doesn’t understand RSS.
RSS Troops playing “Naag” by Jazzy B. Image Source:
KhabarExpress
Now, RSS has its own way to understand technology (the word “understand” in this context can have multiple meanings, “hate” being the most preferred one)
A device that causes rape can not and should not remain gobar-free.
And hence, RSS’s Akhil Bharatiya Gau Sewa pramukh, Sh. Shankar Lal (who is an extremely logical man) suggested putting a dab of cow dung on mobile phones to protect ourselves from harmful radiation.
He took out his phone to show exactly how to put the cow dung on mobile phones.
Shankar Lal saying “that’s how it’s done, bitches” with his eyes. Image source:
Indian Express.
The journalists present at the event reflected back on their lives and asked a question they never thought they would have to ask.
Why do you have gobar on your phone?
“It is fresh cow dung. I have put it to save myself from the harmful radiations of the cellphone. It works, believe me.”
The brave journalist then dove into hardcore journalism by asking hard-hitting questions about mobile phone covers.
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Do you keep applying fresh cow dung, like people change phone covers?
“Cow is our mother. Its excreta and urine are nectar and have power to save humans from any disease. If cow dung can treat cancer, why can’t it save us from a phone’s microwaves? Haven’t you heard that Junagadh scientists (in Gujarat) have found gold in cow’s urine (they found traces of it)? I put fresh gobar every week.”
But the biased journalist was having none of it and asked Shri Shankar Lal to give a proof of his claims.
Can you prove that cow dung can block “harmful phone waves”?
“See this pendulum. See how when I place it over the hand of this RSS worker, it starts swinging (he gives it an initial jerk). Look, this man’s body has so much energy and the pendulum is swinging because of that. Now, when this man holds a phone in his hand, the pendulum won’t move. This is because the phone’s harmful waves have sucked all his energy. Now, let him hold a phone with cow dung on it, and hold this pendulum over his hand. See, it’s moving again… His energy is saved!”
Sh. Shankar Lal ji after laying the Smackdown on the journalist.
As expected, the journalist was nowhere to be found after the display of mad science skills by Shri Shankar Lal.
An eye-witness from the event said that the journalist was busy protecting her phone from being dipped in cow dung by the volunteers.
You can read the full interview
here.
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Holy cow!!!!!!!!!
