Rahul baba: Mummy G, is the party really over? | Times of India Blogs
Rumour has it, Rahul met his core team for a postmortem after the bloodshed, and this is what he said: “Guys…this is like seriously embarrassing… know what I mean? We have been, like…thrashed! Mummy is really, really angry. You saw her expression at that dumb press conference after our defeat, right? She gave me hell for smiling at the cameras ! Man! Like what was I supposed to do? CRY???? Oops. Wrong word. Damn! Actually, I should have cried, and beaten him to it! Instead, I smiled! Smiling is good, dude. It shows you are cool with stuff. I mean, come on! Shit happens, you know! I told mummy that, and she stopped talking to me. I was all set with my speech (same one, yaar…woh women’s empowerment wallah speech). But she literally dragged me away from those mikes. The people of India had a right to know where and why we had failed. I wanted to be upfront and honest, admit we had screwed up big time. But mummy said if we confess we screwed up, we’ll be admitting it was all our fault…when it really wasn’t. Mummy is so right. Mummy and I tried our best. And then we got in Priyanka! That should have been enough. Mummy had said there’s nothing to worry about… we were winning for sure. I believed mummy. I had ordered paper buntings, cake and everything for the celebrations at the party headquarters. I wanted to host a tea party. Everybody screamed, “No chai!” Mummy’s friends (of course, she has friends, dude!) said we should ban chai forever.
God knows what happened. I think it’s all the ad agency’s fault. I knew they were making a mistake when they used a picture of me with my arms folded. I mean, that’s sooooo not me, dude! I am a chilled out leader, the image should have been equally chilled out… like, relaxed and cool. We paid 600 crores to promote…err…ME! And look what those idiots did with the campaign. Had that photograph been different, we would have definitely swept in every state. I have decided to change my wardrobe to rainbow colours and cut the sleeves of all my kurtas.
See how cleverly those guys — the ones who won — did it: One man, one message. We had too many people interfering. On top of that mummy kept all the controls in her hand. Forget keeping Manmohanji in the dark, half the time she didn’t tell even me what was going on. That’s how we landed in this mess. I kept telling mummy what I told the press, “Politics is everywhere… it is in your shirt… in your pants… everywhere!” She told me she didn’t wear shirts and pants, only sarees. I was actually referring to women’s empowerment when I said all that. Amazing most people didn’t get it! Like nobody got my ‘India is a beehive’ comment either. I am telling you, had those copywriters used my ideas and projected India as a beehive, with mummy as the queen bee, we would have won hands down.
Boss, it’s okay if we lost. I told mummy, “Acchey din aane wale hai,” and she asked me to shut up. This is the time to…what is that big word…introspect. Haan. We have to ask questions and get answers. Mummy always asks herself questions and then answers them herself. Like she did when the resignation issue came up. Dude, we offered to quit! Mummy said, we should at least offer! After all, we had to take responsibility and all that. But nobody wanted us to go! They need us, dude! We totally get it. And we are ready to lead again. It is our duty, dude.
You were asking whether I watched Modi’s speech. Yeah man. Of course, I watched it. See, the thing is he cried. That’s the main thing. He cried. I think that was pretty awesome. Even I started crying. Then mummy glared at me and I had to stop. I admit it was a good speech but he did borrow heavily from my speeches! He also talked about empowering women. I was like, ‘Bro, those are my lines, do you mind?” But it’s cool. Politics is like that…I keep telling mummy not to take the defeat so personally. We will see how these new guys perform in Parliament. Of course, we will do our best and keep an eye on Modi’s team. I guess all debates will be in full on Hindi from now. I am worried about what will happen to our party people from Oxbridge and other posh universities. Mummy says forget all those fellows and look for a Gujarati tutor. Mummy is right.
Meanwhile, we both need a good translator to tell us what the hell Modi said that day that made India cry.
Hi guys , I had a great laugh reading this piece from Shobhaa De
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