Eavesdrop #1: Two journos laughing at 102nd Indian Science Congress
Mumbai: We, at FakingNews, are bored of reporting news from sources and reliable sources. So, to have some fun and thrill, we have decided to eavesdrop people chatting (who might turn into sources anytime) and present it to our readers. As a first of this initiative, we caught two journalists mocking the 102nd Indian Science Congress during its first one hour in all five days. Both of them didn’t knew our existence in the five days of ISC:
Jan 3, 2015:
Man: What were we talking about?
Woman: About the funny topics being discussed in this Congress. These Sanghis as usual are going to give lectures about ancient Indian contribution.
M: When is that?
W: Dunno. I heard it from news.
Let us go through today’s schedule. First ISRO guy talking about Mars Mission. Well, it was feat started by Soniaji and so this has got nothing to do with Modi.
M: Hmm! But he is selling it to the world as though he designed the engine.
W(
laughs): A lecture from someone about Nanotechnology in China, followed by Natural Hazard study in Russia. After that, all are Hindu names. But talking about Entropy and other topics. Will be too boring. Too scientific. Why don’t they talk about Vedic science.. Hahaha!
M: Today evening, that DRDO guy Avinash is talking. We might get some controversial statements there.
W: Look here. One Sabeeha Merchant is talking about Feku.
M: What? Interesting. Must be something related to 2002 riots. Will be a better scoop for us.
W: No! Disappointment! Aarghh.. She is talking about Fe and Cu accumulation in Chlamydomonas.
M: Look here, that Bangladeshi Nobel Prize winner is also giving lecture today evening. So no sanskrit and vedas stuffs today?
W: Yes.
The journos disposed this brochure for
Women Science Congress to make sure that nobody is told of such an event happening there in Mumbai.
M: What the hell?!? We thought it will be there for all days and we can get more TRPs.
Chalo! Let me go for a movie.
W: I’m meeting with my guy. Let us be here tomorrow same time same place.
Jan 4, 2015:
M: Hey hi! What’s up for today?
W: Koreans talking about science. And then stress tolerance in plants. Funny no? Why are plants going to have stress?
M: May be they are having Blood Pressure. Who knows? What next?
W: Science and Technology in SAARC countries. Someone from Texas and bunch of Hindu names giving lecture on Nutrition.
M: What nutrition? What our sages ate huh?
W: No! They seem to be real scientists. Nuclear spins, quantum, spectroscopy. See here, they are showing LEGO movie.
M: That is LIGO. Might be some derivative of Linga by some Hindu guy.Look at this clown. Chemistry with Computer. Romancing with computer ah? Who is giving this speech? Walter Thiel of Germany. Oops! Sorry, must be brilliant scientist.
M(gets up and shouts): Aaha! Yoohoo! See this schedule. Four hours in Sports Complex – Ancient Sciences through Sanskrit. Four weeks for our TRPs and debates. Neuro sciences of Yoga? Who is doing Yoga these days?
W: Haha! Aviation and Surgery in ancient India. We should not miss this. But none of the presenters are scientists. How are we going to convince our readers about saffronisation of science?
M:
Arrey yaar! Are people going to research on this by going to
www.isc102.in and read the schedule? If we write “scientists” were forced by RSS to talk about Ancient Sanskrit, they are going to believe and outrage. So, let us pay our full attention there and leave.
Both leave the place.
Jan 5, 2015:
W: Wow! It was like dream come true for me. My first reporting experience yesterday and it turned out to be amazing. We had such a gala time trolling Sanghis and bashing Modi in our studios.
M: Yeah! Even my boss promised me a pay rise for this biggest report on flying planes in vedas. He was furious the day before for reporting on Entropy, but yesterday he gave me a trophy. He told me to get more such “Ancient India” news in the next three days.
W: Let me look at schedule. Biodiversity, Tribal Health, Health & Development, Atomic Energy lecture by a Bigot.
M: RSS guy?
W: No! The guy’s name is Bernard Bigot. Space science. Internet. GM Crops. Hold on! RSS might oppose GM crops. We can check-in there and wait for some
chaddi breaking into the arena.
Both leave the place.
Jan 6, 2015:
W: Nothing happened at GM sessions yesterday. They were showing some slides and I dozed off.
M: Even my boss didn’t talk to me yesterday after I told him what happened here.
W: Let me hope that something good happens today. Dynamic Earth, Climate Change, Agriculture, clean energy, urban development, Marine, High energy physics. (
throws away the schedule paper in disgust)
M:
Chalo! I’m leaving for a booze trip. Will make up some crap from Wikipedia based on topics covered today and will pass it as news.
W: Do you think they will even cover it in tomorrow’s edition?
M: Who cares?!?!
Both leave the place.
Jan 7, 2015:
M: I’m leaving right now. All my hopes are lost.
W: Let us give a last try
na.
M: Okay! Tissue, Cancer Biology and Environmental. That’s it.
W: What are we going to do now?
M: Don’t worry. Already, all opinion columnists and intellectuals have started trolling BJP for the Jan 4 session. I think that is enough. Who the hell cares about hundreds of other sessions by leading scientists, when we have 5 talk sessions that was taken by non-scientists that is enough to brand this whole Science Congress as regressive?
W: Sshh! I feel like someone is stalking us. I always had a feeling that, these two guys with headphones were sitting behind us everyday. Didn’t u notice that?
We disappeared from the place, before they could catch us.
Eavesdrop #1: Two journos laughing at 102nd Indian Science Congress | My Faking News
