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My imam father came after me with an axe

Female Infanticide Linked to Increase in Forced Marriages in India



The Toronto Star has published an article reporting that widespread female infanticide has led to a dearth of marriageable women in India, which social workers say is causing an increase in forced marriages. Although there are no statistics available on the forced marriage trend, the prevalence of female infanticide is well-documented. The Lancet, a British medical journal, has estimated that half a million abortions due to female gender occur annually in India. The 2001 census of India showed a national average of 927 girls for every 1,000 boys, and the ratios in some states were even more disproportionate.

Indian NGOs have collected numerous anecdotes of young women traveling to distant regions to marry men whose language and culture are unfamiliar to them, and who would otherwise have difficulty finding partners. Once they arrive, the women experience loneliness and culture shock. Their forced marriages are often intended to ease the financial burdens on their families by allowing them to avoid payment of a dowry. While many marriages are arranged through personal ties, other women are sold at auction by traffickers.

stopVAW -- Female Infanticide Linked to Increase in Forced Marriages in India
 
Brit Indian says that forced marriage led to her sister’s suicide

Jasvinder Sanghera said her sister Robina was driven to suicide after she was told that she could not leave her husband because her family would be ashamed.

When her sister killed herself, Sanghera was on the run from home because she had refused to marry a man her parents had lined up for her from the age of eight.

She told the EU Forced Marriages Conference in central London that she still held her parents accountable for the death of Robina.

She was taken out of school at the age of 15, forced to marry, and then had to move to Germany with her husband.

But at the age of 24 she sought help, Ms Sanghera said. She told delegates at Lancaster House: “She suffered horrific abuse in her marriage - physical, mental abuse.

“I begged her to leave her partner, but she said to me: ‘It’s OK for you to say that but you don’t have the authority because you are disowned,” The Telegraph quoted Jasvinder, as saying.

“She was right. The people who could make the difference were my parents, family and community leaders. That’s where she went and they sent her back, saying she should make the marriage work.

“Was she driven to commit suicide? I would say so. She set herself on fire and suffered 80 per cent burns. I still hold people accountable for her death.”

Ms Sanghera, 42, whose family is originally from the Punjab in India, told the conference that South Asian women in Britain had a suicide rate two to three times above average.

She said statistics showed there were now 12 so-called “honour killings” every year.

Her own family disowned her after she refused to marry the man they chose and she ran away from home.

She said: “I rang my mother and the response I never expected to hear is the response hundreds of girls are hearing today. That was to tell me that I was the perpetrator. In their eyes I was dead.”

Her younger sister then had to marry the man chosen for her so the agreement was honoured, Sanghera said.

She has since married and divorced twice and has three children. But her family still crosses the road to avoid her.

Sanghera now directs the Karma Nirvana support group, which helps young men and women in similar situations. (ANI)

Brit Indian says that forced marriage led to her sister’s suicide
 
I just want to clear to all my Pakistani friends that this story is not only her's but hundreds of british-pak girls[except the incest part]. i presume every body has seen movie " khuda ke liye". She stood for what she couldn't bear further.

I wonder that Pakistani-British citizens are educated still they are so rigid towards their Islamic faith. They are so worried about "din" of their daughters they send them to Pakistan to marry at the of age around 10- 15.i can't imagine if brit-pak people do it then what will the level of fundamentalism in Pakistan.PoliGazette Nine Year Old British Girl Saved From Forced Marriage


British girl 'rescued on way to forced marriage' in Bangladesh - Telegraph


33 missing British girls in forced marriages abroad


Some Britain-Born Pakistani Women Forcibly Married


Daily Times - Leading News Resource of Pakistan

I agree with you, on the forced marriage it is a big issue, but the thing is her story seems fake, especially the incest part, that she decided to run away when she was going to get a arranged marriage, but not when she was getting abused.

"He is also an incestuous child abuser, repeatedly raping his daughter from the age of five until she was 15, ostensibly as part of her punishment for being “disobedient”. At the age of 16 she fled her family to avoid the forced marriage they had planned for her in Pakistan. A much, much greater affront to “honour” in her family’s eyes, however, was the fact that she then became a Christian – an apostate. The Koran is explicit that apostasy is punishable by death; thus it was that her father the imam led a 40-strong gang – in the middle of a British city – to find and kill her."

In a middle of a british city, 40 men with sticks and axes.... sounds too good to be true. Yet she did not call the police when they were outside her house.
 
Wife pays the price for forced marriage

BANGALORE: Software engineer S. Manoj Kumar was forced by his family into an arranged marriage although he was involved with someone else. Three months into the marriage, his bride, Lakshmi, also a software engineer, had to pay the ultimate price. She was beaten to death. And the suspected killer: her husband. The two were working in the same company.

On Thursday, the HAL Airport police took Manoj Kumar into custody as they found inconsistencies in his version of events. The police said he broke down during interrogation and confessed to the murder. On November 7, Kumar, a resident of Vinayak Nagar near HAL Airport, lodged a complaint with the police that when he came home from work he found his wife Lakshmi murdered and that jewellery estimated at Rs. 30,000 was missing. The police initially suspected murder for gain.

During routine questioning of Kumar’s colleagues, the police came upon leading facts. Kumar had apparently reached office at 9 a.m. that morning, gone home in the afternoon and not returned to work. “We found this suspicious,” city Police Commissioner Shankar M. Bidari told presspersons here.

According to the police, Kumar confessed to a relationship with a resident of C.V. Raman Nagar, which he continued even after marriage, and that he had married Lakshmi on being pressured by his family because his girlfriend was of a different caste.

On November 7, according to his confession, Kumar threw chilli powder on Lakshmi’s face. When she turned around to wash it, he put on his gloves and bludgeoned her on the back of the head with an iron rod. “Manoj Kumar removed her gold chain, bracelets and earrings and hid them along with the iron rod and gloves in Ejipura,” Mr. Bidari said. The police have recovered the gold ornaments and the iron rod.

The Hindu : Front Page : Wife pays the price for forced marriage
 
Kharian i appreciate your effort, but lets not start another flame war.
 
I'm being forced into marriage in India. Please help!!

My parents have arranged a marriage with someone I really do not want to be with. He is 17yrs older than me, short, balding, overweight, unattractive and the few times I have been forced to sit with him I found him to have bad hygiene! I know people have said to me that loves comes in time but even the thought of this man laying next to me in bed or even having to have sex with him makes me feel to throw up!

I have tried speaking to my parents about the fact that I do not want to marry this guy. The first time my father said something along the lines that he would prefer for me to be dead than for me to bring disrespect and shame on the family by refusing now that it is being arranged and planned. The second time it ended with a big argument and my father hitting me. So I know no matter what I do or say, my parents will not change their minds - and all I can do is watch helplessly as they arrange to have me married off to this disgusting man.

My culture in India is not like western life - girls here do as they are told by their parents and I can not move out of home like in the West and get my own place. Girls do not do this and those who do this are normally shunned by soceity and have a bad label attached to them and their lives become very difficult as soceity treats them badly and they can be targetted so that is NOT an option. I can not run away because there is no where or no one to run to. I can not leave the country because of visa restrictions, I do not even have a passport and can never afford it and I do not fall under the label of asylum as my life is not under threat as such. I have no one to speak to about this because all of my friends and family do not understand and think I am being difficult. This guy has a good status and he is of the right caste and he is very successful and wealthy so people see it as a good prospect. But I do not want to be marrieed to him, I can not stand him and I know in my heart I could never ever grow to love this man. Spending 5mins alone around him makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I am also educated and have been going to university. I had hoped for when I finish to have a job but my soon to be husband wants me to stop unversity and not have a job. It seems all my dreams and efforts have been wasted. And I do not want to just stay home and have babies!

I do not know what to do - I have no one to turn to. No one is listening to me and I have no choice in the matter; believe me! I feel I would sooner be dead than to spend the rest of my life with this man! And I know there is no way I could ever grow to love or be attracted to him! Things in India are very very different to the Western life and caste systems etc are very important. I dont know if I am even wasting my time posting on here because people in the West may not be able to identify or understand how these things and our culture works. But I am at the stage I feel no one else will listen to me so why not post on a western site. Thanks all for listening

I'm being forced into marriage in India. Please help!! - relationship advice
 
I just want to clear to all my Pakistani friends that this story is not only her's but hundreds of british-pak girls[except the incest part]. i presume every body has seen movie " khuda ke liye". She stood for what she couldn't bear further.

I wonder that Pakistani-British citizens are educated still they are so rigid towards their Islamic faith. They are so worried about "din" of their daughters they send them to Pakistan to marry at the of age around 10- 15.i can't imagine if brit-pak people do it then what will the level of fundamentalism in Pakistan.PoliGazette Nine Year Old British Girl Saved From Forced Marriage


British girl 'rescued on way to forced marriage' in Bangladesh - Telegraph


33 missing British girls in forced marriages abroad


Some Britain-Born Pakistani Women Forcibly Married


Daily Times - Leading News Resource of Pakistan

I just want to say one thing.Forced marriage is from our "sub-continental" culture and so it does not mean Islam says to do such way.You will find forced marriages of young girls even in India,as you will find in Pakistan and Bangladesh.This is just a bad culture that needs to be changed.
But I just don't understand why Islam comes into it?
When a Christian takes a gun and goes for a killing spree in a school,do we blame Christianity?NO.

But unfortunately Islam bashing sells well.
 
I just want to clear to all my Pakistani friends that this story is not only her's but hundreds of british-pak girls[except the incest part]. i presume every body has seen movie " khuda ke liye". She stood for what she couldn't bear further.

I wonder that Pakistani-British citizens are educated still they are so rigid towards their Islamic faith. They are so worried about "din" of their daughters they send them to Pakistan to marry at the of age around 10- 15.i can't imagine if brit-pak people do it then what will the level of fundamentalism in Pakistan.PoliGazette Nine Year Old British Girl Saved From Forced Marriage


British girl 'rescued on way to forced marriage' in Bangladesh - Telegraph


33 missing British girls in forced marriages abroad


Some Britain-Born Pakistani Women Forcibly Married


Daily Times - Leading News Resource of Pakistan

Now you're twisting the content and going off-topic.

Since when are forced marriages the equivalent of rape, and since when were forced marriages restricted within Pakistani communities (the definition of "forced" in this case is very vague, and could apply universally to an extent). They are equally common within Indian communities. Here are examples Hindus and Sikh going through forced marriages, rape, incest, and whatever.

The survivors of forced marriages tell their stories | World news | The Observer

Stop being such a rabid Hindu fanatic before you get banned.
 
Its a well known problem of forced marriage in south asia. Child marriage being bigger issue. Which just tells the white skin people how bloody idiots exist in these part of world. And they can just chew on it for long time.
any ways pakistan and india we are sailing in same boat - of extremism at certain level. we face almost same problem in our social hierarchy may be one face more than other in some cases. But is not the argument.
Here this girl face this problem. of being raped by her own father And forced marriage. And almost all of us agree incest happens in all religion and all countries may be in eupropean countries more than our south asia.

As for forced marriage its the problem of this region! Instead of living in denial take the bull by his horn. Face the problem , we might be able to solve it.
For all those people who think this girl : changed her religion: and putting blame on Islam.
Brothers: when this kind of shyt happens to somebody they loose hope in them selve let apart the religion. she might be doing wrong by puttign the blame on religion but Its she have lost trust in this world. I think many girl dont even have courage to face it. she at least fighting it. so lets respect her fighting spirit and forgive her for her mistake. and support her for whats right!
 
With this question you are also discussing the concept of consent especially with regard to marriage. Actually, this has been one of the issues that explain clearly the status of women in Islam, since those who maintain that Islam discriminates against women use this point to validate their argument that marriage in Islam is an arranged relationship and women are the victims of this "impromptu marriage" since it implies, according to them, dragging a female into a contract without her consent.



So, the points I want to clarify here are: To what extent does Islam allow a one-to-one relationship between males and females? And, if there are certain requirements for a marriage to be Islamic, does that make all Islamic marriages arranged relationships devoid of consent and love, and therefore fragile?



Though in regulating social relationships, Islam lays a great emphasis on decency and exhorts its adherents to steer clear of obscenity and lewdness, it does not prevent them from getting to know one another, sharing resources and possibly proposing marriage. This takes place in different kinds of social settings like a coeducational setting and a work setting.



Thus in Islam, males and females are allowed to socialize and interact with one another as long as they do not deviate from taqwa (piety and fear of Allah) which guides every action and relation in Islam, be it among Muslims or between Muslims and non-Muslims. Taqwa is the yardstick for us to explain the difference between an Islamic relationship and a non-Islamic one, and it serves as the basis for the choice of a partner in Islam.



Since it is illogical for two people to be thrown together without knowing anything about each other and be expected to successfully relate and intimate, Islam recommends that the suitors see each other before going through with marriage; not only that, they are also allowed to look at each other to be sure of what attracts them to each other.



But the point here is that with taqwa the above-mentioned ruling is not absolute, thus making an Islamic relationship different from a non-Islamic one. Allowing the couple to see each other is by no means a call towards establishing a free-style courtship whereby the couple spend time together privately and get to know each other in a very deep way that leads to pre-marital affairs and illicit sexual intercourse, which we all know the consequence of. Even the act of looking at each other should not be a lustful one, for the basic rule that governs the male-female interaction and intermingling in Islam is "lowering the gaze," another demonstration of taqwa.



As regards the concept of consent, it is very essential in the Islamic marriage. It should not occur to us that Islam pays less attention to this point. Not at all. So according to your question, the fact that Islam puts certain moral restrictions on male-female interaction does not rule out consent from the integral parts of marriage. When a girl reported that her father had forced her to marry without her consent, the Prophet (peace be upon him) gave her the choice, either to accept the marriage or to choose to invalidate it. (Ahmad)

This hadith is enough proof that Islam does not approve of the practice whereby two people are thrown into marriage without their consent. In another version of this hadith, the girl said "Actually I accept this marriage but I wanted to let women know that parents have no right (to force a husband on them.)" (Ibn Majah)

In another hadith, the Prophet made clear that ladies should not be married without being consulted first. Abu Hurairah quoted the Prophet as saying, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." (Al-Bukhari)

So the notion of "arranged marriage" that you referred to in your question is by no means a tool of discriminating against women or forcing them into building a matrimonial home not of their choice. Though I am not saying here that such practice does not exist; it does, both in Muslim countries and non-Muslim countries. What I am trying to say here is, according to the teachings of Islam, the female has the right to have a say in marriage proposals she receives. So if by the phrase "without the marriage been arranged" you mean marrying a female without her consent, I would say that Islam does not approve of that, and if it happens, the female has the right to annul the marriage, as we have learned from the aforementioned hadith.

A main objective of the Islamic type of an "arranged marriage" is to have the family involved in the choice of a marriage partner, and there is no doubt that this helps a lot in strengthening the marriage, for this certainly gives an indication that with the involvement of the family in this case, the choice of a partner is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.

The last point I want to wrap up my answer with is love and its role in Islamic marriages. Without going into too many details, for this needs a separate handling, I would just say that the concept of love in Islam is completely unique: It is based on the same ingredient mentioned above, i.e. taqwa; love without piety leads to mischief .

Love is not abhorred in Islam, on the contrary, it is one of the necessary factors that strengthen faith, as Allah says in the Qur'an what means:

*{Say: If you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your faults}* (Aal `Imran 3:31)

This shows that love in Islam has a divine characteristic in the sense that it is solely for Allah and shrouded with sublimity and majesty. When a Muslim loves something, it is for Allah's sake and that is the main objective which makes love leads to trustworthiness, truthfulness, and fairness.

In the context of male-female relationships, the love recognized by Islam is the one that leads to marriage; that should be the goal. Thus, the love should not be a means of satisfying carnal desires or material whims. So, for love to have a healthy atmosphere where it would properly grow and be normally expressed, it should be covered by the protection of Islamic law.

In a nutshell, love in Islam is a divine gift from Allah the Almighty, and in legislating marriage, love is one of the things He mentioned as ingredients for strengthening the marital bond:

*{And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)}* (Ar-Rum 30:21)

I hope this answers your question.



Should you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to write to us. Thank you and sorry for this late reply.



Salam
 
you posted individual cases and exceptions are every where but i telling about general trend that is building its roots deeper and deeper.

Pakistanis abroad trick daughters into marriage

even brit-pak lawyer are wooried about the trend that is building.
http://www.matribunal.com/launch_media/Daily%20Times%20-%20Leading%20News%20Resource%20of%20Pakistan%20-%20British%20Mus...pdf

We all know where arranged and forced marriages originated from and where individual cases far outweigh anything a Muslim society could manage doing in a given decade, the few articles I posted in rebuttal should have been enough indication for you to shut your trap as it is a giant problem in India which also affects Indians abroad, nothing at all exclusive to Islam or Pakistan.
 

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