Must Read: How to write a Thought Provoking Article on pak in western media

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How to make your own Ejaz Haider (at home)​

So everyone loves an Ejaz Haider! But it is not available every day and can become costly (due to subscriptions). I too love columns of Ejaz Haider and after careful reading, I think I have reverse engineered the recipe!! The secret is simple. The recipe has 5 major components: Demand Money–Act as if terrorism is normal–Show bravado–High sounding grabagic nonsense—Toilet/Adult jokes.

To people who are afraid about cooking their own Ejaz Haider column, I am providing this ready to make recipe!! Ejaz Haider Column Generator!!

A. Sentence one: Choose one from each category: (Demanding money)

1. Not giving Pakistan money
2. Asking Pakistan to do too much
3. Expecting Pakistan to serve US interest for the money

Will only

1. Strengthen hands of extremists
2. Compel the Army to take over
3. Weaken democracy
4. Put region into Chaos

B. Sentence two: Choose one phrom each category: (Acting as if terrorism is normal)

Terrorism is a reaction which is justified because

1. Every country has done it
2. It is how weaker countries challenge the stronger
3. Oppressed people have no recourse
4. It is the leverage of the weaker against the stronger

in any case

1. US has indulged in it
2. India has indulged in it
3. Pakistan has indulged in it in the past several times
4. It is one of the 5 tools of statecraft

C. Sentence three: Choose one (Bravado)

1. Pakistan is here to stay
2. US cannot achieve strategic goals without Pakistan
3. India cannot pacify Kashmir without Pakistan

D. Sentence four: Choose one from each category: (High sounding nonsense)

1. The normative interpretation of inter-state relations
2. The consensus understanding of the spirit of Magna carta
3. An informed reading of Carl von Clausewitz

will indicate to an enlightened reader the nature of

1. Temporal-spatial nature of geo strategic relationship
2. Inter- and intra state transactions of state actors
3. Game theoretic achievement of Nash equilibrium

E. Sentence five: Insert your own toilet humor/male anatomy jokes here:

Here is what I generated!!

Expecting Pakistan to serve US interest for the money will only put region into chaos. Terrorism is a reaction which is justified because it is the leverage of the weaker against the stronger, in any case it is one of the 5 tools of statecraft. US cannot achieve strategic goals without Pakistan. An informed reading of Carl von Clausewitz will indicate to an enlightened reader the nature of game theoretic achievement of Nash equilibrium. There is a long glorious erection of flagpole outside my window. Tee heee. –Ejaz Haider.

As you can see, the number of variations are infinite!! Taking time to explore all of them will assure your career as an analyst and strategic thinker!! Post your own columns and variations!!