Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
- Start date
Silent observer
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Human brain is the most
Outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
And stop only when we enter the examination hall.
i think in the examination hall it start working more, in case of good preparation, it is understandable how and why it works but in other case as well. i mean did you ever come out of the examination hall after leaving yor answer sheet blank even if you were not well-prepared?
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(Talebaan Song)
O me nikla,
O bum le k,
O raste par,
O sarak me,
1 chek post aaya,
May uthe bum phor aaya.
--------------------------------------
Ye PAKISTAN Nahi
CHAND ka TUKRA hay
Aur CHAND par na LighT hoti hy
Na PANI
Na GAS
Na HAWA
Na Aata
Na Cheni
So plz take no TENSION and
Enjoy your LIFE at CHAND@
--------------------------------------
Mera to ye sun kar heart fail hogya
.
.
FARAZ
.
.
Jab kam wali masi ny kaha
.
.
Beta facebook pe mujhe bhi add krlo....
--------------------------------------
Lo Ge !
Ab Peshawar Waly Pathano Ne Ek Or Faisla Kiya Hey !
Agar Saudi Arab Me Barish Hogi To
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Peshawar Me sary Pathan Chatri Lekar Ghoomein gey:-
--------------------------------------
O me nikla,
O bum le k,
O raste par,
O sarak me,
1 chek post aaya,
May uthe bum phor aaya.
--------------------------------------
Ye PAKISTAN Nahi
CHAND ka TUKRA hay
Aur CHAND par na LighT hoti hy
Na PANI
Na GAS
Na HAWA
Na Aata
Na Cheni
So plz take no TENSION and
Enjoy your LIFE at CHAND@
--------------------------------------
Mera to ye sun kar heart fail hogya
.
.
FARAZ
.
.
Jab kam wali masi ny kaha
.
.
Beta facebook pe mujhe bhi add krlo....
--------------------------------------
Lo Ge !
Ab Peshawar Waly Pathano Ne Ek Or Faisla Kiya Hey !
Agar Saudi Arab Me Barish Hogi To
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Peshawar Me sary Pathan Chatri Lekar Ghoomein gey:-
--------------------------------------
linkwheel
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Ali G: But what harm has violence ever done?
Media analyst: Oh... death!
Ali G: Yeah, but apart from that.
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One time when me was high, me sold me car for like 24 chicken McNuggets.
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Media analyst: Oh... death!
Ali G: Yeah, but apart from that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
One time when me was high, me sold me car for like 24 chicken McNuggets.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silent observer
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and put it in their shopping cart.
???What do you think you're doing???? asks the wife.
???They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,??? he replies.
???Put them back, we can't afford them,??? demands the wife. So he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the shopping cart.
???What do you think you're doing???? asks the husband.
???Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,??? replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: ???So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.???
???What do you think you're doing???? asks the wife.
???They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,??? he replies.
???Put them back, we can't afford them,??? demands the wife. So he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the shopping cart.
???What do you think you're doing???? asks the husband.
???Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,??? replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: ???So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.???
Silent observer
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An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"
Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
Silent observer
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A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?" The guy responds, "Double Scotch." The bartender gives him a double scotch and the guy swallows it in one gulp and then proceeds to look into his shirt pocket.
The guy looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.
Once again the man swallows it in one gulp and proceeds to look into his shirt pocket. and once agian he looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.
By the fifth round with the exact same reaction from the man each time the bartender finaly asks, "Hey buddy, I will fill you shot glass all night long, but you have to to me, What is in your pocket?"
The guy looks up at the bartender and politely says, "It's a picture of my wife. I am just waiting for her to look pretty so I can go home."
The guy looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.
Once again the man swallows it in one gulp and proceeds to look into his shirt pocket. and once agian he looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.
By the fifth round with the exact same reaction from the man each time the bartender finaly asks, "Hey buddy, I will fill you shot glass all night long, but you have to to me, What is in your pocket?"
The guy looks up at the bartender and politely says, "It's a picture of my wife. I am just waiting for her to look pretty so I can go home."
Silent observer
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A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."
Silent observer
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A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
Silent observer
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Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes,
he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so
scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with
the lady next door."
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes,
he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so
scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with
the lady next door."
Silent observer
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Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."
"Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound
pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."
mshoaib61
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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."
The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to "love, honor and cherish" and "forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever," I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the preacher looks the young man in the eye and says:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and vow eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the preacher and whispered: "I thought we had a deal."
The preacher put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back: "She made me a much better offer."
Silent observer
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The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady,Emily, aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
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