Gufi
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Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
- Start date
ha ha ha ha !!
Sugarcane
ELITE MEMBER
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An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told mebefore we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately . "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft” “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told mebefore we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately . "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft” “The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar
OrionHunter
ELITE MEMBER
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An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan.
He is making landmines that look like prayer mats!
It’s doing well!
Mullahs are going through the roof!!
He is making landmines that look like prayer mats!
It’s doing well!
Mullahs are going through the roof!!
asad71
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Banta Singh ki Biwi came without any clothes in the drawing room to serve
Halwa to the guests.
Banta screamed: Beshram Aurat, tu hosh me to hai?
Wife: Woh jee Recipe book me aisa hi likha tha na... "Serve Hot without
any dressing... Guests will enjoy."
Banta: Fir Theek Hai!
Halwa to the guests.
Banta screamed: Beshram Aurat, tu hosh me to hai?
Wife: Woh jee Recipe book me aisa hi likha tha na... "Serve Hot without
any dressing... Guests will enjoy."
Banta: Fir Theek Hai!
dray
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The BrOkEn HeArT
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Sugarcane
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A male student asked his English professor, "What is the definition of a Dilemma?"
The professor said, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that."
"Imagine that you are lying in a big bed, flat on your back, with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other."
"Which one are you going to turn your back on?"
The professor said, "Well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that."
"Imagine that you are lying in a big bed, flat on your back, with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other."
"Which one are you going to turn your back on?"
asad71
PROFESSIONAL
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THREE SUMURAIS
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>> Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.
>>>>
>>>> After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.
>>>>
>>>> "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
>>>>
>>>> The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly.
>>>>
>>>> He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
>>>>
>>>> "What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
>>>>
>>>> The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly.
>>>>
>>>> He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
>>>>
>>>> "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
>>>>
>>>> The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly,
>>>>
>>>> drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of
>>>>
>>>> skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
>>>>
>>>> "Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"
>>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>> Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.
>>>>
>>>> After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.
>>>>
>>>> "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
>>>>
>>>> The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly.
>>>>
>>>> He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
>>>>
>>>> "What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
>>>>
>>>> The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly.
>>>>
>>>> He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
>>>>
>>>> "That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
>>>>
>>>> The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly,
>>>>
>>>> drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of
>>>>
>>>> skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
>>>>
>>>> "Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"
>>>>>
indianBong
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asad71
PROFESSIONAL
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Scottish Wisdom......
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends overto place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear...'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
--------------------------------------------------------
Hey! How do I forward this to your lady wife?
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends overto place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded.
'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear...'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit.'
--------------------------------------------------------
Hey! How do I forward this to your lady wife?
