How Pakistani-Americans are entering interfaith and interracial marriages — and making them work

[Dance]

Well first of all the scholars have prohibited and most of them say this is not applicable to the western people and also not in non-Muslim majority countries where Muslim family laws are not implemented.

Secondly, that is the failure of those men. Vast majority of them married out of some necessity, either for the same of citizenship/green card/permanent residency or financial reasons etc. Furthermore 99.99% of such men are not practicing and they can mostly be a bad influence on their kids as far as Islam is concerned. I have spent all my life in the west and I know them...many of them drink, most of them rarely pray or tell their wives about Islam...so their children have nothing to associate with them and even less with their culture and religion.

The men I know married these women for "love" (they already had U.S citizenship and were stable financially).

I get your point. Just from my observation, even if the man was practicing and traditional, the children were still influenced a bit more by their mother.

 

[Asim B.]

It could be. Pakistani men tend to marry out more in comparison to Pakistani women, so I used them as an example.

Typically, children are more likely to be influenced by their mother because they are the ones who spend more time with them, raise them, are more hands on, etc.

Yeah they are more likely to be influenced by the mother in the West because there are no large family structures like there are in Muslim countries where even if the wife is non-Muslim her children will get influenced by the dominant Islamic culture of society and the husbands family.

But in Western countries societal and family dynamics are completely different.

 

[Asim B.]

even if the man was practicing and traditional, the children were still influenced a bit more by their mother.

This is true.

 

[Asim B.]

Ab joke samajh aya Yahodi agent


Means you dont follow news that much who can forget this weird shadi from Islamabad

Interracial marriages have lots of problems because after the initial "love" (infatuation) phase wears off the cultural incompatibility begins to take effect and leads to allot of arguments. Also the kids that result from these marriages tend to suffer from identity crisis because they can't relate to the culture of either parent and feel alienated.

 

[Dance]

Yeah they are more likely to be influenced by the mother in the West because there are no large family structures like there are in Muslim countries where even if the wife is non-Muslim her children will get influenced by the dominant Islamic culture of society and the husbands family.

But in Western countries societal and family dynamics are completely different.

Yes, the dominant culture in any society usually influences your beliefs and views. Again just from my observations, in Pakistan the mother usually has a greater influence on the children mainly due to the reasons stated above.

Basically the situation is just dependent on the person/family.

 

[war&peace]

Also if a Muslim guy is practicing he will only seek out a Muslim woman because religious compatibility will be of utmost importance to him in seeking a spouse.

Yes of course but let's suppose there is a situation somehow he has to marry a non-Muslim, he will find a non-Muslim practicing woman either a practicing Christian or a Jewish woman who follows her religion and she is not involved in any immoral characteristics common in the western society. For instance, she wears a respectable dress as per her religion, does not drink alcohol because ahle-Kitaab did not drink, does not eat pork etc.... Now can anyone tell me is it easy to find such a woman in the west? ... Here most of the women drink, wear bikinis, sleep around

The men I know married these women for "love" (they already had U.S citizenship and were stable financially).

I get your point. Just from my observation, even if the man was practicing and traditional, the children were still influenced a bit more by their mother.

But to tell you frankly and honestly, if a man is truly practicing, he will never marry a non-Muslim woman...Bhai I live in the west and a lot of non-Muslim men and Women are in my company. I observe them... there are a lot of issues of "tahara" "paky and napaky"...how can I live my life with a woman who does not know or care about those things and this is just one thing.

However, though slightly on the tangent to the topic but still relevant case, if a non-Muslim western woman reverts to Islam and intends to practice and learn about Islam then it is totally okay to marry such a woman rather I would prefer because this way I will help her in her journey to learning Islam easier and most of the reverted woman are far more practicing and with more knowledgeable than most of our born-Muslim women.

Interracial marriages have lots of problems because after the initial "love" (infatuation) phase wears off the cultural incompatibility begins to take effect and leads to allot of arguments. Also the kids that result from these marriages tend to suffer from identity crisis because they can't relate to the culture of either parent and feel alienated.

Let's not confuse interracial marriages with inter-religion marriages. In Islam, there is no such restriction on inter-racial marriages rather it encourages them because it strengthens the society and homogenizes it.
Just take the example of Pakistan, we have hundreds of races and the biggest racial denominations or groups are Punjabi, Pathan, Sindhi, Balochi, Kashmiri, now if all of them get married inter-racially, after some time the whole society will become homogenised and the discrete cultural racial differences will be blurred into a hotchpotch of a society that will be much more uniform and thus a lot of issues will die

 

[Asim B.]

Let's not confuse interracial marriages with inter-religion marriages. In Islam, there is no such restriction on inter-racial marriages rather it encourages them because it strengthens the society and homogenizes it.
Just take the example of Pakistan, we have hundreds of races and the biggest racial denominations or groups are Punjabi, Pathan, Sindhi, Balochi, Kashmiri, now if all of them get married inter-racially, after some time the whole society will become homogenised and the discrete cultural racial differences will be blurred into a hotchpotch of a society that will be much more uniform and thus a lot of issues will die

But that's besides the fact that most interracial marriages don't work out. I have seen this personally.

A Punjabi marrying a Pathan is like a German marrying an Italian. But a Pakistani marrying a Nigerian is a whole nother ball game because the cultural and racial differences are profound and very stark.

Also, in any given situation most people will prefer to marry in their own instinctively.

 

[war&peace]

But that's besides the fact that most interracial marriages don't work out. I have seen this personally.

A Punjabi marrying a Pathan is like a German marrying an Italian. But a Pakistani marrying a Nigerian is a whole nother ball game because the cultural and racial differences are profound and very stark.

Also, in any given situation most people will prefer to marry in their own instinctively.

Yeah but these are not the teachings of Islam...These are just your observations. In my family, there are a lot of inter-racial marriages both within Pakistani community and even international marriages and those are going strong. The only few that failed were mostly between the relatives. So this varies from family to family, case to case. Overall the level of education and also religious knowledge is much higher in my family as compared to vast majority of Pakistanis thus it contributes positively to relationships if people are educated and religiously aware.
My cousin who hails from Lahore married a Pashtun girl. Both are religious families...though we also Pathan but Punjabi Pathan i.e. we can't speak Pashto but it never bothers us since they both can communicate in Urdu and English.

 

[Asim B.]

Yeah but these are not the teaching of Islam...These are just your observations. In my family, there are a lot of inter-racial marriages both within Pakistani community and even international marriages but these are going strong. The only few that failed were mostly between the relatives. So this varies from family to family, case to case. Overall the level of education and also religious knowledge is much higher in my family as compared to vast majority of Pakistanis thus it contributes positively to relationships if people are educated and religiously aware.
My cousin who hails from Lahore married a Pashtun girl. Both are religious families...though we also Pathan but Punjabi Pathan i.e. we can't speak Pashto but it never bothers us since they both can communicate in Urdu and English.

Well you have to make a distinction between what Islam teaches and what Muslims do.

Muslims are human beings, and are thus subject to human nature as all humans are. It is human nature to want to marry in your own which most people do anyway when left to their own devices.

In Islamic history never were Muslims a single homogenous state, but rather you had a diverse groups of empires, kingdoms, territories, etc. Why didn't the Muslims in the past 1400 years just form one single massive empire and race mix into a single new people? Perhaps because this is just a recently new concept which Islam does not force on us but leaves open to personal decision.

Also based on historical events multi-racial societies have failed in the Muslim world too (Sudan conflict, Bangladeshi resentment of West Pakistanis, Arab revolt against Ottoman rule, etc)

Interestingly I had a conversation once with Palestinian activists who were visiting from Palestine and I asked one of them if they were better off under Turkish rule and they replied in the negative because the "Turks were imposing their own culture on to the Arabs" which caused a lot of resentment within the Arab population which finally culminated into an open revolt.

It's only natural to love your own culture and people and celebrate your unique identity and there's nothing wrong if some people want that their children look just like them and their grand parents.

 

[SQ8]

The first scenario shows a very normal process wrt to Muslims traditions as such.

the second is assuming the woman is actually practicing or not, either way.. its her grave.. not of any of you.

The third is just feel good.

As usual, Pakistanis imposing themselves upon other and passing judgement as if Allah decided to give them his powers... then they have the guile to complain about having the worst leadership.
Azaab Bhugtu.

 

[925boy]

Now a depressing thread.lol

 

[Chauvinist]

Cannot say much about DNA may be @Chauvinist can shed some light.

@El Sidd DNA is just a written code.. It needs some influence to decode itself and show a specific behavior in a person... You influence a person to be arrogant or to be soft. Actions are not only pre-determined they are "acquired" too.

 

[Water Car Engineer]

Interracial marriages have lots of problems because after the initial "love" (infatuation) phase wears off the cultural incompatibility begins to take effect and leads to allot of arguments. Also the kids that result from these marriages tend to suffer from identity crisis because they can't relate to the culture of either parent and feel alienated.

Big time, spot on, bro. In the last couple of years, I've come to the conclusion that, "traditional", people are built differently from people here. There isnt a single divorce in my huge family, or even church community. Marriage isnt a fling, or 2-3 years, it's forever, if you don't have similar standards, it's at a much higher chances of failure.

 

[I.R.A]

@El Sidd DNA is just a written code.. It needs some influence to decode itself and show a specific behavior in a person... You influence a person to be arrogant or to be soft. Actions are not only pre-determined they are "acquired" too.

Chalo parhai kissi kum tay ai

 

[adil_minhas]

Love has no color.

That said, love within the purity of color is that much better.