Neutron
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Ahmed had always had it easy in life. From early on he had caught up to the fact that he was liked . as a child everyone wanted to pick him up and cuddle. His parents and two elder sisters loved him. In his teens he felt that girls always gave him a second look. He enjoyed their attention but very soon he realized the intricate balance of wanting and being wanted.
Whenever he did put himself in line he saw that the power of the relationship shifted and as long as he remained carefree he was in control. So a life time of being adored had filled him with satisfaction and like a bottle which was filled to its capacity he no longer wanted things as his other friends and mates did.
Ahmed was a good student always in top 5 perhaps due to the extra attention by his teachers he always managed to have good marks with little effort.
After completing his intermediate he applied for a medical college entrance exam and was selected. His parents and teachers were very happy. Wherever he went he saw expectant eyes… giving him a message that he will do good in life and they want to be associated with him.
He was never a trouble maker nor too arrogant.
He had retained his father’s modesty apart for the matters of heart.
His first day at the college was quite eventful as it changed his whole outlook on things.
Seeing her in that white coat with a green dress transported him to meadows and gardens and introduced him to a strange rhythm of his heart which he had not felt before as he passed her in a corridor,,, he noticed that she had not given him much of a glance. His best friend iftikhar said
That’s why I studied so hard …just looking at this beautiful face is at least a week worth of studies “
You are always equating things materialistically iftikhar” ahmed said in a teasing tone “what if she smiled at you”
That my friend would be worth a complete year we never went out” ifthikhar said with a sigh
Later at his house ahmed’s parents and sisters were quizzing him about his first day and all he could think of was that green dress.. he would answer them about his class room ,,todays activities ,,,different professers ,,,senior’s ragging but it all some how came fixed with that green dress.
Next morning as he took his new car gifted by his father to pick up ifthikhar he couldn’t explain his good mood and high spirits… getting this car a week back would have been a really big deal but now it was just there,, ahmed was not paying attention to its luxurious interior or smooth drive ,,,it seemed petty to to him while iftikhar was opening and touch every nook and cranny of the car.
“you know what I got for being selected into med college the first ever from my family” iftikhar said while rubbing his hand on the rich leather seat
What”
A long lecture that I had a long way yet to become a doctor”
That’s not so bad” a daily reminder would do you get as we know you have an attention span of a 5 year old child” ahmed teased him.
“You and your long winded metaphors,,,,,,can you talk plainly to me as I am not a chick you are working your magic on” iftikhar said
You know I don’t need any tricks like you for this sort of thing ,,,,,my good nature does such a thing for me”
As they went into the class room the dress was blue now.. ahmed thought he knew why the sky looked so beautiful now but still the sort of attention he was accustomed to never happened with this girl.
Complete day ahmed paid little attention to anything he even saw iftikhar taking notes but it all seemed futile to him he somehow had to talk to her . but he was apprehensive as this was only the second day and he did’nt want to come off as a jerk as so many of his class mates were proving to be.
this seemed a matter not to be taken lightly for the first time in his life he wanted things to go perfectly and didn’t want to blow up his chance . he made up his mind many times and than thought against it,,,he realized he couldn’t afford a misstep with her ,,, he had to close the deal without seem to be wanting it too much as his previous experiences had taught him.
Next day The red dress was almost too much for him as he suddenly stopped in his tracks in front of her,,,he saw a look of annoyance on her face and almost fainted ,,,,
After the incident ahmed resolved to avoid her in future,, time went by ahmed was in the last 5 students to pass in the two years,,, his parents failed to understand why suddenly he was so quite and always not mentally present in his surrounding ,,, his father gave him a pep talk many times asking what was bothering him,,,,he went to his college and asked around but couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary even ifthikhar who was doing well in studies was oblivious of anything,,,, he also thought his best friend was not sharing something with him.
Ahmed had obsessed for her for too long now,,,he didn’t find pleasure in anything ,,,only going through the motions of eating talking and doing stuff the green dress haunted him day and night.
Many times he tried to put it off his mind or talk to her once and for all ,,,but this seemed to take away all his energy the fear of being rejected by her was too much for him.
She had been one of the top students and he heard some rumors in the past two years about her affairs with one ortwo of the students ,,,,but he never believed them he had placed her on a very high moral pedestal,,, for him she was the ultimate model of sense and maturity,,, he couldn’t expect anything foolish or ungainly from her. ahmed thought many times to share his feelings with ifthikhar but he knew ifthikhar in his love would do something and not keep quite and that’s the chance he couldn’t take.
The years passed and their graduation ceremony was close at hand,,,,
Ahmed had lost a lot of weight his mother always said that this was some case of “nazar” or magic done by the envious people of their family.
Ahmed was sitting in the lawn with iftikhar when he saw her
passing by in a green dress, iftikhar followed his gaze and said “I heard she got engaged”
A haunting look passed over ahmed’s face and suddenly he started laughing manically,,,, iftikhar was puzzled at first but seeing tears flowing from his eyes and the manic laugh he got worried
“What happened ahmed you are laughing like a mad man”
As suddenly as ahmed had started laughing he stopped ,his head stooped low and he started looking at his hands,,,,
Iftikhar shook him from the shoulder and asked “what happened ,, you are scaring me ahmed what’s the matter” please tell me brother why the silence,, past five years you have been forlorn not once sharing anything with me. Do you not trust me. but ahmed kept looking down ,,,,,,he knew he would not talk again.
Whenever he did put himself in line he saw that the power of the relationship shifted and as long as he remained carefree he was in control. So a life time of being adored had filled him with satisfaction and like a bottle which was filled to its capacity he no longer wanted things as his other friends and mates did.
Ahmed was a good student always in top 5 perhaps due to the extra attention by his teachers he always managed to have good marks with little effort.
After completing his intermediate he applied for a medical college entrance exam and was selected. His parents and teachers were very happy. Wherever he went he saw expectant eyes… giving him a message that he will do good in life and they want to be associated with him.
He was never a trouble maker nor too arrogant.
He had retained his father’s modesty apart for the matters of heart.
His first day at the college was quite eventful as it changed his whole outlook on things.
Seeing her in that white coat with a green dress transported him to meadows and gardens and introduced him to a strange rhythm of his heart which he had not felt before as he passed her in a corridor,,, he noticed that she had not given him much of a glance. His best friend iftikhar said
That’s why I studied so hard …just looking at this beautiful face is at least a week worth of studies “
You are always equating things materialistically iftikhar” ahmed said in a teasing tone “what if she smiled at you”
That my friend would be worth a complete year we never went out” ifthikhar said with a sigh
Later at his house ahmed’s parents and sisters were quizzing him about his first day and all he could think of was that green dress.. he would answer them about his class room ,,todays activities ,,,different professers ,,,senior’s ragging but it all some how came fixed with that green dress.
Next morning as he took his new car gifted by his father to pick up ifthikhar he couldn’t explain his good mood and high spirits… getting this car a week back would have been a really big deal but now it was just there,, ahmed was not paying attention to its luxurious interior or smooth drive ,,,it seemed petty to to him while iftikhar was opening and touch every nook and cranny of the car.
“you know what I got for being selected into med college the first ever from my family” iftikhar said while rubbing his hand on the rich leather seat
What”
A long lecture that I had a long way yet to become a doctor”
That’s not so bad” a daily reminder would do you get as we know you have an attention span of a 5 year old child” ahmed teased him.
“You and your long winded metaphors,,,,,,can you talk plainly to me as I am not a chick you are working your magic on” iftikhar said
You know I don’t need any tricks like you for this sort of thing ,,,,,my good nature does such a thing for me”
As they went into the class room the dress was blue now.. ahmed thought he knew why the sky looked so beautiful now but still the sort of attention he was accustomed to never happened with this girl.
Complete day ahmed paid little attention to anything he even saw iftikhar taking notes but it all seemed futile to him he somehow had to talk to her . but he was apprehensive as this was only the second day and he did’nt want to come off as a jerk as so many of his class mates were proving to be.
this seemed a matter not to be taken lightly for the first time in his life he wanted things to go perfectly and didn’t want to blow up his chance . he made up his mind many times and than thought against it,,,he realized he couldn’t afford a misstep with her ,,, he had to close the deal without seem to be wanting it too much as his previous experiences had taught him.
Next day The red dress was almost too much for him as he suddenly stopped in his tracks in front of her,,,he saw a look of annoyance on her face and almost fainted ,,,,
After the incident ahmed resolved to avoid her in future,, time went by ahmed was in the last 5 students to pass in the two years,,, his parents failed to understand why suddenly he was so quite and always not mentally present in his surrounding ,,, his father gave him a pep talk many times asking what was bothering him,,,,he went to his college and asked around but couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary even ifthikhar who was doing well in studies was oblivious of anything,,,, he also thought his best friend was not sharing something with him.
Ahmed had obsessed for her for too long now,,,he didn’t find pleasure in anything ,,,only going through the motions of eating talking and doing stuff the green dress haunted him day and night.
Many times he tried to put it off his mind or talk to her once and for all ,,,but this seemed to take away all his energy the fear of being rejected by her was too much for him.
She had been one of the top students and he heard some rumors in the past two years about her affairs with one ortwo of the students ,,,,but he never believed them he had placed her on a very high moral pedestal,,, for him she was the ultimate model of sense and maturity,,, he couldn’t expect anything foolish or ungainly from her. ahmed thought many times to share his feelings with ifthikhar but he knew ifthikhar in his love would do something and not keep quite and that’s the chance he couldn’t take.
The years passed and their graduation ceremony was close at hand,,,,
Ahmed had lost a lot of weight his mother always said that this was some case of “nazar” or magic done by the envious people of their family.
Ahmed was sitting in the lawn with iftikhar when he saw her
passing by in a green dress, iftikhar followed his gaze and said “I heard she got engaged”
A haunting look passed over ahmed’s face and suddenly he started laughing manically,,,, iftikhar was puzzled at first but seeing tears flowing from his eyes and the manic laugh he got worried
“What happened ahmed you are laughing like a mad man”
As suddenly as ahmed had started laughing he stopped ,his head stooped low and he started looking at his hands,,,,
Iftikhar shook him from the shoulder and asked “what happened ,, you are scaring me ahmed what’s the matter” please tell me brother why the silence,, past five years you have been forlorn not once sharing anything with me. Do you not trust me. but ahmed kept looking down ,,,,,,he knew he would not talk again.
