In essence, most of us in South Asia are secular by nature, we wish to get along with everyone, but as a grouping, we are a conservative lot, be it ethically, religiously or any other(ly).
Kudos. This is what I always like to say...I rarely meet any South Asian who isn't secular in the sense you described. Be it Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Sri Lankan etc. At least the ones I choose to hang out with. I wouldn't hang out with a racist/rabid communal person for all the money in the world.
Great thing said. But then you made a complete U-turn in the next point itself.
And, it is secularism and the dogmatic pursuit for that secular utopia that has delivered India the present form of Hindutva or Hindu reality.
That's being unduly pessimistic. India's Founding Fathers had the true vision of a secular state, that is why any call to add the word "Hindu" in the constitution was rejected.
The current ascent of Hindutva, and the poisoning of so many Indian's minds, while a sad chapter in the history of the 73-year old Secular Republic, might eventually pass. This is what us liberals hope for: we're praying for the day Narendra Modi dies of natural causes (which might be sooner than expected).
I personally am secular (although I hate this term, for one group it implies something good, for others, it implies all bad, but it is a usable label so I'll use it), but I have no issue with accepting that as a group most of us are not secular as a grouping, once we accept that, we strangely enter into an actual secularism reality, because each feels comfortable with their identity and not threatened, once that comfort factor kicks in, the need to hate the OTHER disappears gradually.
A person's identity is very important to them. South Asians can be simultaneously secular, and a very religious bunch. I hardly come across any South Asian who is not living his or her religion on a daily basis: in other words, the entire Subcontinent are a very Godfearing bunch.
It is the complete opposite with many Europeans, and even Americans. A Bible-basher in some fundamentalist church of Utah or Missouri might preach fervently from the pulpit, but ultimately God is just another revenue source for many of them, as we see with the Mormons and other wealthy church groups in the USA. Bringing up God in any argument is considered a faux pas in Western culture, whereas in South Asia, invoking God is the ultimate argument to settle all arguments.
I have met Arabs, Iranians, and many other people of Islamic nations who weren't religious in the sense South Asian Pakistanis would be. Many Maghrebis of Morocco & Tunisia, the Jordanians etc., enjoy alcohol like just Westerners do. Religion is not the centre of their lives like it is for S. Asians.
I agree that we have to recognize and respect these groupings as you put it.