Solomon2
BANNED
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2008
- Messages
- 19,475
- Reaction score
- -37
- Country
- Location
Thursday, November 28, 2013
News from the year 2063
NEW YORK, NOVEMBER 28, 2063 (CNN/AP/HUFFPO) - The 168th General Assembly Tuesday adopted a resolution, declaring the years 2064-2163 as the "International Century of Solidarity with the Palestinian People."
-satire-
Co-sponsored by more than 150 countries, the resolution received 212 votes in favor, 7 against and 12 abstained earlier in the day as the GA wrapped up its annual discussion on the Palestinian question, which began on Monday.
-satire-
"The world has ignored the plight of Palestinians long enough," declared Mahmoud al-Haurani, the Palestine ambassador to the UN and currently president of the body.
-satire-
In total, the UN passed 19 resolutions condemning Israel.
-satire-
One resolution condemned the regime for Judaizing the ancient Palestinian metropolis of Tel-al-Bib by renaming it Tel Aviv in 1910.
-satire-
Another condemnation was for Israel allowing its citizens to drink wine on Passover within 2 kilometers of any Muslims. This was described as an "unspeakable crime of apartheid and intolerance.""
-satire-
A third resolution condemned Israel for for downing 13 nuclear warheads that were shot from Iran, Turkey and Ireland. They were downed with Israel's Laser Missile Defense System but the missile fragmets crashed in deserts or the Mediterranean, causing nuclear radiation to leak and harming the environment.
-satire-
The "International Century of Solidarity with the Palestinian People" resolution called for all efforts to promote the realization of the inalienable rights of the Palestinian people, including their right to self-determination and to force Israel to allow all Palestinian Arab refugees to return to their homes in Palestine. It also calls for the human right to massacre any Israelis living in those homes, or in the area if the home itself no longer existed.
-satire-
There are now some 63 million Palestinian Arab refugees throughout the Middle East. According to UNRWA statistics, every single one of them insist to return to the lush Palestinian fields of their ancestors so they can harvest olives.
-satire-
The Arab nations that agreed to host them for the past 115 years graciously continue to keep their Palestinian population in camps in order to ensure that they don't forget their humble roots. In 2032, the Arab League asked Jordan to strip all Palestinians of their citizenship so as not to cause jealously from the refugees living in Sinaigaza, Greater Syria and the Saudi Gulf bloc. "Equal rights for all refugees!" was the slogan Saudi prince Bandari coined for the popular initiative.
-satire-
Last week, UNRWA asked for an additional $800 million because the number of Palestinian refugees have, for the first time, doubled the number of all other refugees in the world combined.
-satire-
As is traditional, when the Israeli ambassador to the UN asked to respond to the condemnations, he was bombarded with hundreds of shoes, thoughtfully provided by the UN and donated from nations around the globe.
-satire-
The annual discussion of the Palestine question was briefly interrupted by news of the breakout of a new nuclear war between India and Greater Pakistan, in which millions were incinerated. After a moment of silence, a discussion of Israelis violating the 2056 ban on tourism ads continued. The Third Subcommittee on Cultural Theft of the Palestinian People noted that any mention of any scientific achievement or archaeological discovery by Israelis in the holosphere is indistinguishable from an advertisement. The subcommittee recommended that Israeli Jews be banned from all social media in case they say anything that is not negative about their regime.
-satire-
A resolution on the issue is expected to be drafted and passed in May during the annual International Month of Commemorating the Holocaust of the Palestinian People.
-satire-
Tourism to Israel reached record numbers last year. Since many of the tourists were religious Christians, petitions have been circulating on college campuses to ban the Bible for being too Zionist.
-satire-
Last year, the UN Human Rights Council deplored Israeli President Semoli's description of Israel as a "beautiful country" in an interview, passing six non-binding resolutions of their own declaring it illegal to refer to Israel as anything other than "the ugly apartheid Zionist regime, may it be blotted out soon."
