Nawaz Sharif (Survival Manual)

[Laozi]

Dear Nawaz Sharif,

As you navigate the complex world of Pakistani politics once again, here are some worldly pieces of advice that may or may not be the keys to your success:

1. Always Be a Yes-Man to Asif Muneer: Asif Muneer, the mastermind of political chess, is your new best friend. Remember, your job is not to lead but to nod enthusiastically at whatever he suggests. He's the puppeteer, and you're the marionette—strings attached, always!
2. Never Try to Befriend Modi Again: Ah, the Modi bromance—a cautionary tale. Remember, attempting friendship across the border is like trying to hug a cactus. Stick to the script of diplomatic distance, and you won't get pricked.
3. Balance Between China/Saudia and America: Balance, my dear Nawaz, is the key. On one hand, you have China, the future superpower with deep pockets, and, Saudia, with its oil riches. Uncle Sam is where the future generations of Pakistan will be retiring. Make sure you juggle them gracefully, as if you're walking on a tightrope made of petrodollars.
4. Never Interfere with Islamists: The Islamist card is a tricky one. Keep it tucked safely in your pocket and never, ever question the authority of the religious zealots. Remember, extremism and progress are like oil and water – they don't mix well.
5. Pretend Everything Will Be Good in Pakistan: Optimism, even in the face of adversity, is the name of the game. Pretend that the skyrocketing inflation, energy crises, and political turmoil are all just minor hiccups on the road to a utopian Pakistan. Smile and wave, Nawaz, smile and wave.

In the whirlwind of Pakistani politics, these nuggets of wisdom may or may not serve you well. But one thing's for sure, they'll keep us Indians entertained along the way.

Wishing you the best of luck in your political endeavors (you'll need it)!

Sincerely,

Laozi