Raphael
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https://www.thehindu.com/life-and-s...-our-countrys-superiority/article31981150.ece
I feel a tremendous sense of relief knowing that we have given a befitting reply to those who eyed our territory in Ladakh. I have immediately discontinued my Ayurvedic antidepressants. If we have been assured that all is well again, it means sab changa si majama che bagundi sooper-O-sooper.
Time to crack open that celebratory thandai chilling in the fridge, take a refreshing swig, bite into my favourite crunchy snack, khakra (whose GST is 12% as opposed to that evil, anti-national 18% GST-attracting Kerala parotta), and prepare for the future.
Since it has been mentioned that people from all over India are writing to our leader and reiterating their support for the atma nirbhar Bharat movement, I would like to humbly submit here that I was among the first of those letter-writers. My missive to him sits quivering with pride on his desk, sandwiched between Kanganaben’s and Payalben’s own handwritten letters.
So how do we go about being vocal about local? While removing Tik Tok and other Chinese apps, breaking telephones and TVs is all well, we need a systemic change if you ask me. Something that will teach our errant neighbours a proper lesson.
For starters, India consumes large quantities of a dish mistakenly referred to as noodles, supposedly of Chinese origin. For those who have read the correct history books, they know this is not true. ‘When Hiuen Tsang, the 7th century Chinese traveller, came to our ancient, all-knowing land, he met a wise woman, a culinary sage called Tarlamala Dalalanandi. She made the hungry traveller a quick dish called nav dhal, which he gobbled with a pair of chadee chamchas (which later came to be known as chopsticks). Tsang then quickly noted the recipe on a pre-Vedic laptop refurbished and gifted to him, ran away to China, called them noodles, after which they claimed them as their own.
We need to re-annex and reclaim that dish and give it a new name, a name that would make the hair on any NRI’s chest stand erect in pride. My suggestion is lamba lamba shuddh desi tatkal maida chaval. And have a nationwide movement popularising the dish in its original form. Patriotic Indians suddenly free from the Tik Tok devil can come up with various Indian recipes using this profoundly Indian staple.
Let’s talk of Bruce Lee for a minute. No Chinese has had a bigger impact on Indians than this gentleman. And that includes Marlon Brando in The Teahouse of the August Moon (in which he may have played a Japanese man, but let’s not quibble). Bruce Lee once said, ‘Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat is accepted as a reality.’ To me, that makes him more Indian than Rangoli Chandel. Who better than us at not accepting reality? So how do we use this to our advantage?
Issue an Aadhaar Card in Bruce Lee’s name with immediate effect. Ha! The Chinese won’t see that coming, will they? Bruce Lee automatically, incontrovertibly, becomes Indian. Imagine the looks on the faces of enemy soldiers if we line our border with large cut-outs of Bruce Lee spinning the charkha. And announce a new film starring a digitally-reanimated Lee — directed by SS Rajamouli — called Tiger Dragon Ko Achcha Sabak Sikha (Part 1 and 2).
That’s not all. We reclaim the Chinese collar, Chinese Checkers and Chinese Whispers by calling them Desi collar, Bharatiya Checkers and Swadeshi Gupshup.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.
I feel a tremendous sense of relief knowing that we have given a befitting reply to those who eyed our territory in Ladakh. I have immediately discontinued my Ayurvedic antidepressants. If we have been assured that all is well again, it means sab changa si majama che bagundi sooper-O-sooper.
Time to crack open that celebratory thandai chilling in the fridge, take a refreshing swig, bite into my favourite crunchy snack, khakra (whose GST is 12% as opposed to that evil, anti-national 18% GST-attracting Kerala parotta), and prepare for the future.
Since it has been mentioned that people from all over India are writing to our leader and reiterating their support for the atma nirbhar Bharat movement, I would like to humbly submit here that I was among the first of those letter-writers. My missive to him sits quivering with pride on his desk, sandwiched between Kanganaben’s and Payalben’s own handwritten letters.
So how do we go about being vocal about local? While removing Tik Tok and other Chinese apps, breaking telephones and TVs is all well, we need a systemic change if you ask me. Something that will teach our errant neighbours a proper lesson.
For starters, India consumes large quantities of a dish mistakenly referred to as noodles, supposedly of Chinese origin. For those who have read the correct history books, they know this is not true. ‘When Hiuen Tsang, the 7th century Chinese traveller, came to our ancient, all-knowing land, he met a wise woman, a culinary sage called Tarlamala Dalalanandi. She made the hungry traveller a quick dish called nav dhal, which he gobbled with a pair of chadee chamchas (which later came to be known as chopsticks). Tsang then quickly noted the recipe on a pre-Vedic laptop refurbished and gifted to him, ran away to China, called them noodles, after which they claimed them as their own.
We need to re-annex and reclaim that dish and give it a new name, a name that would make the hair on any NRI’s chest stand erect in pride. My suggestion is lamba lamba shuddh desi tatkal maida chaval. And have a nationwide movement popularising the dish in its original form. Patriotic Indians suddenly free from the Tik Tok devil can come up with various Indian recipes using this profoundly Indian staple.
Let’s talk of Bruce Lee for a minute. No Chinese has had a bigger impact on Indians than this gentleman. And that includes Marlon Brando in The Teahouse of the August Moon (in which he may have played a Japanese man, but let’s not quibble). Bruce Lee once said, ‘Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat is accepted as a reality.’ To me, that makes him more Indian than Rangoli Chandel. Who better than us at not accepting reality? So how do we use this to our advantage?
Issue an Aadhaar Card in Bruce Lee’s name with immediate effect. Ha! The Chinese won’t see that coming, will they? Bruce Lee automatically, incontrovertibly, becomes Indian. Imagine the looks on the faces of enemy soldiers if we line our border with large cut-outs of Bruce Lee spinning the charkha. And announce a new film starring a digitally-reanimated Lee — directed by SS Rajamouli — called Tiger Dragon Ko Achcha Sabak Sikha (Part 1 and 2).
That’s not all. We reclaim the Chinese collar, Chinese Checkers and Chinese Whispers by calling them Desi collar, Bharatiya Checkers and Swadeshi Gupshup.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.
