Aslan
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COLOMBO - Sunday, very few people across the world were devastated to learn that former Australian cricket captain Ian Chappell was in intensive care, having consumed toxic amounts of Humble Pie.
Chappell, 67, was reported to have gorged upon the pie an Australian specialty having spent most of Saturday mindlessly lambasting anything and everything to do with Pakistani cricket. Sri Lankan media are reporting that Chappell was so humbled, embarrassed and ashamed by Australias four-wicket defeat to Pakistan, that he literally choked on his own words.
Observers noted that despite usually just being regarded a myopic and biased commentator, during Saturdays match he elevated his odiousness to new heights, as he went on a rampage which offended many Pakistani listeners.
After Sydney and the associated match-fixing allegations, Ricky Ponting will be keen to set the record straight, asserted Chappell, as the current-but-not-for-much-longer Australian captain strode out to the crease. When Ponting was dismissed for a scratchy 19, the eldest Chappell brother struggled to keep his lamb curry down, which he later complained was too spicy they can never get things right in this part of the world.
Roshan Liyanage, 25, was working room service at Colombos Hilton Hotel on Saturday night. He noted: Mr Chappell ordered a family-sized Humble Pie at around 10pm. I delivered it to his room, assuming that he had a team of self-loathing Australian commentators to feed but I was shocked when I realised he wanted to eat the whole damn pie by himself! I tried to warn him of the potential side-effects, but he slammed the door in my face. I came back to his room in an hour, but Mr Chappell didnt answer I knew what had happened.
Ian Chappell, explaining why Afridi should not dare to celebrate Australian wickets
Humble Pie is renowned as a quasi-herbal alternative to aid those reluctantly seeking self-reflection, in an often futile attempt to kid oneself into thinking that they arent arrogant, self-righteous ******. Along with Ian Chappell, both Ricky Ponting and Harbhajan Singh are high-profile failures of Humble Pie in cricket.
Despite a lack of research, it is thought that prolonged consumption of Humble Pie can lead to losing grip with reality, hyper-arrogance and pretentiousness witness Kevin Pietersen.
Earlier in the day, it was apparent to viewers that Mr Chappell was suffering from convulsions at each Australian wicket to fall, becoming increasingly bitter at each Pakistani celebration. His ICU patient notes add: The patient became especially apoplectic with Shahid Afridi took a wicket and held his arms aloft, whereas really he should have been focusing his bitterness on Steve Smiths incompetent shot.
Dr Chamara Fernando, a trauma surgeon at Colombos Asiri Hospital, explained Chappells situation: Many Australian cricketers have had their fair share of Humble Pie in recent times, but Mr Chappell ingested potentially lethal amounts, not seen since the days of Tony Greigs infamous Well make em grovel speech.
Dr Fernando added: Mr Chappell is currently conscious, but incoherent - Channel 9 producers told me that this was the news they had been hoping for.
Alternative Cricket…cricket for grown-ups
Chappell, 67, was reported to have gorged upon the pie an Australian specialty having spent most of Saturday mindlessly lambasting anything and everything to do with Pakistani cricket. Sri Lankan media are reporting that Chappell was so humbled, embarrassed and ashamed by Australias four-wicket defeat to Pakistan, that he literally choked on his own words.
Observers noted that despite usually just being regarded a myopic and biased commentator, during Saturdays match he elevated his odiousness to new heights, as he went on a rampage which offended many Pakistani listeners.
After Sydney and the associated match-fixing allegations, Ricky Ponting will be keen to set the record straight, asserted Chappell, as the current-but-not-for-much-longer Australian captain strode out to the crease. When Ponting was dismissed for a scratchy 19, the eldest Chappell brother struggled to keep his lamb curry down, which he later complained was too spicy they can never get things right in this part of the world.
Roshan Liyanage, 25, was working room service at Colombos Hilton Hotel on Saturday night. He noted: Mr Chappell ordered a family-sized Humble Pie at around 10pm. I delivered it to his room, assuming that he had a team of self-loathing Australian commentators to feed but I was shocked when I realised he wanted to eat the whole damn pie by himself! I tried to warn him of the potential side-effects, but he slammed the door in my face. I came back to his room in an hour, but Mr Chappell didnt answer I knew what had happened.
Ian Chappell, explaining why Afridi should not dare to celebrate Australian wickets
Humble Pie is renowned as a quasi-herbal alternative to aid those reluctantly seeking self-reflection, in an often futile attempt to kid oneself into thinking that they arent arrogant, self-righteous ******. Along with Ian Chappell, both Ricky Ponting and Harbhajan Singh are high-profile failures of Humble Pie in cricket.
Despite a lack of research, it is thought that prolonged consumption of Humble Pie can lead to losing grip with reality, hyper-arrogance and pretentiousness witness Kevin Pietersen.
Earlier in the day, it was apparent to viewers that Mr Chappell was suffering from convulsions at each Australian wicket to fall, becoming increasingly bitter at each Pakistani celebration. His ICU patient notes add: The patient became especially apoplectic with Shahid Afridi took a wicket and held his arms aloft, whereas really he should have been focusing his bitterness on Steve Smiths incompetent shot.
Dr Chamara Fernando, a trauma surgeon at Colombos Asiri Hospital, explained Chappells situation: Many Australian cricketers have had their fair share of Humble Pie in recent times, but Mr Chappell ingested potentially lethal amounts, not seen since the days of Tony Greigs infamous Well make em grovel speech.
Dr Fernando added: Mr Chappell is currently conscious, but incoherent - Channel 9 producers told me that this was the news they had been hoping for.
Alternative Cricket…cricket for grown-ups
